Re: Failing miserably - [My response is LONG - Sorry!]

[Guest guest]

I have pretty much kept my mouth shut on this issue, because everyone, and

their " tool " is different. But, I have to speak up now. WLS IS JUST A TOOL.

You cannot fix anything with just one tool in your toolbox. The wise person

will put all the tools they need in their tool box to fix any problem. For

successful weight loss, with WLS, you need to add the tools of " support, "

" supplementation, " and " behavior modification. " Maybe some others,

depending on your circumstances. For me, behavior modification was the real

monkey wrench in my toolbox. This meant therapy, lots of it, over the last

21+ years. I had to get to the bottom of the issues that made me behave the

way I did. I had to learn to eat when I had real hunger, and not head

hunger. I had to learn to replace cravings with things that were, if not

" good " for me, with things that were at least not detrimental to my goal,

and to my health. I had to learn that no one controlled me but me, and no

one was putting me in a choke hold and shoving food in my mouth, but me. I

had to stop placing blame and making excuses. I had to MAKE MYSELF get out

and walk 15 minutes after a meal. And I had to learn to enjoy life to the

fullest, take the gifts that God has given me, and be the best person I know

how to be. Am I a " know-it-all " ? Probably. Am I successful? YOU BETCHA!

And, I'm a lazy person, by nature. If I can do it, you can too. Just use ALL

of the tools you have to use. If you don't have all of your tools, start

shopping to get them.

Jac

[Guest guest]

Alice, what a beautiful letter. Yes, you must post more often!

in NJ

************************

> Cindy,

>

> Thank you for your response. You have said so well what many of us

have and are experiencing. We have so many years behind us of

feeling and believing that we are " no good " ... a failure .. weak-

willed ... all the many things and thoughts that get projected on to

people who don't fit society's definition of " normal " ... that we

incorporate this value system into our own thoughts about our

selves. Postive self-esteem becomes almost non-existent.

>

> I personally believe that the " science of obesity " is still very

much in its infancy. Many [too many!!] years ago when I was in

college and working on my master's thesis, I had the occasion and

opportunity to spend some time doing research at a state " mental

hospital. " In the course of my research, I learned of a patient who

was 69 years old at the time I met her. She had been committed to

the state hospital at age 14 because she had " fits " and had spent the

rest of her life there. Her diagnosis was epilepsy!!! And her

committal was based on the ignorance of the disease of epilepsy that

existed when she was 14 years old. I often feel that the present

knowledge of obesity is somewhat similar ... we get committed to a

lifetime of ridicule and humiliation ... much of which is based on

ignorance.

>

> But there's an important " positive " here. In the course of dealing

with the derision and rejection that we have experienced as " obese "

beings, we develop wisdom and compassion for other people [and

hopefully, for ourselves!!] far beyond the ordinary. I know it

sounds trite, but I have met some of the finest people in my life who

were or are obese. No, I am not suggesting that only the obese are

wise and compassionate ... no not at all. I don't believe that any

of us who have experienced the pain of being obese would wish that on

anyone else. What I'm saying is that it has given us the opportunity

to " take lemons and make lemonade. " And as we work with the gift of

gastric bypass surgery we kind of have to retrace some steps and

shore up feelings about ourselves. In the course of this process,

and I can speak only for myself, I have had to re-think and re-look

at myself and how I " meet " my world. I have come to realize that my

weight and how it fluctuates do not define who I am

> any more than whether my eyes are blue or brown ... or my hair is

blond or jet black.

>

> I had GBS in November 2001. I lost about 100 pounds.Then I stopped

losing and have been swimming upstream just to maintain. I recently

found out that I have a staple line disruption and food is leaking

from my new stomach into my old stomach allowing me to eat much more

food than GBS people can usually eat. I'm scheduled for surgery in

January 2004 to repair this. But in the almost year and a half that

I've been playing around with the same 5 or 10 pounds, I've really

had to face my feelings of being a " failure " ... of somehow believing

that once again I've " screwed up " ... the list goes on and on. But

in this process, I've also come to make peace with myself ... For the

first time in my entire life, I can honestly say I like who I am ...

and at my current weight, I am still classified as " morbidly obese " !

>

> I'm sorry this is so long ... but I guess what I'm trying to say to

anyone out there who might find it helpful ... be kind to

yourselves. Who knows why we are fat while others are skinny? And

does it really make all the difference our society tells us it does?

Are we really " lesser " people because our size was " outside " the

norm? And alternatively, are we really " better " people because we're

thinner?

