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My mom always had commanded me not to ever get over 120#. May as well have

commanded me to have brown eyes. I dutifully starved my way up to 262.

As I lost wt, she was overtly pleased--at least I wasn't dying. But when I

started to get down to those smaller sizes, she was starting in on the,

" You've lost enough. You're gaunt. There's such a thing as too thin. " This

at 150, so 30# over by HER stds. She did not acknowledge my maintenance wt

of about 110 until just before she died, actually.

When my SLD, I told them I'd be needing revision, in planning stages. The

next time she hugged me, she said, " Ooo, I feel a little too much . "

Yes. And before I'd regained a single pound.

Thanks,

Vitalady, Inc. T

www.vitalady.com

If you are interested in PayPal, please click here:

https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com

Mean Moms

> Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved

> ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt

our

> feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on.

>

> Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant

> relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now

2-1/2

> past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not

> supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has

never

> been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors.

>

> Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento.

>

> Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me.

> Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad,

> nonetheless.

>

> I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall

> elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a

recent

> thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how

I'd

> heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and

> exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials

about

> WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I

said

> to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the

subject,

> I would have just said I had no comment.

>

> My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to

> understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose

weight on

> their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to

say to

> someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????)

>

> I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for

being

> " speechless. " )

>

> I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and

angry -

> SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore

....

> goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got

me " or

> something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. "

>

> I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her

> nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a

better

> mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me.

>

> I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel,

and

> understand.

>

> Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze!

>

> Bobbie

> Anchorage, AK

> Then: 314

> Now: 185

> Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01

> Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03

> Brachioplasty: 1/20/04

>

>

>

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I know we have probably all encountered that attitude; it's just still so

prevalent, even among people who should know better, people who should know

us better than that, and people who should be, if not loving and

supportive, at least not constantly out to spill our blood.

I have an aunt who's lost about 50 pounds over the last year due to taking

glucophage, working multiple shifts each week (she's an RN), and

significantly increasing her exercise. My dad feels like it's somehow

morally corrupt and dishonest of her to say that she's lost the weight by

working her butt off -- he feels she somehow shouldn't get credit for the

weight loss because the medication MAY have helped. And my dad is basically

a very good hearted and loving man - but I know that attitude about weight

loss and obesity will be there until he dies. So, even though he's proud

that I've lost weight and am healthier, I did not and will not tell him

that I had WLS - because somehow the fact that I was able to take advantage

of the ONE thing that I've found that works, the fact that I didn't " just

push away from the table " , somehow lessens the value of the achievement in

his eyes.

Several work buddies have had WLS over the last three years (some of the

guys are teasingly calling it an epidemic) and every single one of those

women report hearing similar " easy way/weakness " comments from their loving

friends and family. I just keep telling them to remember that this surgery

was the easy way in the same way that taking insulin is " the easy way " for

a diabetic or that dialysis or transplant is " the easy way: for someone

with kidney failure or - you get the general idea.

It's not fair and maybe if we are lucky we will live long enough for some

researcher to finally prove conclusively that obesity is a result of a

specific malfunction in our bodies rather than from some " weakness " in our

willpower/morals/values/ethics/gumption. But I'm not holding my breath. In

the interim, I strive to just to let those less-than-supportive folks just

marinate in their own meanness; I get up every morning and slip into my

size 8's, rejoice that they fit, and head on off to work.

Amy

RNY 12/7/2000

size 22/24/26 to size 6/8/10

At 09:55 PM 10/8/03, WRC@... wrote:

>Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved

>ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt our

>feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on.

>

>Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant

>relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now

>2-1/2

>past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not

>supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has

>never

>been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors.

>

>Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento.

>

>Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me.

>Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad,

>nonetheless.

>

>I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall

>elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a

>recent

>thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how

>I'd

>heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and

>exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials

>about

>WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I

>said

>to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the subject,

>I would have just said I had no comment.

>

>My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to

>understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose

>weight on

>their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to

>say to

>someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????)

>

>I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for being

> " speechless. " )

>

>I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and angry -

>SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore ...

>goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got

>me " or

>something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. "

>

>I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her

>nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a

>better

>mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me.

>

>I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel, and

>understand.

>

>Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze!

>

>Bobbie

>Anchorage, AK

>Then: 314

>Now: 185

>Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01

>Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03

>Brachioplasty: 1/20/04

>

>

>

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I'm so lucky. My mom supported me...then jumped on the same WLS bandwagon a

year later. We've never " compared notes, " but we can relate our " issues "

together.

