Jump to content
RemedySpot.com

hubby having surgery

Rate this topic


Guest guest

Recommended Posts

well, i am 20 months post op now. for 19 mo after surgery my husband

who is also morbidly obese never supported my surgery, never wanted

it for himself, sabotaged my eating and joked that the only stomach

surgery he wanted was one that would give him another stomach so he

could eat even more. he was willing to die before giving up eating.

well, bombshell day about a month ago. after seeing his doc about

diabetic neuropathy in his legs.. he wants wls. after nearly

fainting, then scrambling to my feet and getting started on insurance

and doctor issues, reality has set in.

# 1 i am frightened and worried. its one thing to have it on

yourself. now that it is my hubby, i am so worried. he has heart

problems and i didnt.

#2 he wants me to do all the work to get everything set up. he says

if i dont, he cant, so he wouldnt have the surgery. he is very

dependent in this area. doesnt handle conflict, " no " , or bureacracies

like insurance and the health care system.

#3 he doesnt want to go online, read any books, or go to any support

groups. he says " i have you if i have any questions. i have seen

everything you have gone thru.i dont need it "

i know that surgery will prolong his life. i want him to go thru with

it. but i need some support on this now.i need to hear if i enable

him on the mechanics of getting everything set up for him if this is

not a good thing.

help

patsy in las vegas

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Patsy,

My mom for 20+ years got up every day to make my dad breakfast and lunch

before he'd trudged off to work. She also made us all dinner. She was that

type of mom. He was a great dad btw :) .

Well he retired and has diabetes. My mom had a very hard time switching

over to supporting him by making him stuff to help keep his diabetes under

control. I told her, you did everything for him 20+ yrs why you rebelling

now? I think it was her fear more than anything. I don't think she wanted

to be responsible in case he got worse. She wanted him to live so she is

putting more time in and over a few years, he's on his own eating good stuff

now.

Sometimes men come to rely on their wives a lot. I think by and large we as

women are very thorough with our research and stuff - being the matriarch

kinda requires it at times. I think they look up to that even though they

may not say it. I know it may be a pain in the butt to help him but I bet

if you sit down with him and write out menu's and you eat simple enough,

your work would actually be probably small after awhile. You would have to

tell him tho, now look if you eat outside of this..all bets are off. It's

obvious to me he's scared and he's wanting to draw off the person who knows

a lot. It's never easy to realize you are going to die and I imagine it's

scary as hell the type of wakeup call he got. He's probably not educated on

what is out there nor possibly has the communication or interaction skills

to obtain it from support groups? I dunno I just picture my dad, and bless

his heart, he'd be the same way and he is a good man and I'd want to see him

live. So just realize, he's scared, you will need to teach a little, he'll

learn over time, you both will be happier thinner.

Sherra

hubby having surgery

> well, i am 20 months post op now. for 19 mo after surgery my husband

> who is also morbidly obese never supported my surgery, never wanted

> it for himself, sabotaged my eating and joked that the only stomach

> surgery he wanted was one that would give him another stomach so he

> could eat even more. he was willing to die before giving up eating.

>

> well, bombshell day about a month ago. after seeing his doc about

> diabetic neuropathy in his legs.. he wants wls. after nearly

> fainting, then scrambling to my feet and getting started on insurance

> and doctor issues, reality has set in.

> # 1 i am frightened and worried. its one thing to have it on

> yourself. now that it is my hubby, i am so worried. he has heart

> problems and i didnt.

> #2 he wants me to do all the work to get everything set up. he says

> if i dont, he cant, so he wouldnt have the surgery. he is very

> dependent in this area. doesnt handle conflict, " no " , or bureacracies

> like insurance and the health care system.

> #3 he doesnt want to go online, read any books, or go to any support

> groups. he says " i have you if i have any questions. i have seen

> everything you have gone thru.i dont need it "

>

> i know that surgery will prolong his life. i want him to go thru with

> it. but i need some support on this now.i need to hear if i enable

> him on the mechanics of getting everything set up for him if this is

> not a good thing.

>

> help

>

> patsy in las vegas

>

>

>

> Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

>

> Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...