one more thing..

[Guest guest]

I went to the ortho yesterday (and brought her a

Starbucks-I'm-sorry-I-called-you-on-Sunday-like-a-lunatic-and-I'll-never-do-it-a\

gain

gift certificate). She laughed at me - as per normal - and said I

could call her anytime. I'm so lucky to have an understanding

ortho/friend )

She told me I fit into the splint fine and that everything looked

good. She did say the plastic surgeon told her to mention the

possibility of a lip revision in about 9 months. He told me last week

that I may look into a nose revision in about 9 months also (you could

see the ortho kind of agreed). I guess my nose is now a little to the

right and my nostrils are pretty uneven (the cleft side is kind of

collapsed). It was frustrating though because I'm just happy I can

breathe out of my left nostril for the first time in ten years! I've

kind of given up on looking normal - I just want to feel normal. But

then I got home - and started obsessing. Maybe a little more fullness

in my upper lip would be nice? And maybe if my nose was a little

straighter?

Oh god - does it ever end?!?!? I'm a plastic surgery junkie - and I'm

only 27! I mean - I know it's all cleft related and they're just

trying to make me look the most normal I can...Sometimes I wonder what

happens when I start to age like everyone else. I mean - my boobs are

already a little less perky...am I just going to get those tucked up

too? I'm also afraid that I could make my face perfect finally and

end up getting cancer or something terrible. I know it's crazy - and

I'm talking out of my tush - but what if I've used all my good

recovery on making my face perfect? I really wish I had been born

without this stupid cleft lip/palate.

And then I get scared that I will have a cleft baby. My mom is always

like - I had you and we were fine. But I wouldn't want to put some

other person, my child, through all this. And I want to give Joey the

most perfect child in the world.

OK - that's why I haven't posted. Because I'm dark and depressing and

have too much time on my hands to think about crazy stuff. I'm going

to take a shower. I'm sorry to be a downer.

-becky

[Guest guest]

Hey Becky,

Don't feel that you're a downer. Personally, I feel badly about all

the talk on these sites about the cosmetic aspects of the surgery,

because it's really the functional aspects that are so important to

me. And I feel especially for people like you who have been through

so much just to get here, many surgeries, I'm sure.

If it's any consolation, I used to work with a young lady who had a

cleft palate and who had orthognathic surgery in her mid-teens. She

is so full of confidence and pleasant manners that she quickly

compensates for any aversion that people might have to the vestiges

of her cleft surgeries.

I really believe that it's one's own personal attitude towards life

that makes life what it is, not what others say or do.

The other thing I want to say is some advice that my doctor gave me -

" don't worry until you have something to worry about " . Worried

about a cleft baby? I would just give that one up. Sure it could

happen, to anyone, but why put energy into that? And if it does

happen, well, I'm sure you will give that child the best possible

love and care since you know what it feels like yourself. So you'd

probably be the best person in the world to have a cleft baby.

Same thing about cancer. Worry when you have something to worry

about. Go on and live your life otherwise!

That's a ramble of sorts, but I hope it helps. Most of us have these

kinds of thoughts in the form of nightmares, and I guess it must be

hard to have them all the time. Why not talk to your regular doc

about it?

> I went to the ortho yesterday (and brought her a

> Starbucks-I'm-sorry-I-called-you-on-Sunday-like-a-lunatic-and-I'll-

never-do-it-again

> gift certificate). She laughed at me - as per normal - and said I

> could call her anytime. I'm so lucky to have an understanding

> ortho/friend )

>

> She told me I fit into the splint fine and that everything looked

> good. She did say the plastic surgeon told her to mention the

> possibility of a lip revision in about 9 months. He told me last

week

> that I may look into a nose revision in about 9 months also (you

could

> see the ortho kind of agreed). I guess my nose is now a little to

the

> right and my nostrils are pretty uneven (the cleft side is kind of

> collapsed). It was frustrating though because I'm just happy I can

> breathe out of my left nostril for the first time in ten years!

I've

> kind of given up on looking normal - I just want to feel normal.

But

> then I got home - and started obsessing. Maybe a little more

fullness

> in my upper lip would be nice? And maybe if my nose was a little

> straighter?

>

> Oh god - does it ever end?!?!? I'm a plastic surgery junkie - and

I'm

> only 27! I mean - I know it's all cleft related and they're just

> trying to make me look the most normal I can...Sometimes I wonder

what

> happens when I start to age like everyone else. I mean - my boobs

are

> already a little less perky...am I just going to get those tucked

up

> too? I'm also afraid that I could make my face perfect finally and

> end up getting cancer or something terrible. I know it's crazy -

and

> I'm talking out of my tush - but what if I've used all my good

> recovery on making my face perfect? I really wish I had been born

> without this stupid cleft lip/palate.

>

> And then I get scared that I will have a cleft baby. My mom is

always

> like - I had you and we were fine. But I wouldn't want to put some

> other person, my child, through all this. And I want to give Joey

the

> most perfect child in the world.

>

> OK - that's why I haven't posted. Because I'm dark and depressing

and

> have too much time on my hands to think about crazy stuff. I'm

going

> to take a shower. I'm sorry to be a downer.

