Fw: Really Funny - Fw: A Cure All For A Bad Day ...

[Guest guest]

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need totake it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it outon someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered aphone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. Aman answered saying, "Hello?"I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believethat anyone could be so rude.I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposedthe last two digits of her phone number).After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" andhung up.I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it inmy desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had areally bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"It always cheered me up.When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' callingwould have to stop.So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is from theTelephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with thecaller ID program?" he yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quicklycalled him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.Some boy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I hadpatiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting forthe spot.The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so Iwrote down his number.A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had hisnumber on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?""Yes it is.""Can you tell me where I can see it?""Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car'sparked right out front.""What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said."When's a good time to catch you, Don?""I'm home every evening after five.""Listen, Don, can I tell you something?""Yes?""Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speeddial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it usedto be.So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1."Hello""You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.)"Are you still there?" he asked."Yeah," I said."Stop calling me," he screamed "Make me," I said."Who are you?" he asked."My name is Don Hansen.""Yeah? Where do you live?""Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beemer parked in front.He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better startsaying your prayers."I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."Then I called asshole # 2:"Hello?" he said."Hello Asshole," I said.He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...""You'll what?" I said."I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over rightnow."Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34thStreet. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.Now, I feel better.