Re: Help anyone???

September 9, 2000

~

Have you thought about putting your feelings about how the excess weight has

affected

you into a letter to your mom and dad? That way you can really express how it

has

affected you without any interruptions. I would also make sure they see the

medical

risks that are associated with morbid obesity.

I ended up having to tell my parents before surgery, though I wanted to wait

until it

was all over. Their reactions surprised me, however. I thought they would

respond

like your parents did, and I didn't want to have to defend my decision, since I

had

already done that with the insurance company. Surprisingly, my parents were

already

well aware of the physical and emotional pain that being overweight has caused

me.

Anyway, I suggest a letter from YOU describing every pain, every disappointment

and

any humiliation you have suffered. No parent wants their child to hurt, and if

you

make it clear to them that you are hurting, and there is a solution, they will

hear!

Best wishes to you,

Tricia

kellylynn1@... wrote:

>

> Hello everyone!

>

> I'm looking for some advise/help. I have been researching WLS

> since April. To make a long story short... I will have to be a self-

> pay and as a last resort I asked my parents if I could borrow the

> money to have the MGB done. I talked to them tonight and they

> did not take it very well, honestly they didnt even know I was

> looking into surgery, so I am sure they were a little shocked. I got

> comments like... " Kel, you are NOT obese " (at 5'5 " and 250lbs... YES

> I am mom!!!) They think this is a very drastic step, granted they

> are willing to look into it and she says they will visit clos.net.

> My mom is blaming depression for my weight and my weight on

> depression (according to my neuro psych eval, I am not depressed).

> The one thing I'm depressed about is the way I look. It just didn't

> go the way I was hoping. But I guess it could have been worse, at

> least they are willing to look into it. Any suggestions/comments on

> how some of you may have handeled your family would be greatly

> appreciated!! Also, if need be.... would any of you be willing to

> email my mom? If so, please email me privately at

> kellylynn1@....

> Thanks in advance!!!!

>

> This message is from the Mini-Gastric Bypass Mailing List at Onelist.com

> Please visit our web site at http://clos.net

> Get the Patient Manual at http://clos.net/get_patient_manual.htm

>

> and for more on the MGB,Don't miss :

> http://www.fourlane.com/mgb

>

> To Unsubscribe Send and Email to: MiniGastricBypass-unsubscribe (AT) egroups (DOT) com

September 9, 2000

Hi ,

If you go to " Calculate your BMI " near the bottom of the MGB home

page, your BMI is 41. With a BMI of 41, you are severely obese.

First, point that out to your parents.

Next, download and print the patient education manual. (I recommend

that you download the .pdf file and print from Acrobat instead of

trying to print from the web pages.) In it, Dr. R. identifies all the

health risks associated with being obese, nevermind the looks part.

Look at his chart identifying the risks of a higher BMI compared to a

BMI of 25. What about quality of life? Ability to exercise, self-

esteem, etc. I remember in high school how difficult it was in gym

class. I just couldn't do as much as the other kids. Not to mention

the ridicule.

I am 44 years old, am 5'10 " and weigh 350 pounds. Therefore, my BMI

is 50. I was not this heavy when I was your age. But after all the

diets, losing 75, 100, 150, etc. pounds and regaining, here I am.

I have found as I get older, my body cannot handle the excess weight

like it used to. I feel old before my time. My husband is 9 years

older than me and can run circles around me at his normal weight. I

have osteoarthritis in my knee which my Dr. said is primarily due to

my excess weight. You can't reverse this once you get it. No magic

pill. Knee replacement is the only " fix " with associated problems

from it as well. Also, my orthopedic surgeon will not perform knee

replacement at my current weight.

I have communicated with so many post-ops who say that they wished

they had done this sooner. How old are you Kelley?

Yes, you should take this seriously. There are a lot of things that

you need to do post-op and for the rest of your life. The patient

education manual tells you all of this. Plus, communicate with as

many post-ops as you can. Phone those who provide their phone numbers

so you can talk to them 1-on-one. You will sense their excitement.

