Guest guest Posted October 8, 2003 Report Share Posted October 8, 2003 My mom always had commanded me not to ever get over 120#. May as well have commanded me to have brown eyes. I dutifully starved my way up to 262. As I lost wt, she was overtly pleased--at least I wasn't dying. But when I started to get down to those smaller sizes, she was starting in on the, " You've lost enough. You're gaunt. There's such a thing as too thin. " This at 150, so 30# over by HER stds. She did not acknowledge my maintenance wt of about 110 until just before she died, actually. When my SLD, I told them I'd be needing revision, in planning stages. The next time she hugged me, she said, " Ooo, I feel a little too much . " Yes. And before I'd regained a single pound. Thanks, Vitalady, Inc. T www.vitalady.com If you are interested in PayPal, please click here: https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com Mean Moms > Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved > ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt our > feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on. > > Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant > relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now 2-1/2 > past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not > supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has never > been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors. > > Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento. > > Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me. > Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad, > nonetheless. > > I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall > elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a recent > thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how I'd > heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and > exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials about > WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I said > to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the subject, > I would have just said I had no comment. > > My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to > understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose weight on > their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to say to > someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????) > > I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for being > " speechless. " ) > > I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and angry - > SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore .... > goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got me " or > something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. " > > I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her > nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a better > mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me. > > I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel, and > understand. > > Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze! > > Bobbie > Anchorage, AK > Then: 314 > Now: 185 > Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01 > Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03 > Brachioplasty: 1/20/04 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 8, 2003 Report Share Posted October 8, 2003 I know we have probably all encountered that attitude; it's just still so prevalent, even among people who should know better, people who should know us better than that, and people who should be, if not loving and supportive, at least not constantly out to spill our blood. I have an aunt who's lost about 50 pounds over the last year due to taking glucophage, working multiple shifts each week (she's an RN), and significantly increasing her exercise. My dad feels like it's somehow morally corrupt and dishonest of her to say that she's lost the weight by working her butt off -- he feels she somehow shouldn't get credit for the weight loss because the medication MAY have helped. And my dad is basically a very good hearted and loving man - but I know that attitude about weight loss and obesity will be there until he dies. So, even though he's proud that I've lost weight and am healthier, I did not and will not tell him that I had WLS - because somehow the fact that I was able to take advantage of the ONE thing that I've found that works, the fact that I didn't " just push away from the table " , somehow lessens the value of the achievement in his eyes. Several work buddies have had WLS over the last three years (some of the guys are teasingly calling it an epidemic) and every single one of those women report hearing similar " easy way/weakness " comments from their loving friends and family. I just keep telling them to remember that this surgery was the easy way in the same way that taking insulin is " the easy way " for a diabetic or that dialysis or transplant is " the easy way: for someone with kidney failure or - you get the general idea. It's not fair and maybe if we are lucky we will live long enough for some researcher to finally prove conclusively that obesity is a result of a specific malfunction in our bodies rather than from some " weakness " in our willpower/morals/values/ethics/gumption. But I'm not holding my breath. In the interim, I strive to just to let those less-than-supportive folks just marinate in their own meanness; I get up every morning and slip into my size 8's, rejoice that they fit, and head on off to work. Amy RNY 12/7/2000 size 22/24/26 to size 6/8/10 At 09:55 PM 10/8/03, WRC@... wrote: >Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved >ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt our >feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on. > >Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant >relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now >2-1/2 >past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not >supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has >never >been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors. > >Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento. > >Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me. >Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad, >nonetheless. > >I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall >elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a >recent >thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how >I'd >heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and >exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials >about >WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I >said >to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the subject, >I would have just said I had no comment. > >My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to >understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose >weight on >their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to >say to >someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????) > >I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for being > " speechless. " ) > >I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and angry - >SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore ... >goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got >me " or >something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. " > >I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her >nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a >better >mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me. > >I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel, and >understand. > >Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze! > >Bobbie >Anchorage, AK >Then: 314 >Now: 185 >Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01 >Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03 >Brachioplasty: 1/20/04 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 8, 2003 Report Share Posted