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HMO Medical Insurance Explained

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, " HEY MOE. "

Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by

Moe of the Three Stooges, who

discovered that a patient could be made to

forget about the pain in his foot if he was

poked hard enough in the eyes.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it

be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing

your parents. Your insurer will provide you

with a book listing all the doctors in the

plan. These doctors basically fall into two

categories -- those who are no longer accepting

new patients, and those who will see you but

are no longer participating in the plan. But

don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still

in the plan and accepting new patients has an

office just a half-day's drive away, and a

diploma from a Third World country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-

certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting

conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require

any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative

forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of

payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs,

but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic

Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache.

What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my

doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can

a general practitioner really perform a heart

transplant right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all

you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's

no harm in giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be different in the next

century?

A. No. But if you call right now, you might get

an appointment by then.

Jac

Life is not a spectator sport

Picture It Digital Designs

XXX Farm Paint Horses

Mail to: jholdaway@...

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