Im tired of being invisible.

October 4, 2000

Hello everyone. I understand completely what Trudy and Debbie are talking

about. I swear for the last couple of years I have felt like I am in the

audience watching all of this happen to someone else. It is so depressing

sometimes. I am 23 years old, and these are supposed to be some of the best

years of my life. I am so tired of being invisible. I hate to say it but my

personality is real and better than other woman I am around. I am considered

to be the cool friend. My male friends all say they love my company, that I

am their best friend but none of them ever consider me for more. On the

outside I am a go getting, I am always looking like I am having a great

time. Everyone comes to me for advice because I tell it how it is. But then

these guys go for these aired headed easy size 8 girls. I dont get it. I

also hate the fact that the day I graduated, with honors, from college all

my family could talk about was how fat I had gotten. No one realized or let

me enjoy the fact that I had just spent four years successfully graduating

from college. I loathed the way I felt. I received pictures of me receiving

my diploma, something I should I truely enjoyed and savored, and all I could

think about was how large I looked compared to everyone else. I know that my

family was just concerned, but I thought for one day maybe I could keep it

from dictating my life. I was sorely wrong.

I also fear that if all goes well and I get approved for the surgery and the

weight starts to come off, how I will feel when my friends and family start

treating me different. I know that this is one of things we all want is to

be treated better and respected, but how do you deal with knowing that these

people really have changed based upon how much weight I have surronding my

personality. I fear that these people I view as true friends will start to

change and treat me with more respect, and then I will remember how they

were before the weight loss and I will realize that the relationships I had

before were not 100% real. My best friend says maybe I just dont have enough

faith in my friends, but I am just thinking realistically. I am sorry this

is so long, but those of you who get through this if you feel the same or

have some insight pre or post op give me a personal email and we can share

our experiences and our fears. Thank you for your ears...

>From: missdebby@...

>Reply-To: MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com

>To: MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com

>Subject: " Crazy " in Arizona

>Date: Tue, 3 Oct 2000 18:53:14 EDT

>

>Trudy,

>Funny you should ask this today - Less than an hour ago, my husband tried

>anything and everything to get me to go with him to visit his sisters (They

>own a bar) - We haven't seen them in about 2 months and it is time -

>However

>I just wouldn't go. I tried to tell him that I just felt too fat -- and

>that

> " after " the surgery I would be happy to go anywhere with him.

>It's like now that I have a real solution - I am more uncomfortable with

>the

>way I am. I justify this by telling myself that my life has been on hold

>for

>so many years now -what's a few more months - But I realize today that it

>make me angry to have lost so many years. I HAVE to find a way to get this

>surgery. My Insurance company is being so dumb. I got their letter today

>and it said " Laproscopic gastroplasty is not a community or national

>standard. There is indication from the information provided that this is

>an

> " emergency procedure " necessitating the waiving of appropriate

>psychotherapy

>in this case "

>

>I CAN' T WALK!!!! H E L L OOOOOooooo Yes, this IS a REAL emergency....

>They

>are the ones who NEED the therapy!

>Sorry to rant - I am just frustrated!

>Debby (In Arizona)

>

October 4, 2000

Hi -

A dear, dear FRIEND of mine MGB 9/6/00 was concerned about the same thing. I

view on those concerns is this: we are going through MAJOR SURGERY because we

are tired of being 'one of the guys', we are tired of feeling invisible, we

are tired of 'feeling sexy' but not being viewed as 'sexy'. Now, if we go

through all of this, and no one treats us differently, I for one, would be

pretty upset.

It is human nature to treat us differently because of our weight. It is

acceptable, it is

politically correct. So don't be angry with them when they start treating

you as " Amourous " , JUST ENJOY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Regina in Charlotte

October 4, 2000

-

I would be more concerned that friends who have found comfort in thinking

they are " thinner, prettier, sexier " etc will maybe be a little jealous or

threatened and

react by trying to " keep you down " . After all, our friends love us because

there is alot of security in thinking their men won't chase us, or the men

will choose them over us, etc etc. It's a whole new ball game when a guy

looks right past your friend and right at you! Or when you are the one

getting all of the attention and they suddenly are a little less " visible " .

Just a thought

October 4, 2000

Hi ..

