RE: Im tired of being invisible

October 5, 2000

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I have used those exact words " feeling invisible " so many times. I

had to forward your message to a friend (who is a small size 8). I

asked her if it reminded her of anyone.

I have always had extremely thin, beautiful friends. Many whom have

been extremely caring and devoted friends to me for years and still

are. I have often befriended several girls who really didn't get

along with other pretty girls. I was no threat to them, and to both

male and female, I was always considered " the cool friend " .

I have been heavy most of my life. Eight years ago I starved myself

down to a size 8/10. I wouldn't know if people treated me differently

or not. That's because I didn't feel different. I felt just like I

did when I was 225. Mentally I was still heavy. Staying thin was an

obsession, and no matter how I looked I was still the " fat girl " to

me. I was proud of the weight loss, but it literally ruled my life. I

always considered myself invisible, even then.

I started to put the weight back on and it almost destroyed me. My

weight reached an all time high. I then realized that for the first

time in my life I had to concentrate on my emotional well being. I

quit dieting, and exercising. Anything to do with weight loss. I

shouldn't have quit the exercise but I just had to stop everything.

It took me three years to finally feel good about me. I am 36 yrs., I

am at a job that I love in a big corporation, I have great friends, a

close knit family, and I live in a flat that I love. I feel good

about myself, much more so than any other time in my life. However, I

still battle the 'invisible' feeling.

I am pre-op and preparing my package to submit to Dr. Rutledge. Now

that I have the rest of my life under control, I figure it's time to

take care of my weight issue once and for all. I truly believe that

MGB will help me do that. At this point in my life it's not an

obsession. It's more of a lifestyle change, a positive one. I feel I

am ready for it and ready to handle being thin in a positive, healthy

manner.

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