>

> -becky

[Guest guest]

fiddlesticks220002 wrote:

>The other thing I want to say is some advice that my doctor gave me -

> " don't worry until you have something to worry about " . Worried

>about a cleft baby? I would just give that one up.

>

Adoption?

(I know what you meant, I'm just causing trouble...)

Bill

[Guest guest]

Hi Becky,

I hope you have a better day tomorrow. It can only get better from

here. After all you've been through, it's okay to feel down

sometimes. I know exactly what you mean about it feeling like it

never ends. This will be my sixth jaw surgery and I might need

another lefort in about six months depending on how my bite settles

with the new joints. Then I know my joints will need to be replaced

again after about 5-15 years. At this point, even 5 years without a

surgery sounds good to me. I don't think I'll ever look normal

either but we're our own worst critics. I just keep reminding myself

at least I don't have anything life-threatening. Even if I have to

be on a liquid diet for the rest of my life, I still have a life to

enjoy.

If you do have to have your nose and lip revised, maybe it won't be

as bad as the orthognathic surgery. I hope so anyway for your sake.

Have a good day tomorrow.

minirascal-

> I went to the ortho yesterday (and brought her a

> Starbucks-I'm-sorry-I-called-you-on-Sunday-like-a-lunatic-and-I'll-

never-do-it-again

> gift certificate). She laughed at me - as per normal - and said I

> could call her anytime. I'm so lucky to have an understanding

> ortho/friend )

>

> She told me I fit into the splint fine and that everything looked

> good. She did say the plastic surgeon told her to mention the

> possibility of a lip revision in about 9 months. He told me last

week

> that I may look into a nose revision in about 9 months also (you

could

> see the ortho kind of agreed). I guess my nose is now a little to

the

> right and my nostrils are pretty uneven (the cleft side is kind of

> collapsed). It was frustrating though because I'm just happy I can

> breathe out of my left nostril for the first time in ten years!

I've

> kind of given up on looking normal - I just want to feel normal.

But

> then I got home - and started obsessing. Maybe a little more

fullness

> in my upper lip would be nice? And maybe if my nose was a little

> straighter?

>

> Oh god - does it ever end?!?!? I'm a plastic surgery junkie - and

I'm

> only 27! I mean - I know it's all cleft related and they're just

> trying to make me look the most normal I can...Sometimes I wonder

what

> happens when I start to age like everyone else. I mean - my boobs

are

> already a little less perky...am I just going to get those tucked

up

> too? I'm also afraid that I could make my face perfect finally and

> end up getting cancer or something terrible. I know it's crazy -

and

> I'm talking out of my tush - but what if I've used all my good

> recovery on making my face perfect? I really wish I had been born

> without this stupid cleft lip/palate.

>

> And then I get scared that I will have a cleft baby. My mom is

always

> like - I had you and we were fine. But I wouldn't want to put some

> other person, my child, through all this. And I want to give Joey

the

> most perfect child in the world.

>

> OK - that's why I haven't posted. Because I'm dark and depressing

and

> have too much time on my hands to think about crazy stuff. I'm

going

> to take a shower. I'm sorry to be a downer.

>

> -becky

[Guest guest]

becky,

For what it's worth ... I think you are a really amazing person ...

and deserve only the best that this life has to offer.

That's it ... just how I feel ... nothing else.

Carol

> I went to the ortho yesterday (and brought her a

> Starbucks-I'm-sorry-I-called-you-on-Sunday-like-a-lunatic-and-I'll-

never-do-it-again

> gift certificate). She laughed at me - as per normal - and said I

> could call her anytime. I'm so lucky to have an understanding

> ortho/friend )

>

> She told me I fit into the splint fine and that everything looked

> good. She did say the plastic surgeon told her to mention the

> possibility of a lip revision in about 9 months. He told me last

week

> that I may look into a nose revision in about 9 months also (you

could

> see the ortho kind of agreed). I guess my nose is now a little to

the

> right and my nostrils are pretty uneven (the cleft side is kind of

> collapsed). It was frustrating though because I'm just happy I can

> breathe out of my left nostril for the first time in ten years!

I've

> kind of given up on looking normal - I just want to feel normal.

But

> then I got home - and started obsessing. Maybe a little more

fullness

> in my upper lip would be nice? And maybe if my nose was a little

> straighter?

>

> Oh god - does it ever end?!?!? I'm a plastic surgery junkie - and

I'm

> only 27! I mean - I know it's all cleft related and they're just

> trying to make me look the most normal I can...Sometimes I wonder

what

> happens when I start to age like everyone else. I mean - my boobs

are

> already a little less perky...am I just going to get those tucked up

> too? I'm also afraid that I could make my face perfect finally and

> end up getting cancer or something terrible. I know it's crazy -

and

> I'm talking out of my tush - but what if I've used all my good

> recovery on making my face perfect? I really wish I had been born

> without this stupid cleft lip/palate.

>

> And then I get scared that I will have a cleft baby. My mom is

always

> like - I had you and we were fine. But I wouldn't want to put some

> other person, my child, through all this. And I want to give Joey

the

> most perfect child in the world.

>

> OK - that's why I haven't posted. Because I'm dark and depressing

and

> have too much time on my hands to think about crazy stuff. I'm

going

> to take a shower. I'm sorry to be a downer.

>

> -becky