Think I just hit my brick wall

[Guest guest]

So today was meant to be my first day on soft foods. I still have my

splint in but I am on much less tight elastics so my doctor told me I

could have pasta, scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes and the like. So

there I am at lunchtime preparing one of my all time favorites,

scrambled eggs with melted mozzarella cheese. And I'm so happy

because I have been looking forward to this day for so long. Then I

sit down and try to eat the food and I CAN'T. I couldn't get the

spoon into my mouth because my mouth wouldn't open wide enough and I

was using the tiniest of baby spoons. So discouraging. The thing is

with soup all I had to do was poke that spoon in a bit and then I

could suck in the soup into my mouth and swallow. Well when I tried

doing that with the scrambled eggs (that were also slightly

blenderized) I nearly choked myself. And then before I knew it the

tears started to well up inside of me and I started crying. I have

never cried as much in my whole life as I have been crying over the

past 10 days and I'm starting to get really sick of it. Today was the

worst because I didn't even feel better after I had my cry. I just

felt so frustrated. I CAN'T FEED MYSELF. I have never felt so

hopeless. I know I'm being overly dramatic and that eventually I'll

be able to open my jaw wider and wider but right now I just feel that

I'm stuck with this jaw that doesn't open much and I feel horrible.

Plus, to top it off as my swelling is going down my face seems longer

and longer to me and I don't like it one bit. I hate being so

ungrateful and unaccepting. I've tried to keep a really positive

attitude throughout this whole process because I know it's key to a

good recovery but today I just can't do it. My brick wall is sitting

right in front of me and I'm trying to figure out how to get over it.

For now I've totally lost my appetite.

Sorry to be such a miserable poster today guys but I just feel so

sad. I know it will pass soon. Thanks for listening.

Sara