Re: Any Singles Having Dating Issues?

[Guest guest]

I understand your concern. I remember dating a guy who did not know that I

had just lost about 60 pounds. I was still seen as heavy but to him I was

perfectly plump. But what if he had seen me with that extra weight on me,

would he had asked me out? I was always concerned about what would happen if

I gained it back like I had done so many times before.

I hate to sound like the others but if that person cares about you then you

should be able to tell him about the surgery and why you had it done.

Because your past is part of you and has alot to do with the person you are

today and the person you are today is the person he cares about. So it

should be a positive thing.

I would love to hear your response to my advice.

Surgery Jan 16 2003

350lbs down to 175lbs and working on it!!

Any Singles Having Dating Issues?

> At what point in dating someone do you tell the person about your

> WLS? I had surgery 10 years ago, and believe it or not, I had more

> dates at 258 lbs than I do now at 149 lbs...a lot of it has to do

> with my shyness when it comes to telling men (who would most likely

> have never have given me a 2nd glance when I was heavy)about my

> obesity and WLS. Most people think WLS is the easy way out, esp. if

> they've never had a weight problem before. They see obese people as

> lazy people with no self-discipline. That's the harsh reality. Well

> I am currently dating someone for the past 6 months now who works

> out, is physically fit and health conscious, and would be shocked to

> know that I was once obese and had WLS. He would have never dated me

> if I was still my pre-surgery size. A second component to this is

> when it comes to spending a long time with someone, I am so concerned

> with the frequent gas and awful-smelling bowels that I find excuses

> to end the date early. I dread sleeping over my boyfriend's house

> for this reason...he thinks I'm just losing interest, but it's more

> that I'm really embarressed and afraid to tell him. I know what you

> all will say, " If he really cares about you it won't matter; if

> rejects you he wasn't worth it anyway " , but I have 6 months and

> emotions invested into this man. I told him a while back (when we

> became intimate) that the scar was from gall bladder surgery and that

> I have IBS, explaining the frequent need to go to the bathroom. I

> get anxiety when he talks about wanting to go on trips together for

> fear of having to share a bathroom together in a hotel room. The odor

> is HORRIFIC! It's really sad... I don't know how to proceed from here.

>

> I appreciate any input from other singles in this kind of situation,

> and how you address the surgery with a potential significant other.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I have been dating the same man for almost 4 years and I had

surgery in May. The first time that I ventured to his house after

the surgery I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush so forgot

the air freshener, well needless to say he walked in before I was

even done. I was embarassed beyond belief because I wasn't done yet

and he told me that it smelled like a baby in there. He didn't mean

a baby he meant a dirty diaper. He laughed and came back in with the

air freshener. Keep in mind that he knows I had the surgery. He was

emotionally wrecked when I told him I was thinking about it. When

you feel ready and comfortable tell him. I really don't think that

he will run the other way. He is in love with you. In love with you

now......not then. The life change was your decision to better

yourself and your life. Remember that you are the most important. I

still have many things to hash out. I talked to him today because I

have not been sleeping there except for on the weekends. I think

that deep down I have been feeling the same as you. I don't want to

scare him off by smells or any sounds in the middle of the night.

Talk about embarassing! Well, he thought that I was falling out of

love with him because I am physically changing. We had a long talk

and now we know that communication is key regardless of how stupid

you feel. Maybe I should take my own advice and tell him why I have

not been sleeping there everynight. Well, I hope that I helped

somewhat. I know that it is nice to just hear that others have the

same emotions and conflicts.

Bethany

281/261surery day/232/150

May 27, 2004

> At what point in dating someone do you tell the person about your

> WLS? I had surgery 10 years ago, and believe it or not, I had more

> dates at 258 lbs than I do now at 149 lbs...a lot of it has to do

> with my shyness when it comes to telling men (who would most likely

> have never have given me a 2nd glance when I was heavy)about my

> obesity and WLS. Most people think WLS is the easy way out, esp. if

> they've never had a weight problem before. They see obese people as

> lazy people with no self-discipline. That's the harsh reality. Well

> I am currently dating someone for the past 6 months now who works

> out, is physically fit and health conscious, and would be shocked

to

> know that I was once obese and had WLS. He would have never dated

me

> if I was still my pre-surgery size. A second component to this is

> when it comes to spending a long time with someone, I am so

concerned

> with the frequent gas and awful-smelling bowels that I find excuses

> to end the date early. I dread sleeping over my boyfriend's house

> for this reason...he thinks I'm just losing interest, but it's more

> that I'm really embarressed and afraid to tell him. I know what you

> all will say, " If he really cares about you it won't matter; if

> rejects you he wasn't worth it anyway " , but I have 6 months and

> emotions invested into this man. I told him a while back (when we

> became intimate) that the scar was from gall bladder surgery and

that

> I have IBS, explaining the frequent need to go to the bathroom. I

> get anxiety when he talks about wanting to go on trips together for

> fear of having to share a bathroom together in a hotel room. The

odor

> is HORRIFIC! It's really sad... I don't know how to proceed from

here.

