Depression

[Guest guest]

First, let me apologize for the length of this post. Just some

things

I wanted to share that may be of assistance to some.

When I began this MGB odyssey, I expected (or at least hoped for) a

life transformation. Little did I know what a wonderful

transformation I was in for, and I'm only 7 weeks post-op! (And

thirty-some pounds lighter as of last week, but believe it or not,

that's not the transformation I'm referring to!)

Like many on the list, I suffer from depression. I was first

diagnosed in 1996, during a particularly stressful period in my life.

I was a full-time mom to two small children and a full-time law

student with a part-time job. After nearly 30 years of marriage, in

early 1996 my parents began what would become incredibly bitter

divorce proceedings, and my (then) 13-year-old sister came to live

with us. In order to make things as comfortable for her as we could,

we immediately bought a larger house (and our condo didn't sell for

almost six months, causing unbelievable financial strain), just a few

months before I started a full-time summer position with a

high-profile (read: " high stress environment " ) law firm. Needless

to

say, I had my hands full.

The symptoms of depression are NOT what most people think. When I

think " depressed, " I think sad, crying jags, loss of hope, suicide,

etc. While some people do experience these symptoms, mine were

completely different. My symptoms (many of which were present before

the 1996 life explosion) were chronic fatigue, irritability, mood

swings, a complete lack of patience-I would absolutely explode over

the most trivial things! Thank God my husband is a saint.

After a few sessions with a counselor, I was placed on Paxil, an

anti-depressant. I wasn't crazy about being " medicated, " but I was

willing to try anything. After the Paxil kicked in, I felt like a

new

person; or, rather, like the old me. Whew-what a relief!

Fortunately, I don't think anyone around me (including my kids)

suffered any permanent damage from the bitch I had become, and I'm

sure they were all very relieved to welcome the old me back. Problem

solved…or so I thought…

The next several years were just as crazy as 1996; I graduated law

school (please overlook me tooting my own horn for a sec; I graduated

first in my class, even after my 96 trials), went to work for a

high-profile (read again: " high stress environment " ) and worked my

butt off (not literally, of course-I actually gained 30 pounds from

lack of a life, including any physical exercise) for two years, the

final six months of which were absolute hell. 16-hour days, weekends

at the office, hubby picking up ALL the slack at home, including

EVERYTHING to do with the kids. Once again, thank God my husband is

a

saint.

By the end of those last six months, I had become such a

slacker--went

in to work late, left early, ignored deadlines, ignored phone

calls--it was a nightmare. I though it was just because I had just

gotten tired of the job, and the absence from my family. Finally I

quit.

That was a little over a year ago. While the past year has been ten

times better than the two before it (I'm home when my kids get off

the

school bus, cook dinner every night, take care the household, help

with homework, and I now run a business from home), some of the same

patterns were holding. I completely withdrew from everything but my

family; I never answered the phone, rarely returned messages,

sometimes staying up almost all night and sleeping during the day.

Finally, during the past several months, I started slacking at work

again--worked sporadically, ignored deadlines, ignored phone calls,

etc. I chalked it up to preparing for and then adjusting to the MGB,

kids home from school, etc. But, I was starting to think maybe

things

weren't " right. "

So, when I went in for my 1-month post-op visit with my PCP, I

mentioned it to her, and we talked about it at length. Although

still

taking Paxil, I wasn't visiting a counselor or anything, which was

actually discouraged (supposedly unnecessary once on medication) by

my

insurance company. My PCP was appalled at the lack of monitoring I

was receiving for the depression, and she quickly deduced that the

host of withdrawal issues (which were completely different from what

I

was experiencing when I was first diagnosed with depression) WAS, in

fact, depression. She immediately raised my dosage of Paxil,

although

the dose is still considered " low " (40mg).

It takes a few weeks for antidepressants to begin working, and

beginning last week, exactly two weeks after the upped dosage began,

it was like I was awakening from a longgggg sleep. The whole world

changed right before my eyes-I am alive, the mother of two wonderful

loving children, the wife of a wonderful loving man, with an

excellent

cutting-edge business, and to top it all off-I'm permanently losing

weight for the first time in my life, completely free of the daily

battle with food that has dogged me my entire life.

Unbelievable how lucky I am. Funny thing is, I always was. It took

the MGB, though, to force me to seek medical treatment, which led to

discussing problems I should have sought help for a long time ago,

which has led to this entirely wonderful, breathtaking transformation

in my life.

Moral of this (apologetically, LONG!) story--depression is a

mysterious and misunderstood disease. It is often genetic, but can

strike anyone. It's symptoms are numerous, and can change anytime

for

each individual. If you often just don't feel " right, " or not like

your " old self, " research depression, and if it seems like that

diagnosis may " fit " your symptoms, seek medical attention. There's

nothing at all to be ashamed of, depression is no different than

heart

disease or any other type of disease commonly treated with

medication.

And even if you are already taking medication, be attentive and on

the look-out for all-new symptoms.

And last but not least, don't underestimate the impact that this

miraculous operation may have on your life-in ways you can never

expect! Many thanks for Dr. R to giving me my life back, after just

7

weeks!!!

--a in CT

MGB 7/20/00