Jac

http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/

http://members.cox.net/XXXFARMPAINTS

mail to: jholdaway@...

Order a BRAT 2004 calendar today at:

http://www.basenjirescue.org/calendarcontest/

Re: Mean Moms

My mom always had commanded me not to ever get over 120#. May as well have

commanded me to have brown eyes. I dutifully starved my way up to 262.

As I lost wt, she was overtly pleased--at least I wasn't dying. But when I

started to get down to those smaller sizes, she was starting in on the,

" You've lost enough. You're gaunt. There's such a thing as too thin. " This

at 150, so 30# over by HER stds. She did not acknowledge my maintenance wt

of about 110 until just before she died, actually.

When my SLD, I told them I'd be needing revision, in planning stages. The

next time she hugged me, she said, " Ooo, I feel a little too much . "

Yes. And before I'd regained a single pound.

Thanks,

Vitalady, Inc. T

www.vitalady.com

If you are interested in PayPal, please click here:

https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com

Mean Moms

> Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved

> ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt

our

> feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on.

>

> Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant

> relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now

2-1/2

> past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not

> supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has

never

> been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors.

>

> Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento.

>

> Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me.

> Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad,

> nonetheless.

>

> I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall

> elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a

recent

> thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how

I'd

> heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and

> exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials

about

> WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I

said

> to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the

subject,

> I would have just said I had no comment.

>

> My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to

> understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose

weight on

> their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to

say to

> someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????)

>

> I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for

being

> " speechless. " )

>

> I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and

angry -

> SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore

....

> goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got

me " or

> something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. "

>

> I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her

> nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a

better

> mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me.

>

> I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel,

and

> understand.

>

> Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze!

>

> Bobbie

> Anchorage, AK

> Then: 314

> Now: 185

> Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01

> Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03

> Brachioplasty: 1/20/04

>

>

>

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Bobby, permit me to observe (and I say this respectfully, because it's one

thing for an individual to comment on/criticize own their mother, and quite

another for someone ELSE to do so) that your mother has a problem that,

unfortunately for her, does not lend itself to surgical assistance or remedy.

Let me

observe yet again that her idiotic comment to you just reveals her OWN

weakness, not only insofar as she has not dealt with whatever mental health

issues

compelled her to knowingly make a deliberately hurtful comment to you, but

moreover that she has never had the strength to rise above herself and TRY to be

a

good mother. Her " cheery " goodbye to you was particularly vomitous to me.

I want to applaud YOU for having the strength to NOT let the poor maternal

example you had all your life plague your relationship with your own daughter,

and commend you on recognizing this and refusing to visit the same misery on

her that you had/have visited on you. If you sense that perhaps my anger

might suggest that I myself might be suffering some " disappointments " with my

own

mother, you are correct. Sometimes people are just toxic for us, no matter

that we share blood with them.

When " friends " make stupid comments about WLS (and I have had this happen

too), it is alot easier to tell them to " F++K OFF " than it is to say this to

one's own relatives, but essentially we need to make this our universal reply no

matter who is making the dopey comments. I am not being literal here, and I

think you understand that. I find that laughing derisively and loudly

generally gets my point across, and takes alot of the piss out of someone who's

objective was to hurt. Here's something that happened to me just last week:

My SIL called me on an unrelated family issue, and while we were speaking she

asked in passing how I was doing from my BL (which I had done 9/08), in a

tone of voice suggesting she was enquiring about my bothersome ingrown toenail.

So I was going on about the particulars a little bit, and then mentioned my

planned BR/BL and brachioplasty hopefully in March of '04, at which point she

shrieked " Oh I can't believe you are doing this, I could understand it if you

were in your 20s!!!! " (I am slamming into 52 incidentally, not that it

matters.) A little background is in order: said SIL is MO, has been MO all

her

life, and would love to have WLS but is terrified of it. AND she is a couple

of

years older than me to boot. SO, after telling her to " Kiss my lifted ass "

and laughing like hell, she shut up toot sweet. MEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!

MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW! Wonder if she was drooling? ROFL!

Be grateful for geographical divides. I'm in NY and my mom is in FLA ---

hallelujiah (SP?)

Lucille

>

>

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I am also one of the lucky ones, my dear mom supported me no matter

what-she thought I was very brave to have the surgery and a bit

scared and was very proud when I lost the weight and always told me

how beautiful I was-she called me her beautiful baby girl although I

was well into my forties at the time.