Also, send them to 's website. She has tons of info and

photos about the procedure, comparisons with other procedures, before-

after pics, etc. http://www.fourlane.com/mgb/

Remember, you also will need a Primary Care Physician who will

support you on this. I suggest you bring him/her a hard copy of the

Patient Education Manual as well as Dr. R's most recent paper which

is more of a summary about the procedure:

http://clos.net/mgb-paper/MGB-Paper061300.htm

Point out to them that the money they lend you for this is more

important than if they were to loan or give you money towards a

house, car, or anything material. Your health and self-esteem is

worth more than any of these things.

I am currently trying to get insurance approval for myself. My

package has already been approved by Dr. R.

Best of luck to you,

Kris Kuhl (Fredericksburg, VA)

> Hello everyone!

>

> I'm looking for some advise/help. I have been researching WLS

> since April. To make a long story short... I will have to be a

self-

> pay and as a last resort I asked my parents if I could borrow the

> money to have the MGB done. I talked to them tonight and they

> did not take it very well, honestly they didnt even know I was

> looking into surgery, so I am sure they were a little shocked. I

got

> comments like... " Kel, you are NOT obese " (at 5'5 " and 250lbs...

YES

> I am mom!!!) They think this is a very drastic step, granted they

> are willing to look into it and she says they will visit

clos.net.

> My mom is blaming depression for my weight and my weight on

> depression (according to my neuro psych eval, I am not depressed).

> The one thing I'm depressed about is the way I look. It just

didn't

> go the way I was hoping. But I guess it could have been worse, at

> least they are willing to look into it. Any suggestions/comments

on

> how some of you may have handeled your family would be greatly

> appreciated!! Also, if need be.... would any of you be willing to

> email my mom? If so, please email me privately at

> kellylynn1@a...

> Thanks in advance!!!!

>

September 9, 2000

,

I just thought I would share a little bit with you on how I persuaded my

parents and my husband into support. First I was looking into the open

RNY-they were definitely not as supportive as I had hoped. They were really

concerned that I was reacting to my weight drastically. But, I was 346 and

5'6 " - and like everyone else on this board- I had tried everything without

success. A friend of mine told me about Dr. Rutledge and I looked into it. I

was totally impressed with what I found. I, then sat with my mother and

husband and explained to them my concerns and fears for my health. Trust me

when I say-things got really emotional. I told them how I had been thinking

of the pro's and con's and the risk of surgery was a lot smaller than the

risk of obesity. I started to list every benefit I had hoped for from the

surgery and then explained that I felt it was the only way I could live any

kind of a life because I am not living it the way I am now. We both cried. I

gave her the web site-she shared it with my father. I can't even believe it

myself-but all three of them are the most supportive they have been about

anything. They all say how proud they are for me and they are excited for me.

I think that after they view the website that they will be a lot more

supportive. Give them a little time to get used to the idea and do there own

research. You are their child and surgery is scary to them. If you have never

expressed concerns about your weight to them before they don't know how it

affects you. They probably think that you are fine with your weight. Most of

us pretend that we are-it is easier to deal with that way. Anyway-give them a

few days-and then go to them again. Ask if they saw the website and what they

thought. They will probably be more supportive after they see the facts. They

will learn the risks and benefits and probably want this for you as much as

you want it for yourself. Good luck and keep me posted as to how things go.

You are in my prayers.

Terri

pre-op from FL

September 9, 2000

Dear ,

My guess is neither one of your parents weigh over 150 so they don't know

some of the personal battles you wage everyday. Once they look at the site

they may have a change of heart. Any time your kids are depressed or

hurting it is hard to manage those feelings. (Regardless of the age of the

parent/child.) My experience was so different. My mom (two of her sisters

and one brother too)had the original open WLS in the early 80's. Everybody

on that side of the family either does or did weigh over 400 lbs. When I

told her what I wanted she was so sad that my self esteem was in the gutter

but so supportive that I would be seeking an option. My Dad had even

volunteered to come and house/child sit while my husband and I go to Durham.

Just let the information soak in for them gradually. I'll be thinking of

you.

Tarri in Missouri

Help anyone???