RE: I need to blow some steam off!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/27/2003 2:48:38 AM Central Standard Time,

baileyk80@... writes:

No grand father is better than one that doesn't care. I grew up without

grand parents and I turned out fine. But when it comes to your girls you are

their ONLY defense, and I know from experience, husbands WILL NOT deal with

their

own families. It is obviously up to the wife to be the bad guy. THANK GOD

that is one department that I don't have trouble with. If you piss me off or

mess with my kids THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY : ) Don't be afraid of the guy, and

be mean if you have to sometimes that is the only was stubborn old men will

listen. Sorry if I rambled, but it is 2:45 am and I obviously can't sleep, lol.

Katy

Mom to Austin 4 no CF & Piper 17 months w/CF

Katy Thanks for the advice and I think you are very right!! I am going to

have to be the bad guy I just have to figure out how I am going to do it. Deb A

[Guest guest]

Re: I need to blow some steam off!!!!!!

In a message dated 12/26/2003 3:35:46 PM Central Standard Time,

drea@... writes:

I am a former smoker and I know how hard it is to quit, my hubby is still

struggling to quit. He smokes only outside, far away from .

My husband sneaks a cigarette now and then too but at least he has the

decency to do it when the kids are not around!!! Deb A

Deb,

Exactly! doesn't WANT to smoke anymore but he is unable to quit. He

refuses to let be exposed to it and he makes sure no one smokes around

her. He is as vigilant about it as I am.

[Guest guest]

Hi Deb,

You are right. You need to address this with the grandfather

directly along with your husband without the kids present to see the

fireworks. I need to address some issues with my family as well and

your post made me realize that I need to do it now when Zach is

young so we can get past it before he knows any better.

You might try this approach with talking with your father in law:

" I know you love your granddaughters and they love you very much too.

I respect your right to do as you wish in your own home, just as I

hope you respect our right to keep our daughters away from people

who are smoking. Please feel free to visit the girls at our home

while not smoking. Do not ask the girls why they do not come to see

you because you already know the answer. We hope this " clears the

air " . "

Instruct your girls to tell their grandfather that when he puts them

on the spot about not visiting (which he will, he seems like a clod)

that they cannot be around anyone who chooses to smoke in front of

them. As people with cf they need to develop the confidence to ask

people to refrain from smoking around them.

I don't know if this will help, but I am going to try a similiar

approach with my family about some other cf issues. I will let you

know if it is a blessing or a bust.

Good luck and know that your girls are lucky to have such a fiesty

mommy!

Sara - mommy of Zach 22 months

> I am so pissed!!!!! We just spent Christmas with my Father in law

and every

> year I have to worry about someone smoking around my girls. Well,

the last few

> years I thought I had made myself clear to my father in law and

step mother in

> law that our girls cannot have smoke around them. But my stubborn

Father in

> law I think feels like this is my house and I will do what I want!

So we get

> there and as soon as we walk in the door my middle child that does

not have CF

> says to me MOM they are smoking in there!! I looked at my husband

and said did

> you hear Lynzie they are smoking!! He says to me I know and shrugs

his

> shoulder and I know everyone heard what we were talking about so

they quickly smoked

> the rest of their cigarettes. I told the girls to stay in the

kitchen the

> farthest away from the room they were in. So OK everyone starts to

eat (So know

> one was smoking at that time which was so very nice of them

NOT!!!) and thank

> god it was nice out because as soon as we get done eating I talked

the girls

> into going outside and ride the 4 wheelers which I didn't have to

ask them twice.

> Well, after about an hour of being outside my youngest who is 6

decides she

> wants to come inside and have some dessert. I tell her again and

everyone heard

> me please stay in the kitchen so you can stay away from the smoke.

Well, I am

> sure you know how well that went before long she was begging me to

go into

> another room were everyone else was. I finally agreed because know

one is

> smoking in that room. Well, while we were in there my father in

law wonders in that

> room WITH A CIGARETTE!! I THINK SMOKE WAS COMING OUT OF MY EAR!!!!

I sat there

> for about 5 minutes and I said Natalynn lets go outside and I

quickly grabbed

> her and went to the breeze way and my husband comes in from

outside and I

> look at him and I said lets go home. He knew I was pissed and he

said OK. I got

> the girls coats on and told them to wait out in the car while I

get everything.

> I got out of there so fast I hope they realize I was pissed!! When

we got

> home I was in tears!! My husband drove our four wheeler home so I

was in the car

> with my two girls that have CF and I was trying to explain to them

why we had

> to leave so early and while I was doing that I burst in to tears!!

I am so mad

> at myself for getting so upset in front of them but I couldn't

keep it in any

> longer. I feel so bad because they got upset and were worried

about me.

> I just can't understand how a Grandfather can think so little of

his

> grandkids!! I am so upset that I am in tears just writing this!!!

I talk some more to

> my husband and he totally agrees that his Dad will do what he

wants to do

> because it is his house. I said I am going to have to talk to him

and see if I can

> get through to him because obviously my husband can't. So I told

him if this

> don't work well we will be spend the next Christmas at home! I

hate to do this

> to our kids but it is not worth risking them getting sick and

damaging them

> lungs! I just can't think of people that only think of

themselves!!!!!!! It is

> so unfair for my girls!!!! I guess if they want to see our girls

they will

> have to come under our turf!! And live by my rules!!! And the

funny thing is he

> will say to my girls how come you don't come to visit me that much

anymore

> DUH!!!! HOW CAN I GET THOUGH TO SOMEONE THIS STUBBORN!!!!!!! DO I

HAVE TO DRILL IT

> IN YOUR HEAD DUH!!!!!! I even asked my husband does he even

realize what CF

> is and he said I don't know but he has seen my oldest have PICC

lines in and he

> know she has had to have surgery but he just doesn't CARE!!! I

can't see it

> any other way why would someone be so heartless????? I JUST CAN'T

UNDERSTAND

> IT!!!!! I am feel so much better just to get this out!! I'm sorry

for making

> this so long but I really need to vent. I hope every one else's

Christmas was

> better then mine. Our Christmas at home was the best ever it just

went sour when

> we had to go to my in (like someone else on here calls it) MY

OUTLAWS!!!!!!!!