It makes me so sad to read the posts about the unsupportative familes

and friends! Turn to those that support you and ignore the rest! In

my opinion they are jusr ignorant!

Hugs

EJ

> I'm so lucky. My mom supported me...then jumped on the same WLS

bandwagon a

> year later. We've never " compared notes, " but we can relate

our " issues "

> together.

>

> Jac

> http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/

> http://members.cox.net/XXXFARMPAINTS

> mail to: jholdaway@c...

>

> Order a BRAT 2004 calendar today at:

> http://www.basenjirescue.org/calendarcontest/

>

> Re: Mean Moms

>

> My mom always had commanded me not to ever get over 120#. May as

well have

> commanded me to have brown eyes. I dutifully starved my way up to

262.

>

> As I lost wt, she was overtly pleased--at least I wasn't dying.

But when I

> started to get down to those smaller sizes, she was starting in on

the,

> " You've lost enough. You're gaunt. There's such a thing as too

thin. " This

> at 150, so 30# over by HER stds. She did not acknowledge my

maintenance wt

> of about 110 until just before she died, actually.

>

> When my SLD, I told them I'd be needing revision, in planning

stages. The

> next time she hugged me, she said, " Ooo, I feel a little too much

. "

> Yes. And before I'd regained a single pound.

>

>

> Thanks,

>

>

> Vitalady, Inc. T

> www.vitalady.com

>

> If you are interested in PayPal, please click here:

> https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com

>

> Mean Moms

>

>

> > Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by

our " loved

> > ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people

who hurt

> our

> > feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ...

read on.

> >

> > Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a

distant

> > relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my

WLS (now

> 2-1/2

> > past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother

was not

> > supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my

mother has

> never

> > been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors.

> >

> > Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in

Sacramento.

> >

> > Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to

me.

> > Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt

so bad,

> > nonetheless.

> >

> > I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the

California recall

> > elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I

remembered a

> recent

> > thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her

lately, how

> I'd

> > heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to

diet and

> > exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out

denials

> about

> > WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying.

Rather, I

> said

> > to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address

the

> subject,

> > I would have just said I had no comment.

> >

> > My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you

have to

> > understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't

loose

> weight on

> > their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot

thing to

> say to

> > someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????)

> >

> > I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not

known for

> being

> > " speechless. " )

> >

> > I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed

and

> angry -

> > SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk

anymore

> ...

> > goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she

finally " got

> me " or

> > something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. "

> >

> > I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known

her

> > nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask

that I be a

> better

> > mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me.

> >

> > I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that

know, feel,

> and

> > understand.

> >

> > Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze!

> >

> > Bobbie

> > Anchorage, AK

> > Then: 314

> > Now: 185

> > Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01

> > Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03

> > Brachioplasty: 1/20/04

> >

> >

> >

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You know, Bobbie, I really get how you feel. I never told my mother

I had surgery. But when I saw her for the first time since wls after

my brother died - too this day she has not made one comment about my

weight loss. When I came back from the funeral, everyone asked me

what did my family say about how I looked. I very calmly & sadly

said - nothing.

I realize it was for the best because my Mom would have said

something similar as what your mom said. She has always & will

continue to be abusive. I worked very hard to not do to my children

what she did to us. I will say, my son & daughter are 27 yrs old &

they have let me know on many ocasions that I did not repeat the

pattern.

You did the best thing for yourself by hanging up. Yes, it stung. I

think we will always yearn for the loving, supportive mother.

However, we also have to realize it's her stuff. For some reason

inside of her - she cannot give her children the love & support they

need. It has nothing to do with the child.

As my shrink once told me, " stop trying to get the love, acceptance,

& support from someone who cannot & may not ever give it to you &

enjoy the love from those in your life who do care. "

You need to know ( & I know you do) that you are NOT weak. As a

matter of fact, one is pretty courageous to do what one knows is best

for them when the world does not generally support their decision.

SO THERE!

You are loved,

Lorraine

> Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by

our " loved

> ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people

who hurt our

> feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ...

read on.

>

> Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a

distant

> relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS

(now 2-1/2

> past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother

was not

> supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my

mother has never

> been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors.

>

> Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in

Sacramento.

>

> Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to

me.

> Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt

so bad,

> nonetheless.

>

> I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California

recall

> elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I

remembered a recent

> thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her

lately, how I'd

> heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to

diet and

> exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out

denials about

> WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying.

Rather, I said

> to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the

subject,

> I would have just said I had no comment.

