Completely OT..but funny!!

[Guest guest]

Questions and Answers from the first nutrition expert I've found who seems to

make sense:

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Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them

on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not

make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by

driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.

And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient

mechanism of delivering

vegetables to your system Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source

of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of

your recommended daily

allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all

know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal,

mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they

are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right?

My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.

If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise

program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain....Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact,

they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only

be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food

and diets. Have a cookie ... flour is a veggie! One more thing... " When life

hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and some salt. "

[Guest guest]

OMG!! That is the funniest thing I have heard this week!!!

Danna B.:-)

Lap RNY 7/2/02

Dr. Ferrari - Houston, TX

320/190/160

-130lbs.

[Guest guest]

Sue, this was a true laugh riot. ROTFLMAO !! More, more !

Carol A