Guest guest Posted October 27, 2003 Report Share Posted October 27, 2003 well, i am 20 months post op now. for 19 mo after surgery my husband who is also morbidly obese never supported my surgery, never wanted it for himself, sabotaged my eating and joked that the only stomach surgery he wanted was one that would give him another stomach so he could eat even more. he was willing to die before giving up eating. well, bombshell day about a month ago. after seeing his doc about diabetic neuropathy in his legs.. he wants wls. after nearly fainting, then scrambling to my feet and getting started on insurance and doctor issues, reality has set in. # 1 i am frightened and worried. its one thing to have it on yourself. now that it is my hubby, i am so worried. he has heart problems and i didnt. #2 he wants me to do all the work to get everything set up. he says if i dont, he cant, so he wouldnt have the surgery. he is very dependent in this area. doesnt handle conflict, " no " , or bureacracies like insurance and the health care system. #3 he doesnt want to go online, read any books, or go to any support groups. he says " i have you if i have any questions. i have seen everything you have gone thru.i dont need it " i know that surgery will prolong his life. i want him to go thru with it. but i need some support on this now.i need to hear if i enable him on the mechanics of getting everything set up for him if this is not a good thing. help patsy in las vegas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2003 Report Share Posted October 27, 2003 Patsy, My mom for 20+ years got up every day to make my dad breakfast and lunch before he'd trudged off to work. She also made us all dinner. She was that type of mom. He was a great dad btw . Well he retired and has diabetes. My mom had a very hard time switching over to supporting him by making him stuff to help keep his diabetes under control. I told her, you did everything for him 20+ yrs why you rebelling now? I think it was her fear more than anything. I don't think she wanted to be responsible in case he got worse. She wanted him to live so she is putting more time in and over a few years, he's on his own eating good stuff now. Sometimes men come to rely on their wives a lot. I think by and large we as women are very thorough with our research and stuff - being the matriarch kinda requires it at times. I think they look up to that even though they may not say it. I know it may be a pain in the butt to help him but I bet if you sit down with him and write out menu's and you eat simple enough, your work would actually be probably small after awhile. You would have to tell him tho, now look if you eat outside of this..all bets are off. It's obvious to me he's scared and he's wanting to draw off the person who knows a lot. It's never easy to realize you are going to die and I imagine it's scary as hell the type of wakeup call he got. He's probably not educated on what is out there nor possibly has the communication or interaction skills to obtain it from support groups? I dunno I just picture my dad, and bless his heart, he'd be the same way and he is a good man and I'd want to see him live. So just realize, he's scared, you will need to teach a little, he'll learn over time, you both will be happier thinner. Sherra hubby having surgery > well, i am 20 months post op now. for 19 mo after surgery my husband > who is also morbidly obese never supported my surgery, never wanted > it for himself, sabotaged my eating and joked that the only stomach > surgery he wanted was one that would give him another stomach so he > could eat even more. he was willing to die before giving up eating. > > well, bombshell day about a month ago. after seeing his doc about > diabetic neuropathy in his legs.. he wants wls. after nearly > fainting, then scrambling to my feet and getting started on insurance > and doctor issues, reality has set in. > # 1 i am frightened and worried. its one thing to have it on > yourself. now that it is my hubby, i am so worried. he has heart > problems and i didnt. > #2 he wants me to do all the work to get everything set up. he says > if i dont, he cant, so he wouldnt have the surgery. he is very > dependent in this area. doesnt handle conflict, " no " , or bureacracies > like insurance and the health care system. > #3 he doesnt want to go online, read any books, or go to any support > groups. he says " i have you if i have any questions. i have seen > everything you have gone thru.i dont need it " > > i know that surgery will prolong his life. i want him to go thru with > it. but i need some support on this now.i need to hear if i enable > him on the mechanics of getting everything set up for him if this is > not a good thing. > > help > > patsy in las vegas > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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