Sorry For This Long Story But You Guys Are All I Have - Please Help!!

[Guest guest]

I had a very scary incident happen to me this morning...GROSS

ALERT!! For background..my pain had been worsening since I got the

25mcg patch from my PCP...he upped to a 50mcg patch and still no

relief. He wanted me to come in yesterday as I wasn't getting relief

from the 50mcg patch...so I since I still had one 25mcg patch left,

I took it upon myself to put on both the 25 and the 50 patch to see

if I would get relief from it now being 75mcgs. I did...and when I

went to see him I told him I was getting better but not complete

relief from the 75 mcgs. Anyway, he upped my patch to a 100mcg

one...now REMEMBER that I had just the day before put on the 25/50

combination so it was just building up it's " pool reservoir " of pain

relief. When I came home I immediately (w/o considering the " pool

reservoir " thing) put on the 100 mcg patch.

At any rate, this morning I woke up in a pool of sweat (and I do get

night sweats but nothing like this!!) but also (and this is where

the gross alert comes in!) was face down in my pillow with snot

coming thickly from my nose and my mouth..I was not breathing well.

I got up (thank God for my husband's alarm clock!) and my eyes were

almost swollen shut (still are!!) and I vaguely remembered having

some sort of nightmare. Anyway, VERY SCARY, I think maybe I

overdosed because there had still been that reservoir of the 25/50

combo and the addition of the 100mcg patch (not to mention the

Trazodone I take for sleep AND the 2 5/325 Percocets that I took at

about 9pm last night for break thru!! God, I think I might have

actually drowned in my own fluids!!! AWFUL!! The other night I had a

very SEVERE attack of what I now know (thanks to Laurie's posts re

the difference btwn SOD and panc attacks) to be an SOD attack. I was

leaning/hunching over a chair in the livingroom in the most

excruciating pain EVER!! My husband came and I put my head in lap

and just started sobbing!! Anyway, the whole episode only lasted for

about 45 mins to 1 hr thank God!!

Also, and sorry to be so me, me, me.....I have read other's posts

and my heart goes out to each and every one of you believe me...it's

just that things seem to be getting worse for me and I'm quite

frankly a bit scared and worried about my condition. Anyway, when I

went to my PCP the day I just spoke of..I started to cry because I

needed a note for work to stay on the leave sharing program (another

story - no-one has donated even a lousy hour of leave to me and I

know some people that have leave balances of thousands of hours

literally that they will lose when they retire..) but he put down

that I was under continuing med care (ok fine, BUT) then he put " she

is going to see an out of state doctor and will likely return to

work on 1 September. " HUH??? I asked him if he would please take

that line out and he basically refused on the basis (eternal

optimist that he is!!) that after seeing Dr. Lehman and having an

ERCP with as he said - probable treatment while they are " in there "

that I may VERY well be able to return to work on 1 September. I

told him that if I gave that to my work that all they would see is

the date of 1 September and they would think that I was actually

going to return then. He said, " well if youre that concerned about

it don't turn it in..hang on to it and when you get back after

seeing/being treated by Dr. Lehman, we can modify it then. " Thank

God that my work gave a deadline for submission of doctor's note(s)

until 11 September!! I can't believe that he is so darn ignorant of

this disease that he thinks I could actually be well enough to

return to work on the 1st of Sept.!! I don't think I'll ever be able

to return to that job...particularly not in the month of September

because my job as as financial analyst means that we will be closing

the FY04 books and MUST have it all done by 30 September...it's a 10

million dollar budget!!! I told him so and did notice his eyes widen

a bit when I told him about the stress of dealing w/a budget that

large with only one other person to help me!! I haven't even been

able to work at home because I KNOW I can't do this closeout work of

FY04!! I simply cannot do it!! Last year I was at work some nights

until 10 at night trying to get the job done...so I haven't even

attempted to try...knowing that they will probably not extend this

work at home thing now (why couldn't this have happened during as

more " mundane, day to day " part of the year?) Anyway, and this is

the kicker!! My own mother (who don't get me wrong I love dearly!)

was telling my sister behind my back on email that " absolutely

has to return to work, her job is crucial to her family and pain or

no pain, she simply must go back to work. " Talk about feeling like

I've been kicked in the gut (no pun intended.) Any thoughts

anyone??? If I can't get my PCP to agree that I can't return to

work, and I don't have a local GI doc treating me...how in the world

am I ever going to get SSDI? Which I (and after all, I'm the one

with pain here thank you very much - NOT!!) believe is where I'm

heading on this not so pleasant journey. I told my PCP the other

day, after I remarked about taking out the 1 Sept. thing that I

believed that SSDI is what I will be facing....he said " we'll cross

that bridge when we come to it but you have got to stop being so

negative and maybe Dr. Lehman will be able to treat you by cutting a

duct of something and you'll be fine -- did you ever think of that? "

Anyway...he's obviously not up on pancreatic disease and Dr. Lehman

is so I will tell him all about this when I go....but I'm feeling

very scared and alone right now...and very ill. Sorry for such a

long diatribe but I don't know where else to turn except for you

guys!!

thanks for " listening "

love and best wishes to you all!!