Failing miserably

[Guest guest]

I don't know where my willpower is lately, I think it's on

vacation. I generally do well during the day, but then at night I

become obsessed with snacking. I feel like I eat the right things

(most of the time) But I even over do them. I try to snack on

cottage cheese or pork rinds, but I feel like I overeat them. I am

able to eat ALOT more than I used to be, and it scares the bejeebers

out of me. I almost wished I was one of the ones that throw up, but

honestly I never have been. Maybe the first month and that's it. I

am terrified I am gonna weigh 311 again, or more. But it seems like

the more I think about NOT eating, the more I wind up in the kitchen

for " just a bite " of something. I've tried loading on water....does

not work. I've tried the " nothing after 6pm " ...does not work...I

feel like I am STARVING after 6pm. I know it's mental hunger, but

mental or not, it ends by me being in the kitchen eating something I

don't really need. I know you guys will be the ones to give me the

kick in the butt I need. I live alone, and there is nobody here to

see me when I " cheat " This is the lowest I have felt about myself

since my surgery (11/01) I've gotta do something fast. My nurse

swears that it is impossible for me to gain my weight back. But I'm

up 10 lbs, and I'm not sure that it's not gonna get worse. Please

help me. Thank you, Pam