update - cortizone shot...Xpost

[Guest guest]

Well, I woke up today in worse pain than yesterday. The vicodin had

to be in my system at a constant stream or I had hell to pay - which

I did upon awkening this morning. Somehow managed to get dressed,

headed over to my PCP's office. By the time I got there, tears were

streaming down my face. I don't usually cry or shed tears when I am

in pain so this tells you how bad it had gotten.

One look at me & his receptionist said she'd get the nurse. They

worked me in. I had to wait 2 hrs. That was okay, it is just that 2

hrs in excruciating pain...you get the picture. I took a vicodin

while I waited, so by the time he saw me I was pretty mellow. Then

his PA/intern started poking & moving my arm & shoulder. Asking

questions, etc. I am mentionng this cause I just wanted to share an

interesting realization for me. She asked if I had had any other

joint problems. I told her about rheumotoid (sp) arthritis, osteo

arthitis in knees, etc. I mentioned that my weight had not helped

with these problems (okay, that was my age old defensiveness about

being MO in affect). Now I had already told her I had had gastric

bypass surgery. After I told her about my joint problems, she asked

me, " well what are you going to do about your weight? " (I'll get back

to what I allowed that question to do to my psyche) I told her I had

gastic bypass surgery. She asked if it had done any good. Now I

know she doesn't know me, never saw me before, & yes I am 214 pounds -

okay, but boy oh boy did I not shrink into a tiny speck of dirt. I

know I was more vulnerable because I was in pain, but this just

devestated me. Then she asked me how could i get adequate nutrition

if I had bypass surgery. At that point all I could say was that I

did.

After that my PCP came in, poked me some more, decided I needed xrays

before he gave me a shot to make sure nothing else was going on. Had

to wait 1/2 hr for the xray technician to call me in. In the mean

time the poking & bending & raising of the arm put me back in the

excruciating pain place - negating all of the little work the vicodin

had begun to render.

In the end, I got the cortizone shot, with instuctions to take the

vicodin today & told I should be either much improved by Wed or

worse, in which case I need to come back in. I came home, canceled

my clients for the day, ate a hot pocket, took the vicodin, & went to

bed. I felt a lot better immediately after the shot but still in a

lot of pain. I woke up about an hour ago, saying to myself - " I'm

gonna live, I'm gonna live " - LOL Yeah, you got it, much improved.

What I learned from today was that WE have to KNOW how far we have

come & to NOT let anyone else cause us to feel like failures. I

cannot tell you how the PA's words cut through me like a sword. It

was driving home in tears from the physical pain & the hurt &

humilation of her words when I realized that I am a success, I have

done an excellent job, & NOBODY & NOBODY'S words can take that away

from me.

Thank you all for your kind words, emails, help, & prayers & for

listening & being there.

Lorraine