Telling parents their kids are fat -- any age

[Guest guest]

Let me offer a different perspective on the BMI reporting issue... I really,

really wish that they had been doing this when I was a young teenager. My mother

told me over and over again that I was fat, F-A-T, hippo-size, big, never going

to get married, never going to be loved by anyone with a brain, never going to

fit into a prom dress... and my dad chimed in with the lovely (and permanent)

nickname " Thunder Thighs " . Hello?? I was 5'3 " , 122 pounds, 16 years old, and

about two months postpartum from my first baby! I wore size 10 petite (in

today's sizes, about a size 6), and I was lighter than I am now as a very

successful post-op. I *felt fat* because I had friends who were shaped like

boys, had bones as thick as blue jay bones, and who wore size 0 and size 2

compared to my hourglass shape with nice hips and real 34D boobs, and decent

strong bones befitting my Polish farmer ancestry.

Maybe, just maybe, if I'd gotten my BMI and a BMI chart next to my grades,

something would have clicked and I would have seen my parents for the neurotic,

cruel people that they were at the time. Because they were also telling me all

the time how stupid and lazy I was... but that report card would have had a BMI

of 21 or 22 (dead normal) and the usual string of As in Advanced Placement and

Honors classes. I wasn't FAT -or- STUPID, I just had parents who were completely

out of touch with reality and a mother who was completely obsessed with her own

weight issues... while she was calling all 122 pounds of ME " fat " , she weighed

well over 280 pounds and wore size 28 jeans.

Hearing this stuff over and over again and having my self-esteem damaged beyond

repair (judging by my continuing struggle at age 36 to value my efforts and

accomplishments correctly) never made me stupid; lazy is arguable, but without

question, at my 54.9 BMI peak, I was FAT. I would have seen through the lies 14

years earlier if someone in a position of authority, and who was charged with

helping ensure children's welfare as schools are, had told me that I was SMART

and of NORMAL weight. Don't know if I would have actually gone on to avoid

becoming fat, but I wouldn't have felt like such a complete failure for so many

years.

Oh, and please, don't tell me that parents already know their kids are fat. No,

they don't. I've heard the following slightly defensive statements in the last

two months from parents at my daughter's daycare, a class of 24 3.5 year olds

that has three kids that are already obviously fat. (For comparison, my daughter

who is very healthy, if a bit tall, is 41 " tall and weighs 36.5 pounds naked

before breakfast). :-)

a) " She's really short for her age. " (Really? 2 " shorter than Joanne, but well

over 50 pounds already. Hmmm)

" He's going through a growth spurt. " (This was a kid who is 1 " taller than my

daughter, two days older, who already literally cannot fit his bottom in his car

seat that's supposed to last until he's 80 pounds and *8* years old. I'm sorry,

this kid's FAT. I overheard his mother telling one of the teachers that he

weighs " almost 70 " pounds in a bragging tone of voice). Because he doesn't fit,

they are letting this 3.5 year old ride in a regular seatbelt without any car

seat... Washington state law requires car seats until 6 years of age. Being fat

may kill this kid before he is 5 years old, but I watched his mother leave him a

pair of Hostess cupcakes, rushing to explain to me " he's always hungry after the

snacks here " even though I didn't say anything, and even though the snacks are

age-appropriate portions of fruit, cheese, and water. Hmmm. But she knows he's

fat, so it's OK. Call me a busybody, but I have called the police twice with her

license plate as she's left school with him in just a seat belt, breaking the

law and endangering his life. I hope she gets the $200 ticket even though I'm

not sure that will drive her to hunt for a booster seat that will fit him.

c) " He shouldn't have to play outside. He would rather play with the Lego. "

(Again, this kid is 3.5. That age is the most tricycle-driven, ready to run,

begging to climb age... except that when asked, he will tell you his knees hurt

and then he will tell you that his granny says he's a " big boy " . Weight,

reported by his mother, 65 pounds, height, 38 " which is 3 " shorter than Joanne).

Every single one of these parents, out of a class of 24 kids, denies that their

kid has a problem to the teachers and I think to themselves. Joanne knows

there's something wrong with them, and about the " growth spurt " kid, she said,

" Mommy, [name] is big like you were. Will he have to have surgery on his insides

someday? " You know, she's never cruel to the fat kids because she remembers

(vaguely) when I was fat, but that makes me want to weep. And sometimes I want

to smack the crap out of these parents, and/or show them my 310 pound photos and

ask them if they want their kids to need gastric bypasses before they get to

high school. Because on this track, those three will, but the parents are

already in deep denial and/or confuse food with love. Maybe I see it more

clearly than some because I am sensitive to it, but I feel really intolerant of

this sort of parenting -- to me, it's child abuse since three year olds are NOT

usually in charge of what they eat... they might beg to go to Mc's every

day but at three, they don't have car keys OR money and can be told NO plain and

simple. Maybe BMI recorded somewhere official for these kids, with a BMI chart

showing normal BMIs for the average heights of kids Joanne's age, would be a

wake-up call so the poor kids with neglectful parents wouldn't have to be

" embarrassed " by what they will already know come high school.

Z

Open RNY 09/17/01

310/126/140 (goal was 160)

http://www.ziobro.us/index.html