> Thanks again for listening!! Deb A

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I AM SO SORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH. I AGREE THAT YOUR FATHER IN

LAW SEEMS TO NOT CARE VERY MUCH ABOUT HIS FAMILY'S HEALTH. WHEN MY INLAWS FOUND

OUT ABOUT MY SON, THEY DID NOT SMOKE IN THE HOUSE AT ALL ANYMORE, MY FATHER IN

LAW SMOKES AND HE HAS TO GO OUTSIDE BECAUSE MY MOTHER IN LAW SAID SHE WOULD DO

ANYTHING TO SEE HER GRANDCHILD. WHAT I AM SUGGESTING IS SAY THE CHILDREN CANNOT

COME TO THE HOUSE IF ANYONE IS GOING TO BE SMOKING AT THE TIME. IF ANYONE IS

AFFENDED TO BAD. BUT BECAUSE IT IS YOUR HUSBANDS FAMILY MAYBE HE SHOULD DO THE

TALKING.

KAREN

CODY 22 MONTHS W/CF

I need to blow some steam off!!!!!!

I am so pissed!!!!! We just spent Christmas with my Father in law and every

year I have to worry about someone smoking around my girls. Well, the last few

years I thought I had made myself clear to my father in law and step mother in

law that our girls cannot have smoke around them. But my stubborn Father in

law I think feels like this is my house and I will do what I want! So we get

there and as soon as we walk in the door my middle child that does not have CF

says to me MOM they are smoking in there!! I looked at my husband and said did

you hear Lynzie they are smoking!! He says to me I know and shrugs his

shoulder and I know everyone heard what we were talking about so they quickly

smoked

the rest of their cigarettes. I told the girls to stay in the kitchen the

farthest away from the room they were in. So OK everyone starts to eat (So

know

one was smoking at that time which was so very nice of them NOT!!!) and thank

god it was nice out because as soon as we get done eating I talked the girls

into going outside and ride the 4 wheelers which I didn't have to ask them

twice.

Well, after about an hour of being outside my youngest who is 6 decides she

wants to come inside and have some dessert. I tell her again and everyone

heard

me please stay in the kitchen so you can stay away from the smoke. Well, I am

sure you know how well that went before long she was begging me to go into

another room were everyone else was. I finally agreed because know one is

smoking in that room. Well, while we were in there my father in law wonders in

that

room WITH A CIGARETTE!! I THINK SMOKE WAS COMING OUT OF MY EAR!!!! I sat there

for about 5 minutes and I said Natalynn lets go outside and I quickly grabbed

her and went to the breeze way and my husband comes in from outside and I

look at him and I said lets go home. He knew I was pissed and he said OK. I

got

the girls coats on and told them to wait out in the car while I get

everything.

I got out of there so fast I hope they realize I was pissed!! When we got

home I was in tears!! My husband drove our four wheeler home so I was in the

car

with my two girls that have CF and I was trying to explain to them why we had

to leave so early and while I was doing that I burst in to tears!! I am so mad

at myself for getting so upset in front of them but I couldn't keep it in any

longer. I feel so bad because they got upset and were worried about me.

I just can't understand how a Grandfather can think so little of his

grandkids!! I am so upset that I am in tears just writing this!!! I talk some

more to

my husband and he totally agrees that his Dad will do what he wants to do

because it is his house. I said I am going to have to talk to him and see if I

can

get through to him because obviously my husband can't. So I told him if this

don't work well we will be spend the next Christmas at home! I hate to do this

to our kids but it is not worth risking them getting sick and damaging them

lungs! I just can't think of people that only think of themselves!!!!!!! It is

so unfair for my girls!!!! I guess if they want to see our girls they will

have to come under our turf!! And live by my rules!!! And the funny thing is

he

will say to my girls how come you don't come to visit me that much anymore

DUH!!!! HOW CAN I GET THOUGH TO SOMEONE THIS STUBBORN!!!!!!! DO I HAVE TO

DRILL IT

IN YOUR HEAD DUH!!!!!! I even asked my husband does he even realize what CF

is and he said I don't know but he has seen my oldest have PICC lines in and

he

know she has had to have surgery but he just doesn't CARE!!! I can't see it

any other way why would someone be so heartless????? I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND

IT!!!!! I am feel so much better just to get this out!! I'm sorry for making

this so long but I really need to vent. I hope every one else's Christmas was

better then mine. Our Christmas at home was the best ever it just went sour

when

we had to go to my in (like someone else on here calls it) MY OUTLAWS!!!!!!!!

Thanks again for listening!! Deb A

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/27/2003 10:33:00 AM Central Standard Time,

sara@... writes:

Good luck and know that your girls are lucky to have such a fiesty

mommy!

Sara

Thanks Sara!! I guess I am feisty when it comes to my kids! Thanks for you

advice and I do think that is how I am going to approach him about it. Because I

know he thinks he can do what he wants in his home I think I will just say

the reason we don't go there is because of there health and because his home is

a smoking house we cannot go. Wish me luck because the first time I see him I

will confront him. Thanks again Deb A