Re: Re: cf downer

[Guest guest]

Patty,

No, I am not a writer. Just journal alot. I usually don't share my journal

with anyone, but I hoped it would help you feel a little better. I wrote that

yesterday - but that doesn't mean that I won't have different feelings today.

Maybe you ought to try journaling. It is theraputic for me. I don't have

anyone in my family to talk to and it helps to get it out in one form or

another. Take it from me, sometimes I write things that I would never say to

anyone.

As parents of these beautiful little people and eveything that goes with

caring for them, we are on an emotional roller coaster. I think that it is only

natural. So, dont ever be embarrassed or worried about anything you post.

These are your feelings and you are entitled to them. Honestly, there probably

isn't a parent out there that hasn't had a day like that.

I hope today is better for you.

Vondie

Re: cf downer

Vondie,

How incredibly perfectly stated!If you arent a writer you should

consider it!Right on the money, and very inspiring.Its funny cuz

after i posted i wished i could take it back, i fall exactly in the

medium load category and because of this i cringed after i saw my

post being sent.I dont want to bring anyone down, i thought to myself

how lucky i really am, my son and i have been fortunate as far as his

health is concerned(considering), and how could i sit and whine and

cry.Well i'll tell you why:i love my son to pieces; wished there was

something i could do to end the suffering he hasn't yet begun.I love

my son enough to pull myself back together and try to be the backbone

for him he'll continue to need me to be.Sometimes those cf blues are

hard to shake, and for when those moments arise when i doubt myself

and my world around me, i turn to people as understanding as you all

to listen, patiently, sometimes offering advice, and sometimes just

being a good support network, and i'm able to compose myself and be

brave again.(notice i politely left the part out about pulliing my

hair out,lol).

This is why i thank you all again for just being YOU, HERE.

Love and Light, with many a thanks!

Patty,mom to ty8wcf and 2wocf, recovering fr: CF Blues in a hurry!

(Glad Monday is gone!)

> Ok - don't laugh at me. And dont anyone take this as anything

other than my writings to myself, it is not intended to offend or

make anyone mad. Just things that go on in my mind. I dont know

that it will help anyone at all. Just the way I am thinking about

things (at the moment).

>

> Patty - you are not the only one out there that has these days

Keep your chin up.

>

> Vondie

> mom to 2 boys, both w/cf

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> Everybody in the whole entire world is unhappy at one time or

another. Each person has their own degree of unhappiness.

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> Some have just a little tinge of unhappiness. Just enough to make

them flinch. Not enough to change them in any way. Just enough to

make them think that sometimes things arent right, then back to

business as usual. Not enough to make them think that maybe there is

something different they should do in their lives. Not enough to make

them feel that they should treat anyone any different and not enough

to make them see that they are not the center of the world.

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> Some people have a medium load of unhappiness. Enough to feel like

it would break your back to have to carry. Just enough unhappiness

that it pushes them to the brink, but not over the edge. Maybe

something went wrong in their lives, maybe they took some wrong

turns. Nothing that can't be undone though. They have just enough

unhappiness to make them see some of the important things. Just

enough to make them a little more considerate, enough to make them

look at others and what they are going through. Enough to know pain,

but also know that there is always someone worse off than you.

>

> And some people have a full load to bear. Lots of unhappiness.

Plenty enough to make you crawl on all fours in order to carry it.

Unhappiness that pushes you over the edge, screaming out of control.

Unhappiness, that makes you cry so loud that you can't hear anything

else. Unhappiness that blinds you, piercing their eyes with painful

tears that won't stop. Unhappiness and pain that makes them want to

give up and some do. Enough pain that the mind would find it very

hard to try to rationalize any of it. Unhappiness that they cant see

their way through.

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> Now, where do we fall into these catagories? I myself fall

somewhere in between the latter two. I have enough pain in my life to

share with a dozen people and still have some left. Some days I feel

pushed over the edge, but I dig my claws in and find a way to climb

back up again. Amazing that I can do it sometimes. Yes, I may climb

back up screaming the whole way. I made wrong turns in my life, some

could be undone. Others led to things that cannot be undone. And in

all honesty, I don't know that I want to undo them. Do I have a full

load? yes, I do. It puts me on all fours sometimes, face down in the

dirt, but I find a way to get back on at least my knees again, of

course standing back up with an eye full of blinding tears. But, I

dont give up. Of course I have two reasons not to. They are the

reasons that I look for the brighter sides. I see through them the

important things, the love, the hugs & the kisses. (MY important

things) Its because of them that my heart is open to others and their

situations. And it is because of them that I see that others do have

it worse than I do. I think that because of them, my heart is evened

out. Because of them that I keep fighting all the overwhelming

unhappiness. Because of them. So, I guess because of them and all

that goes with it, it makes me a better person, in spite of the

unhappiness. Am I jealous of the people with just a little

unhappiness? You know it. Am I glad that I am not one of the first

group? All in all, yes. After all, what would I be without my

unhappiness?

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