Fw: MORE OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE

[Guest guest]

These are great, enjoy! Love, Judy FW: MORE OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE Men are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen". Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. The other night I ate at a really nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder in the car these days no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to? You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time. According to a recent survey, men say that the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. And women say that the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world IS weird and people take Prozac to make it seem normal. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd have come to me sooner." You read about all these terrorists -- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things there, and drink whatever comes out"? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane? If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! What do you call male ballerinas? Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?? Why ARE Trix only for kids? Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong? Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have the same tune? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><