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In a message dated 11/17/2003 10:16:52 AM Eastern Standard Time,

Graduate-OSSG writes:

Now all I need is a boyfriend!!

I find it very hard to date. When men hit on me I think " would you be asking

me out when I was 300+ lbs??? And I get defensive. I am still so protective

over that fat person. I REALLY need to let her go.

Hi Ya....this is such a problem for me just now...i had a boyfriend when i

was fat and through the losing phase and then i realised that i wanted more and

broke up with him which was one of the best things that i ever did for either

of us...he is so much better and i am too but that is so weird that we are

better without each other...he wants to get back and i am dating

others....anyway

the point of this is what i try to think about when the boys start chatting

me up and those thoughts of " when i was almost 300 pounds you wouldn't have

talked to me " ...i try to remember that i would have never have talked to them

either and that I didn't know them then and i am not that person anymore...i am

who i am now.... and that is the person that they are attracted to....and to

welcome that feeling because that when i was so big i had a cushion around

myself that protected me because boys didn't reject me...they rejected the fat,

now

when they reject me and that is so much more painful...even though it is a

superficial rejection it reminds me of how painful it could be when those

rejections are more personal...my answer was match.com and (and an individual

therapist)...it was the greatest thing ever...so many boys so little time...I am

seeing a great person just now that i really like and every time i look at him i

am like he is so cute what is he doing with me...but then he does a boy thing

and i remember that he is human just like me....the therapy is just to keep my

head in check because my surgery was 1/24/00, (is that possible that i am

nearly 3 years out?) anyway i still feel fat and have problems with the fact

that i don't get the credit for all the years that i was fat and dealt with

that...people see thin and i see ok (maybe..) So it helps to have someone that

is

objective to bounce this stuff off of....good luck to you....be happy... have

fun....Cheers, Yvonne

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