Here I am...

[Guest guest]

Hey Group,

Just wanted everyone to know that I am okay. I am struggling quite a

bite and emotionally I am a wreak. When I first came upon Dr.

Rutledges site I was so happpy that my fat days were over. I have

been this way for so long that I did not know what life was truely

like. I was so excited and knew that finally I was going to become

the Lara that God wanted me to be. Well, s law decided to come

into play. I started to slide and I was so ashamed of myself that I

could not bear to tell any of you. Right now I am struggling and

doing a lot of crying and asking God to help me. This has been the

hardest thing I have ever done. I am trying to get my meds uped to a

higher dose because the depression has kicked into overdrive and I

am just above functionable at this time. My day consists of crying

and trying to take care of my son. The MGB has consumed all my

thoughts, dreams, and hopes. I want it so bad that I have an ache in

my body. But for some reason I just cannot stop eating. As I am

sitting here barely able to see the keys from the tears I am so

ashamed that all of you have been inspired by me just to have me

fail. I never realized until a couple of weeks ago the true

addictive power of food. The way it feels in my mouth and the

emotions that go along with it. This weight on my body got here

through years of abuse and emotional roller coaster rides, and it is

not coming off any easier. My mother-in-law told me that as long as

I am trying that I am not failing. The emotional baggage is still

there and I have to overcome that along with the weight. I love her

dearly for loving me enough to say that to me. My dear friend

, as you all know, was worried and woke me up this morning. So

I am posting because I promised her I would. Ranee Riggs has also

been there for me and I thank the good Lord everyday for her. To all

of you who wrote to me. I recieved everyone of the e-mails but I was

too ashamed to admit that I need help. My dear husband has really

been a rock too. Everytime I cry or get upset he is there to hold me

and comfort me. He has really been through the ringer with me. I am

sooo blessed to have all the things I have. I am praying for that

light at the end of the tunnel so that my day to dance will come.

Lara

[Guest guest]

Lara----I was so touched by your letter, I sat here crying as I was reading

it. We all know the struggle, the shame and the humiliation of feeling we

have failed. I know I am once again at my top weight and extremely unhappy

about it. Our self esteem drops to a minus level and we beat ourselves up

like no one else can. Be kind to yourself. I wrote you a couple of weeks ago

and told you that you are by no means a failure! You are going through a very

difficult time and you will come through this. Take one day at a time, you

have many people praying for you. God bless.

Pat