Re: Think I just hit my brick wall

[Guest guest]

Sara,

Please don't post only when it's positive. It's helpful to hear what

to expect. And that's what this group is for to help each other get

through this!

With that being said, I hope you feel better and remember there will

be a day when this will be a past memory of something you had the

courage to do and got through. Maybe today isn't the day for scrambled

eggs but tomorrow or the next might be

Beth

> So today was meant to be my first day on soft foods. I still have my

> splint in but I am on much less tight elastics so my doctor told me I

> could have pasta, scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes and the like. So

> there I am at lunchtime preparing one of my all time favorites,

> scrambled eggs with melted mozzarella cheese. And I'm so happy

> because I have been looking forward to this day for so long. Then I

> sit down and try to eat the food and I CAN'T. I couldn't get the

> spoon into my mouth because my mouth wouldn't open wide enough and I

> was using the tiniest of baby spoons. So discouraging. The thing is

> with soup all I had to do was poke that spoon in a bit and then I

> could suck in the soup into my mouth and swallow. Well when I tried

> doing that with the scrambled eggs (that were also slightly

> blenderized) I nearly choked myself. And then before I knew it the

> tears started to well up inside of me and I started crying. I have

> never cried as much in my whole life as I have been crying over the

> past 10 days and I'm starting to get really sick of it. Today was the

> worst because I didn't even feel better after I had my cry. I just

> felt so frustrated. I CAN'T FEED MYSELF. I have never felt so

> hopeless. I know I'm being overly dramatic and that eventually I'll

> be able to open my jaw wider and wider but right now I just feel that

> I'm stuck with this jaw that doesn't open much and I feel horrible.

> Plus, to top it off as my swelling is going down my face seems longer

> and longer to me and I don't like it one bit. I hate being so

> ungrateful and unaccepting. I've tried to keep a really positive

> attitude throughout this whole process because I know it's key to a

> good recovery but today I just can't do it. My brick wall is sitting

> right in front of me and I'm trying to figure out how to get over it.

> For now I've totally lost my appetite.

>

> Sorry to be such a miserable poster today guys but I just feel so

> sad. I know it will pass soon. Thanks for listening.

>

> Sara

[Guest guest]

Sara,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard day today. Hopefully the hours will pass

quickly for you and tomorrow will be a new day.

I admire your positive attitude and candidness throughout this process. I

also appreciate hearing about your struggles as it helps those of us who

haven't had surgery know more of what may come our way. Hopefully writing

out your feelings will help you deal better with what your going through.

I have a family member who has recently found out she has an autoimmune

disease that attacks the hair foliciles. She's single, 25 and losing her

hair in round circles about the size of a quarter. It's quite possible she

will go bald. She is devastated and I am at a loss as to what to say to help

her feel better. I told her to think of the things she would say to me if I

were in her position.

I tuly hope you're feeling better soon, Sara. Please know there are people

all around the globe who are thinking of you today.

Diane, Oregon

>

>Reply-To: orthognathicsurgerysupport

>To: orthognathicsurgerysupport

>Subject: [Orthognathic Surgery Support ] Think I just hit my brick wall

>Date: Thu, 16 Jun 2005 18:11:00 -0000

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sara,

{{{Hugs from Minnesota}}}} I am so sorry you're having a rough

day! I think I was there yesterday, and it sucks!! Just know that

we've all been there, and will probably be again before this process

is over, and frankly, I think we deserve to have a few good cries!!

I mean, this is A LOT to endure, and we shouldn't lose sight of

that. Having something done to your face (which is basically the

most personal part of our body) is not something to take lightly --

it really does take an emotional toll. I wish I could give you more

logistical advice on eating. Have you tried blending up chunky

style soup really good? That tastes good to me; at least it's a

little more substantive. I give you credit for trying eggs . .. I

know there's no way I would be able to get them down either!! For

what it's worth, I think your pictures look wonderful. I don't

particularly like the looks of my results right now, but I'm hoping

that it's just the swelling and everything that's making me look so

weird. I will try posting pics. soon, but I'm convinced that I look

exactly like The Who's from The Grinch. Lovely! Anyhow, I know

that this is just a speedbump in your road to recovery. You are

such a positive and upbeat person, that I know you'll get through

this in flying colors!!