>

> I appreciate any input from other singles in this kind of

situation,

> and how you address the surgery with a potential significant other.

[Guest guest]

this surgery is a bitch.. who cares what they

say..(easy way out.. yeah right...) i had a date

tonight and he insisted on seeing my insicions. i

freaked cause that is personal.. but i thought you

know what he needs to be educated and he was.. 3 weeks

out to 10 years.. still the same..

but on another note if you want to take your

relationship to another level honesty is the best..

you may loose him but, if he loves you or professes he

does then he should be understanding..I am now

starting to date someone at 400 pounds and he loves

fat chicks an he is dealing with the thought, do i

want a women that is going to shrink.. starlet

--- curlyqmishee wrote:

> At what point in dating someone do you tell the

> person about your

> WLS? I had surgery 10 years ago, and believe it or

> not, I had more

> dates at 258 lbs than I do now at 149 lbs...a lot of

> it has to do

> with my shyness when it comes to telling men (who

> would most likely

> have never have given me a 2nd glance when I was

> heavy)about my

> obesity and WLS. Most people think WLS is the easy

> way out, esp. if

> they've never had a weight problem before. They see

> obese people as

> lazy people with no self-discipline. That's the

> harsh reality. Well

> I am currently dating someone for the past 6 months

> now who works

> out, is physically fit and health conscious, and

> would be shocked to

> know that I was once obese and had WLS. He would

> have never dated me

> if I was still my pre-surgery size. A second

> component to this is

> when it comes to spending a long time with someone,

> I am so concerned

> with the frequent gas and awful-smelling bowels that

> I find excuses

> to end the date early. I dread sleeping over my

> boyfriend's house

> for this reason...he thinks I'm just losing

> interest, but it's more

> that I'm really embarressed and afraid to tell him.

> I know what you

> all will say, " If he really cares about you it won't

> matter; if

> rejects you he wasn't worth it anyway " , but I have 6

> months and

> emotions invested into this man. I told him a while

> back (when we

> became intimate) that the scar was from gall bladder

> surgery and that

> I have IBS, explaining the frequent need to go to

> the bathroom. I

> get anxiety when he talks about wanting to go on

> trips together for

> fear of having to share a bathroom together in a

> hotel room. The odor

> is HORRIFIC! It's really sad... I don't know how to

> proceed from here.

>

> I appreciate any input from other singles in this

> kind of situation,

> and how you address the surgery with a potential

> significant other.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

i myself recently started dating a great man, we've been dating for over a

month now. since most of our dates centered around a lunch or dinner i felt the

need to tell him early in the relationship. he has had no problems with me

having had this surgery in fact he is very supportive and tells me often how

proud of me he is in what i have done. my concern is really, in the months

ahead and i have this skin hanging how will he feel then...lol. but i feel if

he

really loves me he will love me skin and all...lol.

laurette

4/23/04 open rny

309/290/247/150

[Guest guest]

:0

> At what point in dating someone do you tell the person about your

> WLS? I had surgery 10 years ago, and believe it or not, I had more

> dates at 258 lbs than I do now at 149 lbs...a lot of it has to do

> with my shyness when it comes to telling men (who would most likely

> have never have given me a 2nd glance when I was heavy)about my

> obesity and WLS. Most people think WLS is the easy way out, esp. if

> they've never had a weight problem before. They see obese people as

> lazy people with no self-discipline. That's the harsh reality. Well

> I am currently dating someone for the past 6 months now who works

> out, is physically fit and health conscious, and would be shocked

to

> know that I was once obese and had WLS. He would have never dated

me

> if I was still my pre-surgery size. A second component to this is

> when it comes to spending a long time with someone, I am so

concerned

> with the frequent gas and awful-smelling bowels that I find excuses

> to end the date early. I dread sleeping over my boyfriend's house

> for this reason...he thinks I'm just losing interest, but it's more

> that I'm really embarressed and afraid to tell him. I know what you

> all will say, " If he really cares about you it won't matter; if

> rejects you he wasn't worth it anyway " , but I have 6 months and

> emotions invested into this man. I told him a while back (when we

> became intimate) that the scar was from gall bladder surgery and

that

> I have IBS, explaining the frequent need to go to the bathroom. I

> get anxiety when he talks about wanting to go on trips together for

> fear of having to share a bathroom together in a hotel room. The

odor

> is HORRIFIC! It's really sad... I don't know how to proceed from

here.