October 8, 2003 I'm so lucky. My mom supported me...then jumped on the same WLS bandwagon a year later. We've never " compared notes, " but we can relate our " issues " together. Jac http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/ http://members.cox.net/XXXFARMPAINTS mail to: jholdaway@... Order a BRAT 2004 calendar today at: http://www.basenjirescue.org/calendarcontest/ Re: Mean Moms My mom always had commanded me not to ever get over 120#. May as well have commanded me to have brown eyes. I dutifully starved my way up to 262. As I lost wt, she was overtly pleased--at least I wasn't dying. But when I started to get down to those smaller sizes, she was starting in on the, " You've lost enough. You're gaunt. There's such a thing as too thin. " This at 150, so 30# over by HER stds. She did not acknowledge my maintenance wt of about 110 until just before she died, actually. When my SLD, I told them I'd be needing revision, in planning stages. The next time she hugged me, she said, " Ooo, I feel a little too much . " Yes. And before I'd regained a single pound. Thanks, Vitalady, Inc. T www.vitalady.com If you are interested in PayPal, please click here: https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com Mean Moms > Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved > ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt our > feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on. > > Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant > relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now 2-1/2 > past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not > supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has never > been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors. > > Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento. > > Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me. > Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad, > nonetheless. > > I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall > elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a recent > thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how I'd > heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and > exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials about > WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I said > to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the subject, > I would have just said I had no comment. > > My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to > understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose weight on > their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to say to > someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????) > > I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for being > " speechless. " ) > > I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and angry - > SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore .... > goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got me " or > something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. " > > I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her > nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a better > mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me. > > I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel, and > understand. > > Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze! > > Bobbie > Anchorage, AK > Then: 314 > Now: 185 > Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01 > Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03 > Brachioplasty: 1/20/04 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 9, 2003 Report Share Posted October 9, 2003 Bobby, permit me to observe (and I say this respectfully, because it's one thing for an individual to comment on/criticize own their mother, and quite another for someone ELSE to do so) that your mother has a problem that, unfortunately for her, does not lend itself to surgical assistance or remedy. Let me observe yet again that her idiotic comment to you just reveals her OWN weakness, not only insofar as she has not dealt with whatever mental health issues compelled her to knowingly make a deliberately hurtful comment to you, but moreover that she has never had the strength to rise above herself and TRY to be a good mother. Her " cheery " goodbye to you was particularly vomitous to me. I want to applaud YOU for having the strength to NOT let the poor maternal example you had all your life plague your relationship with your own daughter, and commend you on recognizing this and refusing to visit the same misery on her that you had/have visited on you. If you sense that perhaps my anger might suggest that I myself might be suffering some " disappointments " with my own mother, you are correct. Sometimes people are just toxic for us, no matter that we share blood with them. When " friends " make stupid comments about WLS (and I have had this happen too), it is alot easier to tell them to " F++K OFF " than it is to say this to one's own relatives, but essentially we need to make this our universal reply no matter who is making the dopey comments. I am not being literal here, and I think you understand that. I find that laughing derisively and loudly generally gets my point across, and takes alot of the piss out of someone who's objective was to hurt. Here's something that happened to me just last week: My SIL called me on an unrelated family issue, and while we were speaking she asked in passing how I was doing from my BL (which I had done 9/08), in a tone of voice suggesting she was enquiring about my bothersome ingrown toenail. So I was going on about the particulars a little bit, and then mentioned my planned BR/BL and brachioplasty hopefully in March of '04, at which point she shrieked " Oh I can't believe you are doing this, I could understand it if you were in your 20s!!!! " (I am slamming into 52 incidentally, not that it matters.) A little background is in order: said SIL is MO, has been MO all her life, and would love to have WLS but is terrified of it. AND she is a couple of years older than me to boot. SO, after telling her to " Kiss my lifted ass " and laughing like hell, she shut up toot sweet. MEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW! MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW! Wonder if she was drooling? ROFL! Be grateful for geographical divides. I'm in NY and my mom is in FLA --- hallelujiah (SP?) Lucille > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 9, 2003 Report Share Posted October 9, 2003 I am also one of the lucky ones, my dear mom supported me no matter what-she thought I was very brave to have the surgery and a bit scared and was very proud when I lost the weight and always told me how beautiful I was-she called me her beautiful baby girl although I was well into my forties at the time. It makes me so sad to read the posts about the unsupportative familes and friends! Turn to those that support you and ignore the rest! In my opinion they are jusr ignorant! Hugs EJ > I'm so lucky. My mom supported me...then jumped on the same WLS bandwagon a > year later. We've never " compared notes, " but we can relate our " issues " > together. > > Jac > http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/ > http://members.cox.net/XXXFARMPAINTS > mail to: jholdaway@c... > > Order a BRAT 2004 calendar today at: > http://www.basenjirescue.org/calendarcontest/ > > Re: Mean Moms > > My mom always had commanded me not to ever get over 120#. May as well have > commanded me to have brown eyes. I dutifully starved my way up to 262. > > As I lost wt, she was overtly pleased--at least I wasn't dying. But when I > started to get down to those smaller sizes, she was starting in on the, > " You've lost enough. You're gaunt. There's such a thing as too thin. " This > at 150, so 30# over by HER stds. She did not acknowledge my maintenance wt > of about 110 until just before she died, actually. > > When my SLD, I told