Take care,

> So today was meant to be my first day on soft foods. I still have

my

> splint in but I am on much less tight elastics so my doctor told

me I

> could have pasta, scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes and the like. So

> there I am at lunchtime preparing one of my all time favorites,

> scrambled eggs with melted mozzarella cheese. And I'm so happy

> because I have been looking forward to this day for so long. Then

I

> sit down and try to eat the food and I CAN'T. I couldn't get the

> spoon into my mouth because my mouth wouldn't open wide enough and

I

> was using the tiniest of baby spoons. So discouraging. The thing

is

> with soup all I had to do was poke that spoon in a bit and then I

> could suck in the soup into my mouth and swallow. Well when I

tried

> doing that with the scrambled eggs (that were also slightly

> blenderized) I nearly choked myself. And then before I knew it the

> tears started to well up inside of me and I started crying. I have

> never cried as much in my whole life as I have been crying over

the

> past 10 days and I'm starting to get really sick of it. Today was

the

> worst because I didn't even feel better after I had my cry. I just

> felt so frustrated. I CAN'T FEED MYSELF. I have never felt so

> hopeless. I know I'm being overly dramatic and that eventually

I'll

> be able to open my jaw wider and wider but right now I just feel

that

> I'm stuck with this jaw that doesn't open much and I feel

horrible.

> Plus, to top it off as my swelling is going down my face seems

longer

> and longer to me and I don't like it one bit. I hate being so

> ungrateful and unaccepting. I've tried to keep a really positive

> attitude throughout this whole process because I know it's key to

a

> good recovery but today I just can't do it. My brick wall is

sitting

> right in front of me and I'm trying to figure out how to get over

it.

> For now I've totally lost my appetite.

>

> Sorry to be such a miserable poster today guys but I just feel so

> sad. I know it will pass soon. Thanks for listening.

>

> Sara

[Guest guest]

Thanks Beth. Glad my posts are helpful sort of despite being whiney:-

) And yes, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but some day scrambled

eggs will be mine to conquer. Boy am I Scarlet O'Hara or what?

Sara

> > So today was meant to be my first day on soft foods. I still have

my

> > splint in but I am on much less tight elastics so my doctor told

me I

> > could have pasta, scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes and the like.

So

> > there I am at lunchtime preparing one of my all time favorites,

> > scrambled eggs with melted mozzarella cheese. And I'm so happy

> > because I have been looking forward to this day for so long. Then

I

> > sit down and try to eat the food and I CAN'T. I couldn't get the

> > spoon into my mouth because my mouth wouldn't open wide enough

and I

> > was using the tiniest of baby spoons. So discouraging. The thing

is

> > with soup all I had to do was poke that spoon in a bit and then I

> > could suck in the soup into my mouth and swallow. Well when I

tried

> > doing that with the scrambled eggs (that were also slightly

> > blenderized) I nearly choked myself. And then before I knew it

the

> > tears started to well up inside of me and I started crying. I

have

> > never cried as much in my whole life as I have been crying over

the

> > past 10 days and I'm starting to get really sick of it. Today was

the

> > worst because I didn't even feel better after I had my cry. I

just

> > felt so frustrated. I CAN'T FEED MYSELF. I have never felt so

> > hopeless. I know I'm being overly dramatic and that eventually

I'll

> > be able to open my jaw wider and wider but right now I just feel

that

> > I'm stuck with this jaw that doesn't open much and I feel

horrible.

> > Plus, to top it off as my swelling is going down my face seems

longer

> > and longer to me and I don't like it one bit. I hate being so

> > ungrateful and unaccepting. I've tried to keep a really positive

> > attitude throughout this whole process because I know it's key to

a

> > good recovery but today I just can't do it. My brick wall is

sitting

> > right in front of me and I'm trying to figure out how to get over

it.

> > For now I've totally lost my appetite.

> >

> > Sorry to be such a miserable poster today guys but I just feel so

> > sad. I know it will pass soon. Thanks for listening.