Even now I always feel like the people who are nice to me and love me

still talk behind my back about how fat I am... I guess it's just from years

and years of hearing all the snickering and laughing.... I don't trust very

many people, especially those I have not known very long... And it makes it

SOOOOO much worse when a family member does it, even if they don't mean it

to be hurtful... I just can't wait til I see the people that have hurt me so

much and show them that there really IS a person underneath all the ugly

fat... I can't wait til I can actually see myself as beautiful... As long as

I am carrying all this weight and hear all the snickers and feel all the

cold stares, it will never happen! Heck, Chuck <fiance> tells me I'm

beautiful and gorgeous almost everyday and I think he's nuts! I want to FEEL

what he SEES!!!! Oct 25th will be my new beginning!!!!!!!!!

In my thoughts and prayers,

Terri

PRE-OP!

10/25/00

BMI 55

" But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate

you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. " - Luke

6:27-28

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> Hello everyone. I understand completely what Trudy and Debbie are talking

> about. I swear for the last couple of years I have felt like I am in the

> audience watching all of this happen to someone else. It is so depressing

> sometimes. I am 23 years old, and these are supposed to be some of the

best

> years of my life. I am so tired of being invisible. I hate to say it but

my

> personality is real and better than other woman I am around. I am

considered

> to be the cool friend. My male friends all say they love my company, that

I

> am their best friend but none of them ever consider me for more. On the

> outside I am a go getting, I am always looking like I am having a great

> time. Everyone comes to me for advice because I tell it how it is. But

then

> these guys go for these aired headed easy size 8 girls. I dont get it. I

> also hate the fact that the day I graduated, with honors, from college all

> my family could talk about was how fat I had gotten. No one realized or

let

> me enjoy the fact that I had just spent four years successfully graduating

> from college. I loathed the way I felt. I received pictures of me

receiving

> my diploma, something I should I truely enjoyed and savored, and all I

could

> think about was how large I looked compared to everyone else. I know that

my

> family was just concerned, but I thought for one day maybe I could keep it

> from dictating my life. I was sorely wrong.

> I also fear that if all goes well and I get approved for the surgery and

the

> weight starts to come off, how I will feel when my friends and family

start

> treating me different. I know that this is one of things we all want is to

> be treated better and respected, but how do you deal with knowing that

these

> people really have changed based upon how much weight I have surronding my

> personality. I fear that these people I view as true friends will start to

> change and treat me with more respect, and then I will remember how they

> were before the weight loss and I will realize that the relationships I

had

> before were not 100% real. My best friend says maybe I just dont have

enough

> faith in my friends, but I am just thinking realistically. I am sorry this

> is so long, but those of you who get through this if you feel the same or

> have some insight pre or post op give me a personal email and we can share

> our experiences and our fears. Thank you for your ears...

October 4, 2000

Hey ..do this for you. It will weed out who the really good friends are.

If they aren't treating you with respect now when you're big, then they're not

friends anyway.

I'm nearly 58...I know the pain of what you are going through. Most of us here

do. I'm so glad for you that you have this available to you now, at this age,

and that you won't have to live 50 years with the pain (physical and

psychological) of obesity like I did.

Flo in land

> ** Original Subject: RE: Im tired of being invisible.

> ** >

> ** Original Date: Wed, 04 Oct 2000 12:49:34 -0600

> ** Original Message follows...

>

> Hello everyone. I understand completely what Trudy and Debbie are talking

> about. I swear for the last couple of years I have felt like I am in the

> audience watching all of this happen to someone else. It is so depressing

> sometimes. I am 23 years old, and these are supposed to be some of the best

> years of my life. I am so tired of being invisible. I hate to say it but my

> personality is real and better than other woman I am around. I am considered

> to be the cool friend. My male friends all say they love my company, that I

> am their best friend but none of them ever consider me for more. On the

> outside I am a go getting, I am always looking like I am having a great

> time. Everyone comes to me for advice because I tell it how it is. But then

> these guys go for these aired headed easy size 8 girls. I dont get it. I

> also hate the fact that the day I graduated, with honors, from college all

> my family could talk about was how fat I had gotten. No one realized or let

> me enjoy the fact that I had just spent four years successfully graduating

> from college. I loathed the way I felt. I received pictures of me receiving

> my diploma, something I should I truely enjoyed and savored, and all I could

> think about was how large I looked compared to everyone else. I know that my

> family was just concerned, but I thought for one day maybe I could keep it

> from dictating my life. I was sorely wrong.

