Any Singles Having Dating Issues?

July 14, 2004

At what point in dating someone do you tell the person about your

WLS? I had surgery 10 years ago, and believe it or not, I had more

dates at 258 lbs than I do now at 149 lbs...a lot of it has to do

with my shyness when it comes to telling men (who would most likely

have never have given me a 2nd glance when I was heavy)about my

obesity and WLS. Most people think WLS is the easy way out, esp. if

they've never had a weight problem before. They see obese people as

lazy people with no self-discipline. That's the harsh reality. Well

I am currently dating someone for the past 6 months now who works

out, is physically fit and health conscious, and would be shocked to

know that I was once obese and had WLS. He would have never dated me

if I was still my pre-surgery size. A second component to this is

when it comes to spending a long time with someone, I am so concerned

with the frequent gas and awful-smelling bowels that I find excuses

to end the date early. I dread sleeping over my boyfriend's house

for this reason...he thinks I'm just losing interest, but it's more

that I'm really embarressed and afraid to tell him. I know what you

all will say, " If he really cares about you it won't matter; if

rejects you he wasn't worth it anyway " , but I have 6 months and

emotions invested into this man. I told him a while back (when we

became intimate) that the scar was from gall bladder surgery and that

I have IBS, explaining the frequent need to go to the bathroom. I

get anxiety when he talks about wanting to go on trips together for

fear of having to share a bathroom together in a hotel room. The odor

is HORRIFIC! It's really sad... I don't know how to proceed from here.

I appreciate any input from other singles in this kind of situation,

and how you address the surgery with a potential significant other.

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