Jokes

[Guest guest]

A bride called to make a change to her

wedding registry. It is common, almost

expected, that a bride will change something

on her registry at least once (dishes, color

of towels, etc.). The Customer Service

Representative told her that J.C. Penney

would be happy to make the change. He asked

if the bride wanted to change the dishes or

the linens.

The bride said, " No, keep all that. I just

wanted to change the name of the groom. "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain

and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew

became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, 'Bring me my red

shirt!' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the

captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party.

Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were

repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate

vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the

captain, calm as ever bellowed, 'Bring me my red shirt!' And once again the

battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding

parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that

night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign

looked to the Captain and asked, 'Sir, why did you call

for your red shirt before the battle?' The Captain, giving

the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted,

'If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show

the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight

unafraid.' The men sat in silence marveling at the

courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed

that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their

way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his

usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my

brown pants!'