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Re: Re: RE: Re: dating

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I suppose it depends on one's own state of mind as to whether a partner's

attitude is an issue or not. I have been with mine for 41-1/2 years. He never

showed a spark of interest in anything about the surgery, neither b4 nor after,

altho he supported my decision and took a week off work to look after me. But

while he is prone to blaming docs for NOTHING (even his own troubles with chemo

from too high dosages), he is very quick to blame ME for my failed stoma.

Just another perspective: perhaps it's better to have a partner who can be angry

FOR you instead of AT you, and who cares about you more than he does for the

kitchen chairs. Wanna swap?

Carol A

----------------------------------------------

In a message dated 11/19/2003 8:03:21 AM Central Standard Time,

DisDog@... writes:

> he was reviewing all the potential medical

> catastrophes I can (theoretically) have down the line, and of course he was

> working up a pretty good animosity towards the doctor.

>

> ly, any time we leave any of my doctors' offices where hubs hasn't

> choked anyone, I am always happy! ROFLMAO!

>

> Well, just venting here everyone, thanks for listening. All this stuff has

>

> been " weighing " on my mind recently, for obvious reasons. My beloved

> husband, with whom I have been together for 27 years now,

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You know Carol, people parse things very differently. What may seem like

indifference or lack of interest or involvement can be masked internalization

..... I am just making an observation. This may or may not apply to your

situation. I don't know. But certainly I feel bad that you find your

husband's

lack of reaction, or OVERreaction, or bad reaction .... less than ideal. As

for myself, I hope I didn't come off sounding as if I was complaining or

criticism of him. No, not at all. My concern is not for my husband's

attitude,

but rather his stress level. He has some health problems for which stress is

best avoided, or at least minimalized -- as far as one can ever minimalize

stress. That's why I am a little conflicted about adding to his stress level

with the plastics. Just last night, I went to show him a picture of the

compression garment the PS wants me to get, and he refused to look at it. When

I

said that " this is what I am going to be wearing for a while " he responded

" Yeah I know, that's the problem. " What can I say? The irony is that if the

shoe was on MY foot and HE was having all the surgery, I would be behaving far

far worse than he is!

As to his anger: I am very happy to report that our appointment today with

wls surgeon was cordial and full of smiles and handshakes. Hubs still hates

Doctor though LMAO! (I love my doctor!)

So nope, I won't swap, he's all mine. But if you ever want someone choked,

I might be able to arrange that for ya! LOL! It just might help relieve

the old sky-rocketing stress levels!

Thanks for sharing your experience. Another perspective is always valuable,

and it was very kind of you to share yours.

Lucille

In a message dated 11/19/2003 11:38:48 AM Eastern Standard Time, Tuesdynite

writes:

> I suppose it depends on one's own state of mind as to whether a partner's

> attitude is an issue or not. I have been with mine for 41-1/2 years. He never

> showed a spark of interest in anything about the surgery, neither b4 nor

> after, altho he supported my decision and took a week off work to look after

me.

> But while he is prone to blaming docs for NOTHING (even his own troubles with

> chemo from too high dosages), he is very quick to blame ME for my failed

> stoma. Just another perspective: perhaps it's better to have a partner who can

> be angry FOR you instead of AT you, and who cares about you more than he does

> for the kitchen chairs. Wanna swap?

>

> Carol A

>

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Awwwww. He doesn't like to see his Love Puff hurt.

I think it admirable.

Thanks,

Vitalady, Inc. T

www.vitalady.com

If you are interested in PayPal, please click here:

https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com

Re: RE: Re: dating

> Oh Debbie, I am so looking forward to this " laughing along " stage, but

it's

> not around the corner for us just yet. My baby is having a hard time,

and

> has been having a hard time since I started this journey. YES, he was

100% in

> support of the wls. We had a bunch of post-surgical problems (small

compared

> to some others have suffered, so I won't complain) and he was THERE with

me

> every step, but it was VERY hard on him emotionally. As I am sure that

is

> true for many of our babies, right? To this day he has an irrational

hatred of

> my surgeon. He blamed surgeon for post-surgical problems, and now he

blames

> surgeon for every wince and gas pain I have. There's no arguing with him

> about it either. And this is despite the fact that he will admit I am a

> million times healthier now than I was 2 years ago. And despite the fact

that he

> freely admits this surgery likely saved my life.

