Guest guest Posted July 10, 2002 Report Share Posted July 10, 2002 In a message dated 7/10/02 10:28:03 PM Pacific Daylight Time, dfk100335@... writes: << 20 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry > 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on > the same night. > > 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has > not achieved its full potential, that word would be " meetings. " > > 3. There is a very fine line between " hobby " and " mental illness " > > 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never >want > you to share yours with them. > > 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories > decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His >messenger, > a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. > > 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. > > 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too > seriously. > > 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual > who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that > individual is crazy. > > 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody > cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and >learn > how to have fun. And notice that people who dance and cut loose once in a > while, usually live longer. > > 10. Never lick a steak knife. > > 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. > > 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. > > 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling > reason why we observe daylight savings time. > > > > 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests > that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging >from her > at that moment. > > 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make >a > big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. > > 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, > religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, > we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. > > 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy > people who are not in them. > > 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice > person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) > > 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to > excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to >find > out how they do it. > > 20. Your friends love you anyway. > > Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a > lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the > Titanic. >> I want to thank Dan for all his upbeat info.... Hey big guy, you still keep us smiling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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