> >

> > Sara

[Guest guest]

oh Sara--I feel so badly for you--you have been so encouragin gto

me...I hope you feel better tommorrow. Tomorrow is day 9 for me and I

am having my wires off and was told the same thing as you, so I am

looking forward to a day of lovely REAL food...hmmm...now I will know

not to be too cocky about it!!!! I want you to knwo that I have been

through a few surgeries and 5 babies and this is the worst thing I

have ever had done. If you feel you need to cry you have nothing to

feel ashamed about. Cry and get it out...and as far as posting

messages such as these~well, that is what these boards are for-the

good times and the bad times....believe it or not--even the bad times

are learnign tiems..it is all a process..keep your chin up ya hear.

Oh bty--I too, look in the mirror and think why is my face so freakin

long looking??!! feels like myface goes on forever compared to

before. But a word of encouragement for you-I have a freind who had

this done in 2000 & she said she looked in the mirror the first

couple months wondering if that was how she was going to look forever

(she was not pleased at all) and then finally in the end (after 5-6

months) her healing was complete and she feels beautiful!! So there-

remember that (I will too

Take care

Sher

> So today was meant to be my first day on soft foods. I still have

my

> splint in but I am on much less tight elastics so my doctor told me

I

> could have pasta, scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes and the like. So

> there I am at lunchtime preparing one of my all time favorites,

> scrambled eggs with melted mozzarella cheese. And I'm so happy

> because I have been looking forward to this day for so long. Then I

> sit down and try to eat the food and I CAN'T. I couldn't get the

> spoon into my mouth because my mouth wouldn't open wide enough and

I

> was using the tiniest of baby spoons. So discouraging. The thing is

> with soup all I had to do was poke that spoon in a bit and then I

> could suck in the soup into my mouth and swallow. Well when I tried

> doing that with the scrambled eggs (that were also slightly

> blenderized) I nearly choked myself. And then before I knew it the

> tears started to well up inside of me and I started crying. I have

> never cried as much in my whole life as I have been crying over the

> past 10 days and I'm starting to get really sick of it. Today was

the

> worst because I didn't even feel better after I had my cry. I just

> felt so frustrated. I CAN'T FEED MYSELF. I have never felt so

> hopeless. I know I'm being overly dramatic and that eventually I'll

> be able to open my jaw wider and wider but right now I just feel

that

> I'm stuck with this jaw that doesn't open much and I feel horrible.

> Plus, to top it off as my swelling is going down my face seems

longer

> and longer to me and I don't like it one bit. I hate being so

> ungrateful and unaccepting. I've tried to keep a really positive

> attitude throughout this whole process because I know it's key to a

> good recovery but today I just can't do it. My brick wall is

sitting

> right in front of me and I'm trying to figure out how to get over

it.

> For now I've totally lost my appetite.

>

> Sorry to be such a miserable poster today guys but I just feel so

> sad. I know it will pass soon. Thanks for listening.

>

> Sara

[Guest guest]

Absolutely it's normal to get blue and to cry, although the crying

isn't advised if you have congestion and if you can avoid it.

Part of it is purely biochemical -- the steroids and the anesthesia

can do a number on your emotions, and it takes them a while to work

their way out of your system.

And yes, part of it is the impact of the whole thing. This hasn't

been posted about a lot lately, but not only does this surgery impact

your appearance; it also affects how you communicate with others, how

you eat, even how you breathe, if you have upper. That's a big clump

of stuff to cope with.

And most of us, by the time we get to the OR, have become more or

less obsessive about it. Part of it is the fear, which is usually not

warranted but is inescapable. Part of it is the eagerness to be over

and done with everything, including the braces. And then clunk. All

of a sudden, the surgery is over, we've passed a milestone and

there's nothing to do but wait for things to get better. It can be a

real let-down.

When you hit one of those spells, try to figure out something that

will help you feel better. Let someone pamper you. Give yourself a

nice long soaky bubble bath. (Yep, guys can enjoy bubble baths, too.)

If you feel up to it and enjoy it, get a manicure, pedicure and/or a

new hairdo. Read a book you've been intending to get into for a

while, or watch a video you like, or just flip through some trash

magazines. Buy yourself (or get someone to buy for you) a record

you've been wanting. Doesn't really matter what it is - just treat

yourself to some sort of guilt-free pleasure that would otherwise be

a guilty one!

