Re: any other RNY couples out there???

October 1, 2003

Cindy - I can sympathize with you even though my situation is so

different from yours. First of all my dh has always been super slim,

so has had very little understanding of MO. He finally became

more " tolerant " & even caring - but no understanding. Now that I

have lost weight - he has been gaining weight. I now have to fight

to NOT rub it in - not make the comments that use to wound me so. I

want to, boy do I want to. I use to hate it when I would diet, he

would diet with me, lose 10 pounds in a week ( & he didn't need to)

while I would hold steady or gain.

I envied soooo much that he could eat sweets, carbs, etc. for years

with no harmful effects. Now - I try to not be pleased at his

struggle ( & I am not - really?) but I do find myself relishing in his

struggle & I really feel guilty for that.

Now, my daughter had wls July 29 of this year. She started out 17

lbs less than I startesd out on our respective days of surgery. I am

almost 3 years out. I got to 194.5 lbs (lowest ever post wls), took

me 2 1/2 yrs to get there, & I am back to 211 lbs as of today.

My daughter is now 215. Can you believe it? The clothes I took her

that were too big for me (just recently too big, btw) are now too big

for her. She is comfortably in a size 14. I am in 12, 14, 16, & 18

& could get in some 20's. Am I jealous - you darn tootin' I am. I

don't begrudge her one ounce. But I am sooo mad that my wls has been

so slow. (I just tell myself it is just because she is young - so

there - lol).

Fortunately we have a good relationship. I know she struggled to

listen to me & watch me over these last 3 yrs as I lost weight & she

was gaining weight. We do talk about this - so that helps. But I

would be lying if I were to say I was not jealous. AND She has not

thrown up ONE time. Me - I was throwing up with every meal for about

4 months (my best friend said jokingly that is because she has never

had any babies lol).

I am happy for her success. I am praying that she continue - but

believe you me, it is hard.

Hang in there, Cindy. Remind yourself that each of your struggles

are individual & try (yeah, yeah, I know it sounds trite) to remind

yourself of just how very successful you are and that we can never

ompare our weightloss to anothers.

You are loved,

Lorraine

> I hope some of you can help. I had RNY 4/02, and my hubby had it

4/03. I feel really resentful that he is losing so rapidly, while I

am still struggling with my last 50 lbs. I know all the

reasons...he's a man and they lose faster, etc.etc.etc. I am trying

not to get into the comparison trap, but he is driving me crazy. He

is so excited about losing, that the man who hates shopping won't

leave the men's dept of the store. While I don't think he means to

rub it in, he makes little comments that really get under my skin. I

was really discouraged a couple of weeks ago when he talked me into

going to a RNY support meeting for those considering the surgery. We

weighed ourselves before going into the meeting, ( big mistake!), and

I had only lost 8 lbs in 4 months. I had busted my tail to lose it,

too. I had sworn off of carbs, and increased my protein, and that was

as far as I could get??? Anyway, He got up and gave a nice little

speech about the " joys " of the surgery, and I didn't say one

> thing about my experience, I was so down...

> Have any of you gals experienced anything similar, and if so, how

did you deal with it?

> The truth is, I have a really good marriage, so I hate to wallow

around in self pity. I have been discouraged all day, and have eaten

so many carbs, that poor Dr. Adkins is probably rolling in his grave.

Please send help soon. Meanwhile, I am going to go have some cheese

with my whine...(lowest carb thing I've had all day!)

> Thanks

> Cindy

>

October 1, 2003

In a message dated 10/1/2003 8:03:27 PM Eastern Standard Time,

rnrsmom2003@... writes:

While I don't think he means to rub it in, he makes little comments that

really get under my skin

==============================================

I hate saying things like this, but there is more going on here. Some kind

of unspoken anger. I am always annoyed by people who have an easier time of

it, in all aspects of life, than I do. If it starts to bother me and interfere

with my normal thinking, I have to do something about it. Sometimes there is

an underlying depression sometimes it is something I have to change in my life.

In other words, the weight thing is a symptom. You need to talk about other

issues and see where it leads you. Just my 2 cents. By the way My DH and I

even shared hospital rooms. My daughter weighs more than me, I am longer term

post op than her, but she wears a smaller size. Go figure.

Fay Bayuk

**300/166

10/23/01

Dr.

Open RNY 150 cm

Click for My Profile

http://obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/profile.phtml?N=Bayuk951061008

Coping with the emotional aspects of craving food, one day at a time.

October 1, 2003

I think this would be an excellent topic to take to your " in-person " support

group. Surely someone there has gone through the same thing or knows

someone who has.

How you are feeling is completely understandable, even to me, and I was by

myself though all of it. I think it would be very difficult. Of course 2

lbs a month isn't bad at all. Some of us slow down toward the end, or you

may just be on a temporary plateau. Either way, you know you have to stop

competing with your husband.

It's great that you're taking good care of yourself by increasing the

protein and getting off the carbs. Just give yourself some credit for doing

what you need to do. If it takes you twice the effort and time it does him

to lose a lb, then you're the more noble one! :-) (Okay, okay, so that's

competing too. We're all human).

Barbara Jean

any other RNY couples out there???

> I hope some of you can help. I had RNY 4/02, and my hubby had it 4/03. I

feel really resentful that he is losing so rapidly, while I am still

struggling with my last 50 lbs. I know all the reasons...he's a man and they

lose faster, etc.etc.etc. I am trying not to get into the comparison trap,

but he is driving me crazy. He is so excited about losing, that the man who

hates shopping won't leave the men's dept of the store. While I don't think

he means to rub it in, he makes little comments that really get under my

skin. I was really discouraged a couple of weeks ago when he talked me into

going to a RNY support meeting for those considering the surgery. We weighed

ourselves before going into the meeting, ( big mistake!), and I had only

lost 8 lbs in 4 months. I had busted my tail to lose it, too. I had sworn

off of carbs, and increased my protein, and that was as far as I could

get??? Anyway, He got up and gave a nice little speech about the " joys " of

the surgery, and I didn't say one

> thing about my experience, I was so down...

> Have any of you gals experienced anything similar, and if so, how did you

deal with it?

> The truth is, I have a really good marriage, so I hate to wallow around in

self pity. I have been discouraged all day, and have eaten so many carbs,

that poor Dr. Adkins is probably rolling in his grave. Please send help

soon. Meanwhile, I am going to go have some cheese with my whine...(lowest

carb thing I've had all day!)

> Thanks

> Cindy

>

October 2, 2003

I had my surgery 10/5/94

My dh had his 10/24/95

We reached goal at the same time. I was still stabilizing while he was!

Took me 14 months to lose all mine, another 6 to get parked. He lost 110 in

4 months, floated a bit and parked.

I REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY had a struggle with that. But I got over it,

eventually.

You're not alone

Thanks,

Vitalady, Inc. T

www.vitalady.com

If you are interested in PayPal, please click here:

https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com