them I'd be needing revision, in planning stages. The > next time she hugged me, she said, " Ooo, I feel a little too much . " > Yes. And before I'd regained a single pound. > > > Thanks, > > > Vitalady, Inc. T > www.vitalady.com > > If you are interested in PayPal, please click here: > https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com > > Mean Moms > > > > Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved > > ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt > our > > feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on. > > > > Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant > > relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now > 2-1/2 > > past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not > > supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has > never > > been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors. > > > > Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento. > > > > Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me. > > Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad, > > nonetheless. > > > > I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall > > elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a > recent > > thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how > I'd > > heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and > > exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials > about > > WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I > said > > to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the > subject, > > I would have just said I had no comment. > > > > My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to > > understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose > weight on > > their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to > say to > > someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????) > > > > I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for > being > > " speechless. " ) > > > > I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and > angry - > > SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore > ... > > goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got > me " or > > something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. " > > > > I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her > > nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a > better > > mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me. > > > > I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel, > and > > understand. > > > > Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze! > > > > Bobbie > > Anchorage, AK > > Then: 314 > > Now: 185 > > Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01 > > Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03 > > Brachioplasty: 1/20/04 > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 9, 2003 Report Share Posted October 9, 2003 You know, Bobbie, I really get how you feel. I never told my mother I had surgery. But when I saw her for the first time since wls after my brother died - too this day she has not made one comment about my weight loss. When I came back from the funeral, everyone asked me what did my family say about how I looked. I very calmly & sadly said - nothing. I realize it was for the best because my Mom would have said something similar as what your mom said. She has always & will continue to be abusive. I worked very hard to not do to my children what she did to us. I will say, my son & daughter are 27 yrs old & they have let me know on many ocasions that I did not repeat the pattern. You did the best thing for yourself by hanging up. Yes, it stung. I think we will always yearn for the loving, supportive mother. However, we also have to realize it's her stuff. For some reason inside of her - she cannot give her children the love & support they need. It has nothing to do with the child. As my shrink once told me, " stop trying to get the love, acceptance, & support from someone who cannot & may not ever give it to you & enjoy the love from those in your life who do care. " You need to know ( & I know you do) that you are NOT weak. As a matter of fact, one is pretty courageous to do what one knows is best for them when the world does not generally support their decision. SO THERE! You are loved, Lorraine > Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved > ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt our > feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on. > > Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant > relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now 2-1/2 > past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not > supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has never > been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors. > > Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento. > > Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me. > Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad, > nonetheless. > > I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall > elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a recent > thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how I'd > heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and > exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials about > WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I said > to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the subject, > I would have just said I had no comment. > > My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to > understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose weight on > their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to say to > someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????) > > I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for being > " speechless. " ) > > I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and angry - > SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore ... > goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got me " or > something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. " > > I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her > nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a better > mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me. > > I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel, and > understand. > > Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze! > > Bobbie > Anchorage, AK > Then: 314 > Now: 185 > Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01 > Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03 > Brachioplasty: 1/20/04 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 9, 2003 Report Share Posted October 9, 2003 I knew that my parents weren't thrilled about my WLS when I had it done, but even they disagreed with the decision I'd made, they were both very supportive of me. Things change though, 15 months after my surgery my Mom had hers done. I'm hoping that my Dad turns around too and has it done, but just as he had to accept my decision that this was the best thing for ME, I guess I have to accept that it's not for everyone and he doesn't want it for him. ---------------------------------------- Terry Mayers 5DollarHosting.com http://www.5dollarhosting.com .... because it shouldn't cost a fortune to make a fortune! Re: Mean Moms My mom always had commanded me not to ever get over 120#. May as well have commanded me to have brown eyes. I dutifully starved my way up to 262. As I lost wt, she was overtly pleased--at least I wasn't dying. But when I started to get down to those smaller sizes, she was starting in on the, " You've lost enough. You're gaunt. There's such a thing as too thin. " This at 150, so 30# over by HER stds. She did not acknowledge my maintenance wt of about 110 until just before she died, actually. When my SLD, I told them I'd be needing revision, in planning stages. The next time