I am not crazy....thanks everyone.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/15/00 4:16:57 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

dizzybme2@... writes:

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People only change if they want to change. Just remember that you cannot

change them. I waited for years for my husband to change. He was not

insecure and controlling at first. It all came in time.

Good luck to you. Remember, take care of yourself and your kids first.

Christy in California

[Guest guest]

It was TERRIFIC to able to write about all of the changes taking

place. First let me say that yes, I do love this man. But, I do

need to step back and take care of me first. Yes, I am a strong

woman, but I've never been able to place my needs above the kids, the

job, the man or any one else for that matter. This year, I have

concentrated on me, not entirely but for the most part I have sought

and gone after what will make me happy and what I have put on hold

for the last twenty years. Both of my kids are nearly grown. One is

married and a father, the other is a junior in high school. I have

two very good kids and I'm very proud of both. I divorced their

father six years ago. This is the 2nd time around for me and for

him. He has never seen me quite this determined or as he describes

ferocious(sp?). It wasn't a change in my personality because I

always had someone else that I needed to worry about more than

myself. NOW I have directed all of that energy at myself by seeking

and meeting my needs. That's what has become so threatening. When

an obstacle is in my path, I find away around it.

His self-esteem is threatened by my successes. He in his own right

is quite successful too. Here goes the can of worms.....He was born

and raised in a very strict Southern Baptist home. His ONLY act of

rebellion was to become a biker. Aside from the fact that he has

long hair, a beard, a tatoo and a Harley, he seldom strays far from

that upbringing, even at forty years old. He was devoted to his

family, that's what attracted me to him to begin with. He has values

and morals that I share. We share similar interests. We have mutual

friends. Its just here lately that the personal bounderies are being

violated.

All of this behavior is new to both of us. The clinging, the control,

and the warning bells. People change over time. I don't think he

could have hidden all of this from me for four years could he?

Getting the MGB has become an obsession for me. I recognize that.

But I think it has become a healthy obsession. All areas of my life

are coming together except the control I need to have over my body,

my food intake and my appearance. Everyone approaches this surgery

from a health standpoint. I too have my share of weight related

problems. But the bottom line is I want to look better, I want to

wear of the rack clothing including a bathing suit and I want to

elevate my self-esteem.

Thanks again to everyone for being a sounding board and all of the

advice posted and e-mailed to me. All advice is appreciated.

Weighing more than just my weight.

A-J