20 months postop

September 29, 2003

Today it has been 20 months since my lap RNY surgery. Over the

past 6 months I started getting lax with my food choices and portion

sizes. I started to eat more and more sugar and simple

carbohydrates. It was setting off more & more cravings for sugar.

The old insanity of obsessing over " when I'd get my next sugar fix "

had reappeared. I felt hopeless. I had gained 10 lbs. with no stop

in site. My thinnest pants no longer fit. I felt despair.

Then I hit a new " bottom " . I realized that even though I was no

longer morbidly obese (right now), that I still had the underlying

eating disorder of a compulsive overeater. The surgery, while it

being a FABULOUS TOOL, did not cure my disease (emotional, physical,

& spiritual as described in Overeaters Anonymous). I knew this

preop that it wasn't a " cure all " but fantasized postop that I could

eventually eat " like normal people " , being satisfied with small

amounts of sweets & junk. At first, it worked. But now, it doesn't!

So I have realized that my sugar addiction preop is still there

postop. I returned to OA meetings and feel more at peace now. For

today, I accept that snacking & desserts set off obsessive and

compulsive behavior in me. For today, (One Day at a Time), I choose

to eat 3 healthy meals without desserts.

Oh how I wish that I was like those of you who can eat moderate

portions of junk. I AM NOT one of you, and I don't want to prove it

to myself anymore!!!! I now have 3+ weeks of healthy eating and

have lost 7 of the 10 lbs. that I gained over the past 3-5 months.

My obsessive thoughts of sugar and snacking have drastically

diminished though aren't totally gone.

Here's my recommendation to early postops: Stay away from

your " trigger foods " , those foods that you use to binge on. It

isn't worth it!!!! Trust me on this one! Develope good exercise

habits beginning preoperatively with walking or water gentle

aerobics.

I don't ever want to be morbidly obese again. I've talked to

others who have gained most of their weight back and I am determined

to remain successful with this bypass gift tool that I cherish. It

has changed my life. I am healthy!!!!

Suzanne (photog4fun)

http://geocities.com/now_thin (my story) & (for pictures only)

p=999 & gid=1796998 & uid=967258

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