>

> My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you

have to

> understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't

loose weight on

> their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot

thing to say to

> someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????)

>

> I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known

for being

> " speechless. " )

>

> I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and

angry -

> SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk

anymore ...

> goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she

finally " got me " or

> something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. "

>

> I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known

her

> nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that

I be a better

> mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me.

>

> I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know,

feel, and

> understand.

>

> Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze!

>

> Bobbie

> Anchorage, AK

> Then: 314

> Now: 185

> Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01

> Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03

> Brachioplasty: 1/20/04

>

>

>

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I knew that my parents weren't thrilled about my WLS when I had it done, but

even they disagreed with the decision I'd made, they were both very

supportive of me. Things change though, 15 months after my surgery my Mom

had hers done. I'm hoping that my Dad turns around too and has it done, but

just as he had to accept my decision that this was the best thing for ME, I

guess I have to accept that it's not for everyone and he doesn't want it for

him.

----------------------------------------

Terry Mayers

5DollarHosting.com

http://www.5dollarhosting.com

.... because it shouldn't cost a fortune to make a fortune!

Re: Mean Moms

My mom always had commanded me not to ever get over 120#. May as well have

commanded me to have brown eyes. I dutifully starved my way up to 262.

As I lost wt, she was overtly pleased--at least I wasn't dying. But when I

started to get down to those smaller sizes, she was starting in on the,

" You've lost enough. You're gaunt. There's such a thing as too thin. " This

at 150, so 30# over by HER stds. She did not acknowledge my maintenance wt

of about 110 until just before she died, actually.

When my SLD, I told them I'd be needing revision, in planning stages. The

next time she hugged me, she said, " Ooo, I feel a little too much . "

Yes. And before I'd regained a single pound.

Thanks,

Vitalady, Inc. T

www.vitalady.com

If you are interested in PayPal, please click here:

https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com

Mean Moms

> Okay - in the same vein as a recent thread on nasty comments by our " loved

> ones " towards us ... or, in general, about mean and nasty people who hurt

our

> feelings, because they don't understand why we had WLS, etc. ... read on.

>

> Last night I was speaking on the phone with my mother. We have a distant

> relationship, more so now because she has never acknowledged my WLS (now

2-1/2

> past), nor recent abdominoplasty (Feb. 14, this year). My mother was not

> supportive of my decision to have gastric bypass. Actually, my mother has

never

> been very supportive of my weight loss endeavors.

>

> Okay, you get the picture. I live in Anchorage. She lives in Sacramento.

>

> Moving on. I am just floored by a comment she made last night to me.

> Granted, I consider myself extremely thick-skinned, but this hurt so bad,

> nonetheless.

>

> I was speaking to her telephonically with regard to the California recall

> elections. For some reason, " The View " became a subject. I remembered a

recent

> thread about Starr , and asked my mom if she had seen her lately, how

I'd

> heard Starr had possibly had WLS but was attributing her loss to diet and

> exercise. I went on to state how I didn't understand out-and-out denials

about

> WLS, but rather, understood the need for privacy but not lying. Rather, I

said

> to my mom, if I were a public figure and didn't want to address the

subject,

> I would have just said I had no comment.

>

> My mom then said to me (and rather firmly I might add) " ... you have to

> understand, not everyone can admit that they are WEAK and can't loose

weight on

> their own. " ( " Weak " I thought to myself? Weak? What an idiot thing to

say to

> someone. She's educated, why would she say such a thing????)

>

> I WAS SPEECHLESS AND ANGRY AND WANTED TO SCREAM!!! (I am not known for

being

> " speechless. " )

>

> I held my breath for a moment and, was so hurt and disappointed and

angry -

> SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT - that I just said " Mother, I can't talk anymore

....

> goodbye " and hung up. All I heard was a " cheery " (like she finally " got

me " or

> something) tone of her saying, " well, okay then, goodbye. "

>

> I just can't believe it. Well, yes I can. I'm 48 and have known her

> nastiness all my life. God knows my loudest prayer is to ask that I be a

better

> mother to my 10-year-old daughter than what she has been to me.

>

> I don't share very often ... but I had to vent to those that know, feel,

and

> understand.

>

> Thanks for your patience with my rant! Geeze!

>

> Bobbie

> Anchorage, AK

> Then: 314

> Now: 185

> Proximal RNY: 5/11/ 01

> Abdominoplasty: 2/14/03

> Brachioplasty: 1/20/04

>

>

>

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Lucille-I loved your response! As far as your plastics-you go girl!

