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Ok - don't laugh at me. And dont anyone take this as anything other than my

writings to myself, it is not intended to offend or make anyone mad. Just

things that go on in my mind. I dont know that it will help anyone at all.

Just the way I am thinking about things (at the moment).

Patty - you are not the only one out there that has these days :) Keep your

chin up.

Vondie

mom to 2 boys, both w/cf

Everybody in the whole entire world is unhappy at one time or another. Each

person has their own degree of unhappiness.

Some have just a little tinge of unhappiness. Just enough to make them flinch.

Not enough to change them in any way. Just enough to make them think that

sometimes things arent right, then back to business as usual. Not enough to make

them think that maybe there is something different they should do in their

lives. Not enough to make them feel that they should treat anyone any different

and not enough to make them see that they are not the center of the world.

Some people have a medium load of unhappiness. Enough to feel like it would

break your back to have to carry. Just enough unhappiness that it pushes them to

the brink, but not over the edge. Maybe something went wrong in their lives,

maybe they took some wrong turns. Nothing that can't be undone though. They have

just enough unhappiness to make them see some of the important things. Just

enough to make them a little more considerate, enough to make them look at

others and what they are going through. Enough to know pain, but also know that

there is always someone worse off than you.

And some people have a full load to bear. Lots of unhappiness. Plenty enough to

make you crawl on all fours in order to carry it. Unhappiness that pushes you

over the edge, screaming out of control. Unhappiness, that makes you cry so loud

that you can't hear anything else. Unhappiness that blinds you, piercing their

eyes with painful tears that won't stop. Unhappiness and pain that makes them

want to give up and some do. Enough pain that the mind would find it very hard

to try to rationalize any of it. Unhappiness that they cant see their way

through.

Now, where do we fall into these catagories? I myself fall somewhere in between

the latter two. I have enough pain in my life to share with a dozen people and

still have some left. Some days I feel pushed over the edge, but I dig my claws

in and find a way to climb back up again. Amazing that I can do it sometimes.

Yes, I may climb back up screaming the whole way. I made wrong turns in my life,

some could be undone. Others led to things that cannot be undone. And in all

honesty, I don't know that I want to undo them. Do I have a full load? yes, I

do. It puts me on all fours sometimes, face down in the dirt, but I find a way

to get back on at least my knees again, of course standing back up with an eye

full of blinding tears. But, I dont give up. Of course I have two reasons not

to. They are the reasons that I look for the brighter sides. I see through them

the important things, the love, the hugs & the kisses. (MY important things) Its

because of them that my heart is open to others and their situations. And it is

because of them that I see that others do have it worse than I do. I think that

because of them, my heart is evened out. Because of them that I keep fighting

all the overwhelming unhappiness. Because of them. So, I guess because of them

and all that goes with it, it makes me a better person, in spite of the

unhappiness. Am I jealous of the people with just a little unhappiness? You

know it. Am I glad that I am not one of the first group? All in all, yes. After

all, what would I be without my unhappiness?

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Vondie,

How eloquently written! I am going to send a copy of this to my

daughter. You said it exactly right.

Thanks,

Gale

> Ok - don't laugh at me. And dont anyone take this as anything

other than my writings to myself, it is not intended to offend or

make anyone mad. Just things that go on in my mind. I dont know

that it will help anyone at all. Just the way I am thinking about

things (at the moment).

>

> Patty - you are not the only one out there that has these days :)

Keep your chin up.

>

> Vondie

> mom to 2 boys, both w/cf

>

>

>

>

> Everybody in the whole entire world is unhappy at one time or

another. Each person has their own degree of unhappiness.

>

> Some have just a little tinge of unhappiness. Just enough to make

them flinch. Not enough to change them in any way. Just enough to

make them think that sometimes things arent right, then back to

business as usual. Not enough to make them think that maybe there is

something different they should do in their lives. Not enough to make

them feel that they should treat anyone any different and not enough

to make them see that they are not the center of the world.

>

> Some people have a medium load of unhappiness. Enough to feel like

it would break your back to have to carry. Just enough unhappiness

that it pushes them to the brink, but not over the edge. Maybe

something went wrong in their lives, maybe they took some wrong

turns. Nothing that can't be undone though. They have just enough

unhappiness to make them see some of the important things. Just

enough to make them a little more considerate, enough to make them

look at others and what they are going through. Enough to know pain,

but also know that there is always someone worse off than you.

>

> And some people have a full load to bear. Lots of unhappiness.

Plenty enough to make you crawl on all fours in order to carry it.

Unhappiness that pushes you over the edge, screaming out of control.

Unhappiness, that makes you cry so loud that you can't hear anything

else. Unhappiness that blinds you, piercing their eyes with painful

tears that won't stop. Unhappiness and pain that makes them want to

give up and some do. Enough pain that the mind would find it very

hard to try to rationalize any of it. Unhappiness that they cant see

their way through.