If it persists, talk with your doc about it. He or she may well have

some other help to offer.

Cammie

> Hi Sara,

>

> {{{Hugs from Minnesota}}}} I am so sorry you're having a rough

> day! I think I was there yesterday, and it sucks!! Just know that

> we've all been there, and will probably be again before this

process

> is over, and frankly, I think we deserve to have a few good cries!!

> I mean, this is A LOT to endure, and we shouldn't lose sight of

> that. Having something done to your face (which is basically the

> most personal part of our body) is not something to take lightly --

> it really does take an emotional toll. I wish I could give you

more

> logistical advice on eating. Have you tried blending up chunky

> style soup really good? That tastes good to me; at least it's a

> little more substantive. I give you credit for trying eggs . .. I

> know there's no way I would be able to get them down either!! For

> what it's worth, I think your pictures look wonderful. I don't

> particularly like the looks of my results right now, but I'm hoping

> that it's just the swelling and everything that's making me look so

> weird. I will try posting pics. soon, but I'm convinced that I

look

> exactly like The Who's from The Grinch. Lovely! Anyhow, I

know

> that this is just a speedbump in your road to recovery. You are

> such a positive and upbeat person, that I know you'll get through

> this in flying colors!!

>

> Take care,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sara-girl )

First of all - don't worry about being a down poster. You're always

the most positive person...and always here for all of us. A romantic

stories always have their heart wrenching moments - so I would expect

it to happen to you too )

I can tell you that the first morning after the surgery - I was still

in the recovery room because they didn't have a bed. Well, the nurses

got everyone out of bed and into chairs to help our lungs. Because I

was doing the best (ie...not the woman who smoked a pack a day for the

last 30 yrs or the man with the stroke) no one really paid any

attention to me. And I wasn't allowed visitors because it was the

recovery room. Anyway, this woman comes along and puts this tray in

front of me and tell me to eat. It had hot cereal and hot tea (both a

no no because I can't have hot things on my palate). Then it had

yogurt and jello. I figured - how hard can that be? And then I found

out. I was so frustrated because I couldn't open my mouth wide

enough. And somehow the spoon seemed like a torture contraption. But

then the nurse came back and said I should eat something since I had

all that morphine in my system on an empty stomach. So I tried

harder. And then threw down the spoon. Later that night, I threw up.

Probably from not wanting to eat anything and all the medication. I

hate it when they're right

Anyway - this long dialog is to let you know you're not alone. Those

first couple of bites are hard ones - and I don't think they really

prepare you for it. No one tells you how to eat - and you kind of

have to learn again. Just keep with it )

And although I didn't see any new pictures - your face looks beautiful )

-becky

[Guest guest]

Hi Sara,

I ditto everything Cammie said. This surgery is a roller coaster

ride and you have to endure a lot. Even the most stoic (and I'm not

of them) have their down days.

Also, about your appearance. You know you still have some swelling

but you've had a lot of changes to your face. You've seen the same

face in the mirror for years and then literally overnight, it's

different. That takes some getting used to. After one of my

surgeries, I remarked to my hair stylist that I thought my face

looked fat. She replied " No, , you finally have a jaw. " After a

lifetime of having an underdeveloped lower jaw and nonexistant chin,

what looked huge to me was actually a normal appearing jaw. Your

changes haven't been as drastic but they are still changes. Your

pictures look great and by the time you're fully recovered, I'm sure

you'll be happy with your appearance as well.

I hope everything is better for you tomorrow and wish you a speedy

recovery.

(13 days to go until surgery #6)

> > Hi Sara,

> >

> > {{{Hugs from Minnesota}}}} I am so sorry you're having a rough

> > day! I think I was there yesterday, and it sucks!! Just know

that

> > we've all been there, and will probably be again before this

> process

> > is over, and frankly, I think we deserve to have a few good

cries!!