> I also fear that if all goes well and I get approved for the surgery and the

> weight starts to come off, how I will feel when my friends and family start

> treating me different. I know that this is one of things we all want is to

> be treated better and respected, but how do you deal with knowing that these

> people really have changed based upon how much weight I have surronding my

> personality. I fear that these people I view as true friends will start to

> change and treat me with more respect, and then I will remember how they

> were before the weight loss and I will realize that the relationships I had

> before were not 100% real. My best friend says maybe I just dont have enough

> faith in my friends, but I am just thinking realistically. I am sorry this

> is so long, but those of you who get through this if you feel the same or

> have some insight pre or post op give me a personal email and we can share

> our experiences and our fears. Thank you for your ears...

>

> >From: missdebby@...

> >Reply-To: MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com

> >To: MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com

> >Subject: " Crazy " in Arizona

> >Date: Tue, 3 Oct 2000 18:53:14 EDT

> >

> >Trudy,

> >Funny you should ask this today - Less than an hour ago, my husband tried

> >anything and everything to get me to go with him to visit his sisters (They

> >own a bar) - We haven't seen them in about 2 months and it is time -

> >However

> >I just wouldn't go. I tried to tell him that I just felt too fat -- and

> >that

> > " after " the surgery I would be happy to go anywhere with him.

> >It's like now that I have a real solution - I am more uncomfortable with

> >the

> >way I am. I justify this by telling myself that my life has been on hold

> >for

> >so many years now -what's a few more months - But I realize today that it

> >make me angry to have lost so many years. I HAVE to find a way to get this

> >surgery. My Insurance company is being so dumb. I got their letter today

> >and it said " Laproscopic gastroplasty is not a community or national

> >standard. There is indication from the information provided that this is

> >an

> > " emergency procedure " necessitating the waiving of appropriate

> >psychotherapy

> >in this case "

> >

> >I CAN' T WALK!!!! H E L L OOOOOooooo Yes, this IS a REAL emergency....

> >They

> >are the ones who NEED the therapy!

> >Sorry to rant - I am just frustrated!

> >Debby (In Arizona)

> >

October 4, 2000

You have such a way with words, Regina

That's a ditto from me, !!

Trudy

Re: Im tired of being invisible.

Hi -

A dear, dear FRIEND of mine MGB 9/6/00 was concerned about the same thing. I

view on those concerns is this: we are going through MAJOR SURGERY because we

are tired of being 'one of the guys', we are tired of feeling invisible, we

are tired of 'feeling sexy' but not being viewed as 'sexy'. Now, if we go

through all of this, and no one treats us differently, I for one, would be

pretty upset.

It is human nature to treat us differently because of our weight. It is

acceptable, it is

politically correct. So don't be angry with them when they start treating

you as " Amourous " , JUST ENJOY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Regina in Charlotte

October 4, 2000

Try not to worry about the way people will treat you. Some will treat you

with more respect and some will be jealous and not very nice. But the most

important person is YOU and you will be proud of yourself and you will like

the changes you see in yourself and there will be a glow about you that

everyone will notice even if they don't say anything.

Lynda Earp

sville Beach, NC

learp@...

MGB 4/26/00

79 pounds gone forever

Re: Im tired of being invisible.

>You have such a way with words, Regina

>That's a ditto from me, !!

>Trudy

> Re: Im tired of being invisible.

>

> Hi -

> A dear, dear FRIEND of mine MGB 9/6/00 was concerned about the same

thing. I

> view on those concerns is this: we are going through MAJOR SURGERY

because we

> are tired of being 'one of the guys', we are tired of feeling invisible,

we

> are tired of 'feeling sexy' but not being viewed as 'sexy'. Now, if we go

> through all of this, and no one treats us differently, I for one, would

be

> pretty upset.

> It is human nature to treat us differently because of our weight. It is

> acceptable, it is

> politically correct. So don't be angry with them when they start

treating

> you as " Amourous " , JUST ENJOY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

> Sincerely,

> Regina in Charlotte

>

October 4, 2000

-

I have used those exact words " feeling invisible " so many times. I

had to forward your message to a friend (who is a small size 8). I

asked her if it reminded her of anyone.

I have always had extremely thin, beautiful friends. I was often

friends with girls who really didn't get along with other pretty

girls. I was no threat to them, and to both male and female, I was

considered " the cool friend " .

I have been heavy most of my life. Eight years ago I starved myself

down to a size 8/10. I wouldn't know if people treated me

differently or not. That's because I didn't feel different. I felt

just like I did when I was 225. Mentally I was still heavy. Staying

thin was an obsession, and no matter how I looked I was still

the " fat girl " to me. I was proud of the weight loss, but it

literally ruled my life. I always considered myself invisible, even

then.