>

> Now that I am 2 years out and started PS adventure this past September,

this

> has just deepened his inability to " laugh along " . I can flap my excess

arm

> skin till I lift off, and it wouldn't crack him a grin, even a mournful

one.

> Of course, he hates my plastic surgeon now too. Problem: I had my

bladder

> shut down for a bit post BL due to swelling in mons area, and hubs was

LIVID

> that PS didn't psychically anticipate this happening -- more

irrationality,

> okay? Big deal, I had to go home with Foley catheter for a few days.

No

> injury just inconvenience. If it wasn't the negligible bladder issue,

trust me,

> he would have found something else to hate PS over. So, I just let him

vent

> and hope that helps.

>

> Now we have the boob/arm thing coming up 12/22. He is miserable. He is

> also supporting me in this, but it doesn't have the same air of

life/or/death

> urgency that the wls had. He understands why I want the PS, and he is

there

> for me on it, BUT if it were up to him, it wouldn't be happening. He

could

> care less if I am tripping on my ta-tas -- doesn't matter to him one iota.

He

> understands, however, that it matters a whole pile to me. So Santa is

> leaving me some wonderful gifts this year, but put some stinky coal in

hubs' Xmas

> stocking!

>

> Bottom line: I feel a little guilty about this PS stuff, as far as the

> strain it is placing on him. However, perhaps selfishly (perhpas NOT

selfishly),

> I am going ahead. I keep hoping at some point we will arrive at the

> " laughing along " stage. But his personality is such that I anticipate it

will be

> decades, if NEVER, that he will get comfortable enough with things.

Just last

> night, in anticipation of the second annual checkup I am having later this

> afternoon at WLS surgeon's office, he was reviewing all the potential

medical

> catastrophes I can (theoretically) have down the line, and of course he

was

> working up a pretty good animosity towards the doctor.

>

> ly, any time we leave any of my doctors' offices where hubs hasn't

> choked anyone, I am always happy! ROFLMAO!

>

> Well, just venting here everyone, thanks for listening. All this stuff

has

> been " weighing " on my mind recently, for obvious reasons. My beloved

> husband, with whom I have been together for 27 years now, is only a

mutant when it

> comes to his food pecularities, but in every other way, he is the only

diety

> in my life.

>

> In a message dated 11/19/2003 6:49:15 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> Graduate-OSSG writes:

>

> > Oh Gosh, don't our SO/boyfriends/hubbies all have to sit through the

> > funniest things? Most of the time when a group of us get together we

show

> > our RNY scar if we have one...or our new belly button...if we have

one....or

> > there are twenty of us sitting in Olive Garden waving our arm FLAPS!!!!

AND

> > ROARING in laughter. I know the REST of the restaurant was bug eyed!

> > just laughs with us. Like Jac's sweetie....he protects me, takes care of

me,

> > spoils me rotten. Just the way it should be.

> >

> > Debbie

>

>

>

>

>

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Oh, I hope you do reach that stage too. I am so fortunate that I have had a

pretty easy time with surgeries. Knock on wood, haven't had any

complications. So, my can't get angry at my doctors, however...we do

have our clashes from time to time. We are both opinionated and stubborn.

Sometimes we say things we don't mean or shouldn't and that starts an

argument.

Debbie &

in Gig Harbor

(170cm medial)

ladybostons@...

http://www.cafeshops.com/copsstore

http://www.marykay.com/debbiemcneice

-----Original Message-----

From: DisDog@...

Oh Debbie, I am so looking forward to this " laughing along " stage, but it's

not around the corner for us just yet.

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