Just plain dealing with people...

[Guest guest]

I think we can all agree with the fact that our fat was a safe-haven

that allowed us to not have to deal with many of life's issues,

including sex and men.

We had another set of issues to deal with, but those issues only

involved us and our own internal set of problems. Now we have to

deal with some of those AND those external issues flying at us from

other sources.

Some of us are better at that then others. For some of us the

surgery enables us to be strong and to finally develop better coping

mechanisms (other than eating to build the protective " fat wall " .)

Losing the weight allows us to love ourselves more ergo being able

to be more forgiving of others. Funny how gracious and forgiving we

can become when we are happier.

For me, many of life's issues that caused insecurities, depression

(undealt with anger in most cases), and the desire to hide dropped

down in my list of priorites. Those issues were replaced with

excitement, energy, love of life again and the desire to run like

the caged tiger set free from his cage.

In general I just became a person I myself like better and because

of something in the psyche books called " Projection " , others like me

better and are not afraid of me.

I often have to remind myself to " strip " people of their fears and

defenses, make a friend out of them, and trust will begin to grow.

The irony here is that the smaller person I have become has to be

the " bigger " person (again!). But it works like a charm.

When I read what I just said above it smacks of arrogance a bit, but

the beauty of it is that I now have choices. Stay...or walk away

with my head held high.

Love and hugs,

Carol G.

>

>

>

> > > Not only do men treat me differently... women do

> > > to. They actually look me in the eye now, and they

> > > actually start conversations with me also.

> >

> > How does that make you feel?

> >

> > What is your immediate reaction to this behavior?

>

> When I was about 80-100 pounds out, people were saying stuff all

the time to

> me---and I noticed a difference in how strangers noticed me now.

At first,

> I was angry, thinking that I am the same person I was when I was

fat, why is

> it they only notice me now that I have a cute figure??? Now, I

chalk it up

> to that is how society is---fat people are ignored. I was ignored

when I

> was fat, even in the SCA and other groups I belong to. The way I

can change

> this problem is to make sure I don't treat overweight people that

way----I

> go out of my way (not obnoxiously) to look people in the eye, I'll

strike up

> conversation in line, just small talk but nontheless, I make an

effort to

> treat all people the same. AND, if the opportunity presents

itself, I tell

> people that I've had bariatric surgery and let them know how

wonderfully

> it's changed my life. I was in JoAnn Fabrics the other day, and I

over

> heard some ladies talking about the SCA and Pennsic (it's the

medieval

> re-creation society I belong to and Pennsic is one of the major

events of

> the year) I came over and started talking to them---they were all

super

> morbidly obese so when they asked me how I dealt with the heat and

walking

> issues at Pennsic, that's when I brought up my surgery, I told

them before

> surgery, I couldn't deal with those issues---after surgery, they

are now non

> issues. We probably talked about the surgery and how I've dealt

with it for

> an hour and a half. They had all heard about bariatric surgery,

one had

> even looked into it--but they were scared. Now that they've

talked to

> someone that's been through it---they are all calling to set up an

> appointment---which is wonderful because they all have serious

> co-morbidities and this could help them so much!

>

> One issue that's been more difficult for me is how men react to

me. I went

> kareokeing the other night with some girlfriends and for the first

time in

> who knows how many years, I had at least 4 different men hitting

on me.

> Now, they were all drunken scumbags---but it was weird because I

could have

> been the only woman at the bar before and they wouldn't have even

seen me.

> I kinda wish I still had that invisibility after those creeps,

LOL! I do

> notice that customers at work are more receptive to me now also.

Women that

> I know are kinda strange about my weight loss---some are very

supportive and

> very happy for me---others are now all of a sudden threatened by

me---they

> seem to stick closer to their husbands/boyfriends when I'm around--

-like I'm

> gonna steal them now because I'm thin???? Those people, I don't

bother

> with. I am the same person (basically) that I was pre-op,

although I do

> have more self confidence than I used to--if I wasn't a man

stealer then, I

> certainly not one now! My morals didn't disappear with my weight,

you know?

> All in all, it's been a strange ride----I'm actually looking

forward to my

> 20th high school reunion next year----I wouldn't have gone were I

still

> fat---now I won't miss it for the world! I haven't seen most of

my high

> school buddies in years, and the last time I did see them I was

huge, so it

> should be fun to see the reactions!

>

> As for how it makes me feel when people treat me differently now---

it does

> make me sad that I'm now worthy of the attention of the people who

didn't

> acknowledge my existence when was fat----but it is how society is

> taught----thin is in, as they say---people are judged everyday on

their

> looks and not on their character---whether they are thin or fat or

ugly or

> beautiful. It's just more noticable with overweight people cause

there are

> more of us that are overweight than there are super models out

there. All I

> can do to help with change is to continue to appreciate people for

who they

> are inside---and to teach my children to do the same. That

includes

> sex/race/religion----it's all the same thing. Tolarence should be

shown to

> all people no matter who they are, what they look like, who they

love, what

> god they worship and so on. If we all take the effort to remember

that in

> everything we do, we'll make a difference for fat people and all

the others

> who are treated badly by the world!

>

> :-)

> Open RNY June 4th, 2002

> Cleveland Center for Bariatric Surgery

> Dr. Sonpal

> 285/140/where ever my body decides to stop!!