> > I mean, this is A LOT to endure, and we shouldn't lose sight of

> > that. Having something done to your face (which is basically

the

> > most personal part of our body) is not something to take

lightly --

> > it really does take an emotional toll. I wish I could give you

> more

> > logistical advice on eating. Have you tried blending up chunky

> > style soup really good? That tastes good to me; at least it's a

> > little more substantive. I give you credit for trying eggs . ..

I

> > know there's no way I would be able to get them down either!!

For

> > what it's worth, I think your pictures look wonderful. I don't

> > particularly like the looks of my results right now, but I'm

hoping

> > that it's just the swelling and everything that's making me look

so

> > weird. I will try posting pics. soon, but I'm convinced that I

> look

> > exactly like The Who's from The Grinch. Lovely! Anyhow, I

> know

> > that this is just a speedbump in your road to recovery. You are

> > such a positive and upbeat person, that I know you'll get

through

> > this in flying colors!!

> >

> > Take care,

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Sara, Hang in there! Hugs! We're all here to help one another.

I'm sure I'll be feeling the same at some time in the future. I've

already tried to imagine the frustation I'll feel a few weeks from now

after they've rearranged my face & I'm tired trying to feed myself.

You're pictures look great, hope I can look half as good after my

surgery.

Shirley

[Guest guest]

Sara,

I saw a ton of responses to this post so I'm sure you've already

heard all the " it's going to be okay " s and " we're here for you " s

and " it will all be worth it in the end " s that you can take.

Maybe all those things are true, but the fact of the matter is that

dealing with orthognathic surgery SUCKS! It's rough for each of us

in different ways and at different times. You're frustrated that

your having trouble feeding yourself the soft foods that you're

allowed to have. I'm frustrated that I'm not allowed to have soft

foods - haven't for 6 weeks and can't for 2 more weeks. Some of us

are frustrated about how we look - the swelling and the facial

changes. Some of us are dealing with too much weight loss, or

vomiting, or adverse reactions to medication, or financial

difficulties, or non-support from family and friends or an employer

who couldn't care less. The list goes on and on. Our own crosses

always seem the heaviest - but - it's all relative.

So, what helpful thing do I have to say in the midst of all my

negative truth ... hmmm, good question.

I suppose the postive angle is that there are SO MANY who have come

against that brick wall, not once but many times, and have found a

way to either climb over it or knock it down. So, the odds are that

all of us newly post-oppers will do the same.

I have to believe that's the truth ...

Sitting in front of the wall with you,

Carol

> So today was meant to be my first day on soft foods. I still have

my

> splint in but I am on much less tight elastics so my doctor told me

I

> could have pasta, scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes and the like. So

> there I am at lunchtime preparing one of my all time favorites,

> scrambled eggs with melted mozzarella cheese. And I'm so happy

> because I have been looking forward to this day for so long. Then I

> sit down and try to eat the food and I CAN'T. I couldn't get the

> spoon into my mouth because my mouth wouldn't open wide enough and

I

> was using the tiniest of baby spoons. So discouraging. The thing is

> with soup all I had to do was poke that spoon in a bit and then I

> could suck in the soup into my mouth and swallow. Well when I tried

> doing that with the scrambled eggs (that were also slightly

> blenderized) I nearly choked myself. And then before I knew it the

> tears started to well up inside of me and I started crying. I have

> never cried as much in my whole life as I have been crying over the

> past 10 days and I'm starting to get really sick of it. Today was

the

> worst because I didn't even feel better after I had my cry. I just

> felt so frustrated. I CAN'T FEED MYSELF. I have never felt so

> hopeless. I know I'm being overly dramatic and that eventually I'll

> be able to open my jaw wider and wider but right now I just feel

that

> I'm stuck with this jaw that doesn't open much and I feel horrible.

> Plus, to top it off as my swelling is going down my face seems

longer

> and longer to me and I don't like it one bit. I hate being so

> ungrateful and unaccepting. I've tried to keep a really positive

> attitude throughout this whole process because I know it's key to a

> good recovery but today I just can't do it. My brick wall is

sitting

> right in front of me and I'm trying to figure out how to get over

it.

> For now I've totally lost my appetite.

>

> Sorry to be such a miserable poster today guys but I just feel so

> sad. I know it will pass soon. Thanks for listening.

>

> Sara