>

> Apart from health issues which are a very important factor for many

of us who sought GBS and have had GBS, I think we're like most others

walking the planet. We laugh when we're happy and we cry when we're

sad! I know that having lost a sustantial amount of weight [with more

to go!!] I have felt free-er to discover more about who I really

am ... and this is a joyful thing. But learning to love myself ...

however and whatever I " look " like ... is the motor that empowers my

life.

>

> I just have such warm feelings for the courageous and kind people

who " populate " this group ... and I've never personally met any of

you! I tend to be more of a lurker [for almost 3 years now] than a

writer ... but I'm trying to change that because I really want

to " give back " a little of what I've received. As Dr. Seuss says in

one of his books [for children!!] " Be who you are and say what you

think because those who matter don't mind and those who mind, don't

matter! "

>

> Thanks for listening!

>

> ALICE

>

[Guest guest]

I can only say that this is exactly what each of us needs to hear and

understand. No matter where we are at on the journey, we all have to

deal at some time with these " demons " whether they be food or whatever.

Thanks so much for writing this, it spoke to me in a profound way.

M

> Cindy,

>

> Thank you for your response. You have said so well what many of us

have and are experiencing. We have so many years behind us of feeling

and believing that we are " no good " ... a failure .. weak-willed ...

all the many things and thoughts that get projected on to people who

don't fit society's definition of " normal " ... that we incorporate

this value system into our own thoughts about our selves. Postive

self-esteem becomes almost non-existent.

>

> I personally believe that the " science of obesity " is still very

much in its infancy. Many [too many!!] years ago when I was in

college and working on my master's thesis, I had the occasion and

opportunity to spend some time doing research at a state " mental

hospital. " In the course of my research, I learned of a patient who

was 69 years old at the time I met her. She had been committed to the

state hospital at age 14 because she had " fits " and had spent the rest

of her life there. Her diagnosis was epilepsy!!! And her committal

was based on the ignorance of the disease of epilepsy that existed

when she was 14 years old. I often feel that the present knowledge of

obesity is somewhat similar ... we get committed to a lifetime of

ridicule and humiliation ... much of which is based on ignorance.

>

> But there's an important " positive " here. In the course of dealing

with the derision and rejection that we have experienced as " obese "

beings, we develop wisdom and compassion for other people [and

hopefully, for ourselves!!] far beyond the ordinary. I know it sounds

trite, but I have met some of the finest people in my life who were or

are obese. No, I am not suggesting that only the obese are wise and

compassionate ... no not at all. I don't believe that any of us who

have experienced the pain of being obese would wish that on anyone

else. What I'm saying is that it has given us the opportunity to

" take lemons and make lemonade. " And as we work with the gift of

gastric bypass surgery we kind of have to retrace some steps and shore

up feelings about ourselves. In the course of this process, and I can

speak only for myself, I have had to re-think and re-look at myself

and how I " meet " my world. I have come to realize that my weight and

how it fluctuates do not define who I am

> any more than whether my eyes are blue or brown ... or my hair is

blond or jet black.

>

> I had GBS in November 2001. I lost about 100 pounds.Then I stopped

losing and have been swimming upstream just to maintain. I recently

found out that I have a staple line disruption and food is leaking

from my new stomach into my old stomach allowing me to eat much more

food than GBS people can usually eat. I'm scheduled for surgery in

January 2004 to repair this. But in the almost year and a half that

I've been playing around with the same 5 or 10 pounds, I've really had

to face my feelings of being a " failure " ... of somehow believing that

once again I've " screwed up " ... the list goes on and on. But in this

process, I've also come to make peace with myself ... For the first

time in my entire life, I can honestly say I like who I am ... and at

my current weight, I am still classified as " morbidly obese " !

>

> I'm sorry this is so long ... but I guess what I'm trying to say to

anyone out there who might find it helpful ... be kind to yourselves.

Who knows why we are fat while others are skinny? And does it really

make all the difference our society tells us it does? Are we really

" lesser " people because our size was " outside " the norm? And

alternatively, are we really " better " people because we're thinner?

>

> Apart from health issues which are a very important factor for many

of us who sought GBS and have had GBS, I think we're like most others

walking the planet. We laugh when we're happy and we cry when we're

sad! I know that having lost a sustantial amount of weight [with more

to go!!] I have felt free-er to discover more about who I really am

.... and this is a joyful thing. But learning to love myself ...

however and whatever I " look " like ... is the motor that empowers my life.

>

> I just have such warm feelings for the courageous and kind people

who " populate " this group ... and I've never personally met any of

you! I tend to be more of a lurker [for almost 3 years now] than a

writer ... but I'm trying to change that because I really want to

" give back " a little of what I've received. As Dr. Seuss says in one

of his books [for children!!] " Be who you are and say what you think

because those who matter don't mind and those who mind, don't matter! "

>

> Thanks for listening!

>

> ALICE