>

> I appreciate any input from other singles in this kind of

situation,

> and how you address the surgery with a potential significant other.

[Guest guest]

Well the best thing is just wait until they come to...and then tell

them there was a gas leak in the house and you saved them?

> > At what point in dating someone do you tell the person about your

> > WLS? I had surgery 10 years ago, and believe it or not, I had

more

> > dates at 258 lbs than I do now at 149 lbs...a lot of it has to do

> > with my shyness when it comes to telling men (who would most

likely

> > have never have given me a 2nd glance when I was heavy)about my

> > obesity and WLS. Most people think WLS is the easy way out, esp.

if

> > they've never had a weight problem before. They see obese people

as

> > lazy people with no self-discipline. That's the harsh reality.

Well

> > I am currently dating someone for the past 6 months now who works

> > out, is physically fit and health conscious, and would be

shocked

> to

> > know that I was once obese and had WLS. He would have never

dated

> me

> > if I was still my pre-surgery size. A second component to this is

> > when it comes to spending a long time with someone, I am so

> concerned

> > with the frequent gas and awful-smelling bowels that I find

excuses

> > to end the date early. I dread sleeping over my boyfriend's house

> > for this reason...he thinks I'm just losing interest, but it's

more

> > that I'm really embarressed and afraid to tell him. I know what

you

> > all will say, " If he really cares about you it won't matter; if

> > rejects you he wasn't worth it anyway " , but I have 6 months and

> > emotions invested into this man. I told him a while back (when we

> > became intimate) that the scar was from gall bladder surgery and

> that

> > I have IBS, explaining the frequent need to go to the bathroom. I

> > get anxiety when he talks about wanting to go on trips together

for

> > fear of having to share a bathroom together in a hotel room. The

> odor

> > is HORRIFIC! It's really sad... I don't know how to proceed from

> here.

> >

> > I appreciate any input from other singles in this kind of

> situation,

> > and how you address the surgery with a potential significant

other.

[Guest guest]

AMEN!

> > At what point in dating someone do you tell the

> > person about your

> > WLS? I had surgery 10 years ago, and believe it or

> > not, I had more

> > dates at 258 lbs than I do now at 149 lbs...a lot of

> > it has to do

> > with my shyness when it comes to telling men (who

> > would most likely

> > have never have given me a 2nd glance when I was

> > heavy)about my

> > obesity and WLS. Most people think WLS is the easy

> > way out, esp. if

> > they've never had a weight problem before. They see

> > obese people as

> > lazy people with no self-discipline. That's the

> > harsh reality. Well

> > I am currently dating someone for the past 6 months

> > now who works

> > out, is physically fit and health conscious, and

> > would be shocked to

> > know that I was once obese and had WLS. He would

> > have never dated me

> > if I was still my pre-surgery size. A second

> > component to this is

> > when it comes to spending a long time with someone,

> > I am so concerned

> > with the frequent gas and awful-smelling bowels that

> > I find excuses

> > to end the date early. I dread sleeping over my

> > boyfriend's house

> > for this reason...he thinks I'm just losing

> > interest, but it's more

> > that I'm really embarressed and afraid to tell him.

> > I know what you

> > all will say, " If he really cares about you it won't

> > matter; if

> > rejects you he wasn't worth it anyway " , but I have 6

> > months and

> > emotions invested into this man. I told him a while

> > back (when we

> > became intimate) that the scar was from gall bladder

> > surgery and that

> > I have IBS, explaining the frequent need to go to

> > the bathroom. I

> > get anxiety when he talks about wanting to go on

> > trips together for

> > fear of having to share a bathroom together in a

> > hotel room. The odor

> > is HORRIFIC! It's really sad... I don't know how to

> > proceed from here.

> >

> > I appreciate any input from other singles in this

> > kind of situation,

> > and how you address the surgery with a potential

> > significant other.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >