Fw: Funny....must read.....

[Guest guest]

For non-southerners when visiting down SOUTH.

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>> 1) Don't order steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a

>> day, so let them cook something they know.

>>

>> 2) Don't laugh at southern people's names. (Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray,

>> Tammy Ann, Darla Beth, Inez, Bubba, Billy Joe Bob, Sissy, etc.) These

>> people have been known to kick a man's ass for less.

>>

>> 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can also lead to

>> an ass kicking. Down south it's called Coke. It don't make a damn

>> whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr.Pepper, 7-Up or whatever else, it's a Coke.

>>

>> 4) Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't in the

>> Big 12, SEC or ACC or we'll kick your ass (Texas, Oklahoma, Carolina,

>> Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, etc.). All the others are

>> just a bunch of pansies that play teams like Wyoming. We'll kick their

>> ass, too.

>>

>> 5) Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our

>> heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty,

>> , Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally lots

>> nicer. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred of Fed Ex,

>> Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do

>> sometimes have a small lapse in judgment (e.g., Helms). We don't care

>> if you think we are all dumb because we will kick your ass.

>>

>> 6) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up,

>> spend your money, and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass.

>>

>> 7) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly

>> know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended, and

>> don't put sugar on your grits or we'll kick your ass.

>>

>> 8) Don't fake a southern accent. This will incite a riot and you will

>> get your ass kicked.

>>

>> 9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't

>> give a damn. If you don't like it here, take your ass home before we

>> kick it.

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>> 10) We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy

>> northern games, so don't come down here asking the score because we

>> don't give a damn and we'll kick your ass.

>>

>> 11) We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we

>> want to and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand what

>> we are saying. All other southerners understand what we are saying, and

>> that's all that matters. Now, go home or we'll kick your ass.

>>

>> 12) Last, but not least, DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to

>> BBQ. This will get your ass shot off (after it is kicked). You're

>> lucky we let you come down here at all. Question our BBQ, and go home

>> in a pine box minus your ass. 'Nuff said.

>>

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