Re: GOD'S VIEW ON LAWNS/from Dan

[Guest guest]

Since I don't have a lawn yet, do you think this will deter Rich from getting

one put in? LOL

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Subject: GOD'S VIEW ON LAWNS

GOD: , you know all about gardens and nature, what in the

world is going on down there in the U.S.? What in the world happened to

the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I

had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of

soil,

with stand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long

lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I

expected to see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of

green.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are

called the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers " weeds " and went

to

great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't

attract bees, butterflies or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's

temperamental

with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want grass growing

there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it

and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing it and

poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and the warm weather probably makes the grass

grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites very happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a

little, they cut it---sometimes two times a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it

in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight: They fertilize it to make it grow

and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

</DIV><DIV>ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut

back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and

saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass

stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it

so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was

a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in

the spring to provide beauty and shade in summer. In the autumn, they fall

to the

ground and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and

protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost

to enhance

the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves

fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled

away.

</DIV><DIV>GOD: No way!! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree

roots

in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

</DIV><DIV>ST. FRANCIS: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy

something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of

the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make

mulch.

GOD: Enough!! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint

, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for

us

tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: " Dumb and Dumber " , Lord. It's a real stupid movie

about...

GOD: Never mind---I think I just heard the whole story from Saint

Francis!

</DIV></div>

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