Living with the guilt.

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone,

I just want to get this off my chest. Hope you all don't mind. As my sons first

birthday nears I find myself dwelling in this more and more. There are times I

feel like crying and telling him I'm sorry. You see...may months ago we treated

my son for plagio with a helmet and had great success. His head is very balanced

now. However he still has mild-moderate brachy. We were told this at the time

that his plagio was considered resolved. We chose to stop treatment at that

point for several reasons. One reason I still feel strongly about. However that

doesn't change the fact that I'm his mother and feel that I failed to do

anything and everything I could for him. I know why I did it but can't handle

that I did it...understand? I'm terrified that he will grow up and be teased or

worse ask me why I didn't help him when I could have.

Dawn

Mother of Jake 11mo.

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn,

I understand, since I also feel horribly guilty. That is why I'm so

depressed. If it was something that I couldn't have done anything

about, I would not mind so much. needed minor surgery at a year

for a condition he was born with and it hardly phased me. I wish he

didn't need surgery, but there was nothing anybody could have done

differently. Last night the guilt even entered my dreams and I was

responsible for an airplane crash. (I'm terrified of flying.)

I think it is okay to tell Jake your sorry. I tell that almost

every day. Of course, he has no idea what I'm talking about and once

he is old enough to figure it out I'll stop since I don't want him to

have a complex.

I don't think Jake will be teased or care much about it. I don't

recall any emails from moms of older babies who said this was an

issue. I've seen lots from moms who are worried about it though, so

this is a normal fear. My five year old has no idea he has mild

plagio. He sees nothing wrong with 's head or any of his friends'

heads with mild plagio/brachy. All the adult males I talk with believe

a mildly misshapen head is no big deal. I think it is the mom that is

bothered the most!

Hope you feel better.

Kathy, mom to 16 months

DawnA wrote:

Hello Everyone,

I just want to get this off my chest. Hope you all don't mind. As my

sons first birthday nears I find myself dwelling in this more and more.

There are times I feel like crying and telling him I'm sorry. You

see...may months ago we treated my son for plagio with a helmet and had

great success. His head is very balanced now. However he still has

mild-moderate brachy. We were told this at the time that his plagio was

considered resolved. We chose to stop treatment at that point for

several reasons. One reason I still feel strongly about. However that

doesn't change the fact that I'm his mother and feel that I failed to

do anything and everything I could for him. I know why I did it but

can't handle that I did it...understand? I'm terrified that he will

grow up and be teased or worse ask me why I didn't help him when I

could have.

Dawn

Mother of Jake 11mo.

[Guest guest]

Google finds...

One disappointed mother's rationalization:

> His head had only grown 1mm in width and 1mm front to back since

> the last measurements in October. With such little growth I am so

> pleased we decided to stop when we did.

http://finleyb.blogspot.com/

These folks seem to have redefined " normal, " considering the final

pictures:

> His head has, in the space of three months, become " normal " but in

> a truly special way.

http://www.londonorthotics.co.uk/plagiocephaly/mothers-tale.html

And science indicates that, if you select the right pool of subjects,

maybe she's right:

> Overall, the children with posterior plagiocephaly normalized their

> head shapes; however, the head shapes of the children with

> positional brachycephaly did not normalize despite statistically

> significant improvements in their Cephalic Index. It is concluded

> that molding helmet therapy is an effective treatment of position-

> induced head shape abnormalities. Helmet therapy is more effective

> in children with posterior positional plagiocephaly than in

> children with positional brachycephaly.

http://journals.lww.com/jcraniofacialsurgery/Abstract/2004/01000/

Molding_Helmet_Therapy_in_the_Treatment_of.31.aspx

Both your present guilt, and the potential reduction of guilt if you

were to buy another helmet, should be in proportion to the potential

reduction of the bracycephaly itself. Perhaps a professional

evaluation would help.

When we were starting to worry about Clara's head, I happened to

visit a cousin of mine whose baby had a decidedly Ernie-shaped head.

Rather than seeing a problem, I complimented him on how nice and

round it appeared. Looking at Jake's pictures in the Photos section,

his eyes do appear rather wide, but again, it seems to me that

asymmetry is more horrifying.

The good news for living with brachy, I would think, is that you can

lay on your side for the rest of your life, as is recommended for

good spinal health anyway, and it can only help.

…•}

( \ Thad

yy\ Launderville

[Guest guest]

Your child is 11 months old. So what is stopping you from

getting a band and attempting to correct at least some of your child’s

brachy NOW? I have never quite understood why parents make posts like

this? And I am not trying to be mean or personally judgmental. You

have your own situation of which the details I know nothing about. But kids

are amazingly resilient to banding treatment. They will never remember

any of this. Weigh the potentially good and weigh the potentially bad

with your decision, knowing you will not be able to go back in time for a do-over

if you choose NOT to band.

We had an adopted child and did not have the luxury of banding

at 4.5 months or 11 months or whatever. We started at 15 months, at the

point of adoption, and still had amazing results. We even got a second

band, and for the first 8 months that we had our son he was in a band for the

entire time! You just do what you have to do. Our son’s head is

still not a perfect bowling ball, but you will not see my wife or me feeling

like crying or telling him we are sorry, either.

I guess that the short of it is, you have a benefit that some parents

do not. You feelings indicate that you are regretting your decision to

not go on with further banding treatment, but the luck of it is that you

probably still have some time to do something about it that will allow you to

move forward without regret. Just my humble opinion. But what do I

know anyway? This is the first time I have read plagio posts for a few

months, but the messages always seem to take a familiar path.

Good luck with whatever decision you make. I will wish for

your happiness, and of course for your son Jake’s happiness in life as

well.

From: Plagiocephaly

[mailto:Plagiocephaly ] On Behalf Of DawnA

Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 6:28 AM

Plagiocephaly

Subject: Living with the guilt.

Hello Everyone,

I just want to get this off my chest. Hope you all don't mind. As my sons first

birthday nears I find myself dwelling in this more and more. There are times I

feel like crying and telling him I'm sorry. You see...may months ago we treated

my son for plagio with a helmet and had great success. His head is very balanced

now. However he still has mild-moderate brachy. We were told this at the time

that his plagio was considered resolved. We chose to stop treatment at that

point for several reasons. One reason I still feel strongly about. However that

doesn't change the fact that I'm his mother and feel that I failed to do

anything and everything I could for him. I know why I did it but can't handle

that I did it...understand? I'm terrified that he will grow up and be teased or

worse ask me why I didn't help him when I could have.

Dawn

Mother of Jake 11mo.