she hugged me, she said, " Ooo, I feel a little too much . " Yes. And before I'd regained a single pound. Thanks, Vitalady, Inc. T www.vitalady.com If you are interested in PayPal, please click here: https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com Mean Moms > Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved > ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt our > feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on. > > Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant > relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now 2-1/2 > past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not > supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has never > been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors. > > Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento. > > Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me. > Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad, > nonetheless. > > I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall > elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a recent > thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how I'd > heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and > exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials about > WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I said > to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the subject, > I would have just said I had no comment. > > My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to > understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose weight on > their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to say to > someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????) > > I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for being > " speechless. " ) > > I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and angry - > SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore .... > goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got me " or > something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. " > > I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her > nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a better > mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me. > > I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel, and > understand. > > Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze! > > Bobbie > Anchorage, AK > Then: 314 > Now: 185 > Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01 > Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03 > Brachioplasty: 1/20/04 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 9, 2003 Report Share Posted October 9, 2003 Lucille-I loved your response! As far as your plastics-you go girl! I will be 52 next month and if I had the money and time for recovery, I would have my whole damn body lifted-from forehead to toes! I had a round of plastics 8 years ago, but stuff is starting to droop again and just because you are in your 50's don't mean dodo! Hell I might be almost 52 but feel more like 30 and would love to look on the outside the way I feel on the inside. WLS is no piece of cake and after all we go through to get healthy, plastics are our reward for all we have suffered! Hugs EJ > Bobby, permit me to observe (and I say this respectfully, because it's one > thing for an individual to comment on/criticize own their mother, and quite > another for someone ELSE to do so) that your mother has a problem that, > unfortunately for her, does not lend itself to surgical assistance or remedy. Let me > observe yet again that her idiotic comment to you just reveals her OWN > weakness, not only insofar as she has not dealt with whatever mental health issues > compelled her to knowingly make a deliberately hurtful comment to you, but > moreover that she has never had the strength to rise above herself and TRY to be a > good mother. Her " cheery " goodbye to you was particularly vomitous to me. > I want to applaud YOU for having the strength to NOT let the poor maternal > example you had all your life plague your relationship with your own daughter, > and commend you on recognizing this and refusing to visit the same misery on > her that you had/have visited on you. If you sense that perhaps my anger > might suggest that I myself might be suffering some " disappointments " with my own > mother, you are correct. Sometimes people are just toxic for us, no matter > that we share blood with them. > > When " friends " make stupid comments about WLS (and I have had this happen > too), it is alot easier to tell them to " F++K OFF " than it is to say this to > one's own relatives, but essentially we need to make this our universal reply no > matter who is making the dopey comments. I am not being literal here, and I > think you understand that. I find that laughing derisively and loudly > generally gets my point across, and takes alot of the piss out of someone who's > objective was to hurt. Here's something that happened to me just last week: > > My SIL called me on an unrelated family issue, and while we were speaking she > asked in passing how I was doing from my BL (which I had done 9/08), in a > tone of voice suggesting she was enquiring about my bothersome ingrown toenail. > So I was going on about the particulars a little bit, and then mentioned my > planned BR/BL and brachioplasty hopefully in March of '04, at which point she > shrieked " Oh I can't believe you are doing this, I could understand it if you > were in your 20s!!!! " (I am slamming into 52 incidentally, not that it > matters.) A little background is in order: said SIL is MO, has been MO all her > life, and would love to have WLS but is terrified of it. AND she is a couple of > years older than me to boot. SO, after telling her to " Kiss my lifted ass " > and laughing like hell, she shut up toot sweet. MEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW! > MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW! Wonder if she was drooling? ROFL! > > Be grateful for geographical divides. I'm in NY and my mom is in FLA --- > hallelujiah (SP?) > > Lucille > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2003 Report Share Posted October 11, 2003 those memories are painful for those of us who have experienced them first hand. my mom thinks you have to weigh 120 pounds to be considered normal. i spent most of my life taking in her comments about the fact that i was a pudgy kid and had to struggle to keep my weight between 130 and 140 thru high school and college. then when i got pregnant it went to hell in a handbasket. i gained 100 pounds in 9 months. i ate for 15 or 20 not 2 and then i had a 7 pound baby and gained that back. tried everything to lose it before i finally had a BPD in 1990. i lost 110 pounds in 9 months and have kept it off since. you'd think my mom would be thrilled...but no. apparently the fact that i was ONCE fat is enough to damn me for all time. and of course the WLS will cause me to have an early death. there's just no pleasing some people it took me years to stop hearing my mom in my head. i'm no cindy crawford, but i also don't scare folks in the street so it's all good. i've also tried really hard NOT to be like her. she doesn't have fat friends because she considers them weak and less intelligent. after all, if they had any brains they wouldn't have let themselves get that way. my daughter is 20 and her weight comes and goes. she'll waver around 30 pounds more or less. the only thing we have told her is that considering her gene pool (hubby has peripheral vein disease and horrible cholesterol and my weight issues) she should try to live as healthy as possible. she did not win the DNA lottery if you know what i mean she thinks she's beautiful and so do i !!! peace, phyl Never quit. There is nothing less important than the score at half-time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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