Guest guest Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 I was just reading some of the posts on www.chronicbabe.com, and I'm thinking this is a good site. I'm not young, and I'm sure not a "babe," but I can still relate to these issues. This is an excerpt from a post on "How do you shake the sick-person mentality?" This is EXACTLY the issue I'm currently struggling with. I really think I need to find a change in focus, and it's very difficult. I feel like I acquired a hyper-focus on my illness because that was absolutely necessary for many years. I also am seeing that I've developed a negative and pessimistic and fearful mindset that greets me every morning and dictates all aspects of my life. I have good times, but the negativity and fear are ALWAYS just below the surface, even if others don't see it.For SOOOOO long, I pursued treatment options, was hopeful and optimistic about them, and was shot down EVERY time when treatments didn't work. It broke my spirit. I think it's understandable that this turned into a negative, illness-focused outlook. I wasn't like this before, and now I don't know how to change, but I want to.I know that part of it is that I feel guilty if I allow myself to enjoy life within this illness, because I'm on disability and I feel that, if I'm not pulling my weight in society, I don't DESERVE to focus on anything else, much less have FUN or FULFILLMENT in areas outside of "illness". A mean voice inside of me always says "if you're well enough to laugh, go to a movie, etc., then you're well enough to GET A JOB." It's terrible, but I can't shake it.Part of it is also self-protection. - If I just stay negative, I won't be disappointed again (ok - devastated and traumatized) by the continuing obstacles, losses, unpredictable setbacks, etc.I was especially interested in the part about disability, because I have also felt guilty for enjoying myself, spending money, taking a trip (even the trip to Chicago in October with my daughters to join in the Hike for Lung Health). I don't think I've ever brought it up here, in all these years, yet here it is, on another website. Y'all have got to check this forum out & tell me what you think! Ramblin' RoseModerator COLTS ROCK! (Jets pffbbtt!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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