I started to put the weight back on and it almost destroyed me. My

weight reached an all time high. I then realized that for the first

time in my life I had to concentrate on my emotional well being. I

quit dieting, and exercising. Anything to do with weight loss. I

shouldn't have quit the exercise but I just had to stop everything.

It took me three years to finally feel good about me. I am 36 yrs.,

I am at a job that I love in a big corporation, I have really good

friends, a close knit family and I live in a flat that I love. I

feel good about myself, much more so than any other time in my life.

However, I still battle the 'invisible' feeling.

I am pre-op and preparing my package to submit to Dr. Rutledge. Now

that I have the rest of my life under control, I figure it's time to

take care of my weight issue once and for all. I truly believe that

MGB will help me do that. At this point in my life it's not an

obsession. It's more of a lifestyle change, a positive one. I feel

I am ready for it and ready to handle being thin in a positive,

healthy manner.

-E. Staley

>

> > Hello everyone. I understand completely what Trudy and Debbie are

talking

> > about. I swear for the last couple of years I have felt like I am

in the

> > audience watching all of this happen to someone else. It is so

depressing

> > sometimes. I am 23 years old, and these are supposed to be some

of the best

> > years of my life. I am so tired of being invisible. I hate to say

it but my

> > personality is real and better than other woman I am around. I am

considered

> > to be the cool friend. My male friends all say they love my

company, that I

> > am their best friend but none of them ever consider me for more.

On the

> > outside I am a go getting, I am always looking like I am having a

great

> > time. Everyone comes to me for advice because I tell it how it

is. But then

> > these guys go for these aired headed easy size 8 girls. I dont

get it. I

> > also hate the fact that the day I graduated, with honors, from

college all

> > my family could talk about was how fat I had gotten. No one

realized or let

> > me enjoy the fact that I had just spent four years successfully

graduating

> > from college. I loathed the way I felt. I received pictures of me

receiving

> > my diploma, something I should I truely enjoyed and savored, and

all I could

> > think about was how large I looked compared to everyone else. I

know that my

> > family was just concerned, but I thought for one day maybe I

could keep it

> > from dictating my life. I was sorely wrong.

> > I also fear that if all goes well and I get approved for the

surgery and the

> > weight starts to come off, how I will feel when my friends and

family start

> > treating me different. I know that this is one of things we all

want is to

> > be treated better and respected, but how do you deal with knowing

that these

> > people really have changed based upon how much weight I have

surronding my

> > personality. I fear that these people I view as true friends will

start to

> > change and treat me with more respect, and then I will remember

how they

> > were before the weight loss and I will realize that the

relationships I had

> > before were not 100% real. My best friend says maybe I just dont

have enough

> > faith in my friends, but I am just thinking realistically. I am

sorry this

> > is so long, but those of you who get through this if you feel the

same or

> > have some insight pre or post op give me a personal email and we

can share

> > our experiences and our fears. Thank you for your ears...

> >

> > >From: missdebby@a...

> > >Reply-To: MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com

> > >To: MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com

> > >Subject: " Crazy " in Arizona

> > >Date: Tue, 3 Oct 2000 18:53:14 EDT

> > >

> > >Trudy,

> > >Funny you should ask this today - Less than an hour ago, my

husband tried

> > >anything and everything to get me to go with him to visit his

sisters (They

> > >own a bar) - We haven't seen them in about 2 months and it is

time -

> > >However

> > >I just wouldn't go. I tried to tell him that I just felt too

fat -- and

> > >that

> > > " after " the surgery I would be happy to go anywhere with him.

> > >It's like now that I have a real solution - I am more

uncomfortable with

> > >the

> > >way I am. I justify this by telling myself that my life has

been on hold

> > >for

> > >so many years now -what's a few more months - But I realize

today that it

> > >make me angry to have lost so many years. I HAVE to find a way

to get this

> > >surgery. My Insurance company is being so dumb. I got their

letter today

> > >and it said " Laproscopic gastroplasty is not a community or

national

> > >standard. There is indication from the information provided

that this is

> > >an

> > > " emergency procedure " necessitating the waiving of appropriate

> > >psychotherapy

> > >in this case "

> > >

> > >I CAN' T WALK!!!! H E L L OOOOOooooo Yes, this IS a REAL

emergency....

> > >They

> > >are the ones who NEED the therapy!

> > >Sorry to rant - I am just frustrated!

> > >Debby (In Arizona)

> > >

October 4, 2000

Hi . I bet you have been overwhelmed with mail. I don't think there is

one of us who have not felt the same way. Keep on plugging for the surgery and

maybe things will look up. Phyllis is Fla

amanda fannasy wrote: