To Chrissy

[Guest guest]

Dear Chrissy,

I wish I could take away your fear and anxiety. What you're feeling is just so

natural, and I don't think there's any one of us here that wouldn't be reacting

just as you are about your surgery. Have you discussed this with your doctor

and maybe asked if he would prescribe something for you to help calm you

down for these days prior to the surgery? Would that be possible?

I just wanted to tell you that I just got back from my extended mini-vacation.

I'd been thinking about you while I was gone, and when I saw this message I

just had to say that I think you're reacting as normally as any one would, and

to try not to worry about it. The relief you should get from this procedure is

something you desperately need at this time, as you can't go on with the pain,

and having to use meds that turn you into mush, just to get through each day.

I hope that these days pass very quickly for you. I've forgotten, but exactly

when is your surgery?

I also wanted to tell you that I just saw your earlier message to me about

being well enough to enjoy my reunion with my cousins, and your story about

the uncles and their beer, etc. You hit the nail square on the head with that

memory!! Your experiences back in those days mirrors my own so

completely! My uncles would slip out the side door from the dining hall onto

the roof of the boathouse each night with their six-packs, and place their

webbed folding chairs on the edge of the roof. They'd sit there on the edge

of the roof.......fishing, drinking the beer and talking in low voices so we

couldn't hear. We'd sneak downstairs into the boat slip, and eavesdrop on

whatever they were talking about, trying not to get too close to the huge

spiders that were climbing the boathouse walls....good memories!!

I hope you're able to get outside and take advantage of our beautiful weather,

and putter around in your yard with the plants. That might help to get your

mind off everything and would be such a soothing way to pass the time. I'll

be thinking about you.

With love, hope and prayers,

Heidi

Heidi H. Griffeth

South Carolina

SC & SE Regional Rep.

PAI

Note: All advice or comments are personal opinion only, and should not be

substituted for a professional medical consultation.

> I dont know what my problem is; I just cant stop crying, sobbing,

> every time I think of the procedure. I understand all the logic and

> know that theoretically the procedure is just what I need. I am

> just so freaking scared. I try not to think about it, focus my

> attention on my gardens, the birds and the beautiful spring

> weather.

>

> Yesterday my husband took me shopping; haven't been in well over a

> month; picked up all the stuff I will need as well as a bunch of

> stuff I dont. He hates shopping with me so I know it was a real

> sacrifice for him and I tried to focus on the tasks. Except in the

> dress shop; I bought 2 very nice dresses and he enjoyed my little

> fashion show. That was fun. Once we got home and I started sorting

> through, here comes the tears. I turned into this slobbering

> sobbing mess that cant even catch my breathe.

>

> I have had bookoo (sp ? Fliss) surgeries and have never felt like

> this before. I tell myself its because I know how much pain I will

> have; but I dont really believe that. I know it perfectly normal to

> be afraid, but geeze loweeze this sobbing all the time is getting

> old.

>

> I know that this is my best chance to be pain free; I am pretty much

> on pain meds around the clock and am awakened by pain during the

> night. All thse drugs are turning my brain to mush and I have no

> energy what so ever. I am now the opposite of every single strand

> of who I was and I miss the power house I once was. One would

> think I would be excited at the prospect of regaining my lost self.

> All the logic and the best science that I can find is not healing

> this deep ache in my heart.

>

> This deep seeded fear has no definable boundary, I cant feel where

> it starts or where it ends. I have tried every kind of self

> phychoanalysis that I know and still sob like a baby at the thought

> of even walking into the place. I work in the OR's so I know I will

> be surrounded by " family " and will receive excellent care. Even

> knowing that doesn't strengthen me. Maybe I should double up on

> the Ativan.

>

> Well it does feel better to express how I feel, venting. I try to

> hide my anxiety from my family, no reason to upset them anymore then

> necessary; but they see. Well one week and counting.

>