Well Meaning Husband

[Guest guest]

(Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a

well meaning husband who has inherited the house and kids.)

Monday A.M. Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control.

Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned.

Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-

sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six.

Tuesday A.M. Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the frig.

Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the

Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you about

this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to-

door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator.

Hope you like leftover chili.

Wednesday A.M. Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is

sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If

you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot

for Chris's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper,

garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the

school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold

pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late

tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house.

Thursday A.M. Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It

crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight.

Please pencil in answers to following:

1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal?

2. How do you turn off the milkman?

3. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots?

4. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm

of a small boy's hand?

5. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at

you when you open the door?

I don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me!

Friday A.M. Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am

trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take

heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house

cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother. have

a great day.