>

> Now, where do we fall into these catagories? I myself fall

somewhere in between the latter two. I have enough pain in my life to

share with a dozen people and still have some left. Some days I feel

pushed over the edge, but I dig my claws in and find a way to climb

back up again. Amazing that I can do it sometimes. Yes, I may climb

back up screaming the whole way. I made wrong turns in my life, some

could be undone. Others led to things that cannot be undone. And in

all honesty, I don't know that I want to undo them. Do I have a full

load? yes, I do. It puts me on all fours sometimes, face down in the

dirt, but I find a way to get back on at least my knees again, of

course standing back up with an eye full of blinding tears. But, I

dont give up. Of course I have two reasons not to. They are the

reasons that I look for the brighter sides. I see through them the

important things, the love, the hugs & the kisses. (MY important

things) Its because of them that my heart is open to others and their

situations. And it is because of them that I see that others do have

it worse than I do. I think that because of them, my heart is evened

out. Because of them that I keep fighting all the overwhelming

unhappiness. Because of them. So, I guess because of them and all

that goes with it, it makes me a better person, in spite of the

unhappiness. Am I jealous of the people with just a little

unhappiness? You know it. Am I glad that I am not one of the first

group? All in all, yes. After all, what would I be without my

unhappiness?

>

>

>

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Vondie,

How incredibly perfectly stated!If you arent a writer you should

consider it!Right on the money, and very inspiring.Its funny cuz

after i posted i wished i could take it back, i fall exactly in the

medium load category and because of this i cringed after i saw my

post being sent.I dont want to bring anyone down, i thought to myself

how lucky i really am, my son and i have been fortunate as far as his

health is concerned(considering), and how could i sit and whine and

cry.Well i'll tell you why:i love my son to pieces; wished there was

something i could do to end the suffering he hasn't yet begun.I love

my son enough to pull myself back together and try to be the backbone

for him he'll continue to need me to be.Sometimes those cf blues are

hard to shake, and for when those moments arise when i doubt myself

and my world around me, i turn to people as understanding as you all

to listen, patiently, sometimes offering advice, and sometimes just

being a good support network, and i'm able to compose myself and be

brave again.(notice i politely left the part out about pulliing my

hair out,lol).

This is why i thank you all again for just being YOU, HERE.

Love and Light, with many a thanks!

Patty,mom to ty8wcf and 2wocf, recovering fr: CF Blues in a hurry!

(Glad Monday is gone!)

> Ok - don't laugh at me. And dont anyone take this as anything

other than my writings to myself, it is not intended to offend or

make anyone mad. Just things that go on in my mind. I dont know

that it will help anyone at all. Just the way I am thinking about

things (at the moment).

>

> Patty - you are not the only one out there that has these days :)

Keep your chin up.

>

> Vondie

> mom to 2 boys, both w/cf

>

>

>

>

> Everybody in the whole entire world is unhappy at one time or

another. Each person has their own degree of unhappiness.

>

> Some have just a little tinge of unhappiness. Just enough to make

them flinch. Not enough to change them in any way. Just enough to

make them think that sometimes things arent right, then back to

business as usual. Not enough to make them think that maybe there is

something different they should do in their lives. Not enough to make

them feel that they should treat anyone any different and not enough

to make them see that they are not the center of the world.

>

> Some people have a medium load of unhappiness. Enough to feel like

it would break your back to have to carry. Just enough unhappiness

that it pushes them to the brink, but not over the edge. Maybe

something went wrong in their lives, maybe they took some wrong

turns. Nothing that can't be undone though. They have just enough

unhappiness to make them see some of the important things. Just

enough to make them a little more considerate, enough to make them

look at others and what they are going through. Enough to know pain,

but also know that there is always someone worse off than you.

>

> And some people have a full load to bear. Lots of unhappiness.

Plenty enough to make you crawl on all fours in order to carry it.

Unhappiness that pushes you over the edge, screaming out of control.

Unhappiness, that makes you cry so loud that you can't hear anything

else. Unhappiness that blinds you, piercing their eyes with painful

tears that won't stop. Unhappiness and pain that makes them want to

give up and some do. Enough pain that the mind would find it very

hard to try to rationalize any of it. Unhappiness that they cant see

their way through.

>

> Now, where do we fall into these catagories? I myself fall

somewhere in between the latter two. I have enough pain in my life to

share with a dozen people and still have some left. Some days I feel

pushed over the edge, but I dig my claws in and find a way to climb

back up again. Amazing that I can do it sometimes. Yes, I may climb

back up screaming the whole way. I made wrong turns in my life, some

could be undone. Others led to things that cannot be undone. And in

all honesty, I don't know that I want to undo them. Do I have a full

load? yes, I do. It puts me on all fours sometimes, face down in the

dirt, but I find a way to get back on at least my knees again, of

course standing back up with an eye full of blinding tears. But, I

dont give up. Of course I have two reasons not to. They are the

reasons that I look for the brighter sides. I see through them the

important things, the love, the hugs & the kisses. (MY important

things) Its because of them that my heart is open to others and their

situations. And it is because of them that I see that others do have

it worse than I do. I think that because of them, my heart is evened

out. Because of them that I keep fighting all the overwhelming

unhappiness. Because of them. So, I guess because of them and all

that goes with it, it makes me a better person, in spite of the

unhappiness. Am I jealous of the people with just a little

unhappiness? You know it. Am I glad that I am not one of the first

group? All in all, yes. After all, what would I be without my

unhappiness?

>

>

>

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