I will be 52 next month and if I had the money and time for recovery,

I would have my whole damn body lifted-from forehead to toes! I had

a round of plastics 8 years ago, but stuff is starting to droop again

and just because you are in your 50's don't mean dodo! Hell I might

be almost 52 but feel more like 30 and would love to look on the

outside the way I feel on the inside. WLS is no piece of cake and

after all we go through to get healthy, plastics are our reward for

all we have suffered!

Hugs

EJ

> Bobby, permit me to observe (and I say this respectfully, because

it's one

> thing for an individual to comment on/criticize own their mother,

and quite

> another for someone ELSE to do so) that your mother has a problem

that,

> unfortunately for her, does not lend itself to surgical assistance

or remedy. Let me

> observe yet again that her idiotic comment to you just reveals her

OWN

> weakness, not only insofar as she has not dealt with whatever

mental health issues

> compelled her to knowingly make a deliberately hurtful comment to

you, but

> moreover that she has never had the strength to rise above herself

and TRY to be a

> good mother. Her " cheery " goodbye to you was particularly

vomitous to me.

> I want to applaud YOU for having the strength to NOT let the poor

maternal

> example you had all your life plague your relationship with your

own daughter,

> and commend you on recognizing this and refusing to visit the same

misery on

> her that you had/have visited on you. If you sense that perhaps

my anger

> might suggest that I myself might be suffering

some " disappointments " with my own

> mother, you are correct. Sometimes people are just toxic for us,

no matter

> that we share blood with them.

>

> When " friends " make stupid comments about WLS (and I have had this

happen

> too), it is alot easier to tell them to " F++K OFF " than it is to

say this to

> one's own relatives, but essentially we need to make this our

universal reply no

> matter who is making the dopey comments. I am not being literal

here, and I

> think you understand that. I find that laughing derisively and

loudly

> generally gets my point across, and takes alot of the piss out of

someone who's

> objective was to hurt. Here's something that happened to me just

last week:

>

> My SIL called me on an unrelated family issue, and while we were

speaking she

> asked in passing how I was doing from my BL (which I had done

9/08), in a

> tone of voice suggesting she was enquiring about my bothersome

ingrown toenail.

> So I was going on about the particulars a little bit, and then

mentioned my

> planned BR/BL and brachioplasty hopefully in March of '04, at which

point she

> shrieked " Oh I can't believe you are doing this, I could understand

it if you

> were in your 20s!!!! " (I am slamming into 52 incidentally, not that

it

> matters.) A little background is in order: said SIL is MO, has

been MO all her

> life, and would love to have WLS but is terrified of it. AND she

is a couple of

> years older than me to boot. SO, after telling her to " Kiss my

lifted ass "

> and laughing like hell, she shut up toot sweet.

MEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!

> MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW! Wonder if she was drooling?

ROFL!

>

> Be grateful for geographical divides. I'm in NY and my mom is in

FLA ---

> hallelujiah (SP?)

>

> Lucille

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

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those memories are painful for those of us who have experienced them first

hand. my mom thinks you have to weigh 120 pounds to be considered normal. i

spent most of my life taking in her comments about the fact that i was a pudgy

kid and had to struggle to keep my weight between 130 and 140 thru high school

and college. then when i got pregnant it went to hell in a handbasket. i

gained 100 pounds in 9 months. i ate for 15 or 20 not 2 :) and then i had a 7

pound baby and gained that back. tried everything to lose it before i finally

had a BPD in 1990. i lost 110 pounds in 9 months and have kept it off since.

you'd think my mom would be thrilled...but no. apparently the fact that i

was ONCE fat is enough to damn me for all time. and of course the WLS will

cause me to have an early death. there's just no pleasing some people :) it

took me years to stop hearing my mom in my head. i'm no cindy crawford, but i

also don't scare folks in the street so it's all good. i've also tried really

hard NOT to be like her. she doesn't have fat friends because she considers

them weak and less intelligent. after all, if they had any brains they wouldn't

have let themselves get that way.

my daughter is 20 and her weight comes and goes. she'll waver around 30

pounds more or less. the only thing we have told her is that considering her

gene

pool (hubby has peripheral vein disease and horrible cholesterol and my

weight issues) she should try to live as healthy as possible. she did not win

the

DNA lottery if you know what i mean :) she thinks she's beautiful and so do i

!!!

peace, phyl

Never quit. There is nothing less important than the score at half-time.

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