Re: Re: my daughter is driving me crazy

[Guest guest]

Tonya,

I agree with Jodi, and you might want to look into sign language. I know that

is what we are in the process of doing with . When they are so

frustrated and can't tell you what they want with words, sign language gives

them a way until they can. It's worth a try. Good luck! Oh, and talking about

kids with tantrums. I have a 6 1/2 year old that has ADHD and boy is he giving

me trouble now. He's not real good with change and since he started school he

has been fighting me tooth and nail. I have scratch marks on my leg and bruises

on my arm from him. It takes everything in me to control him. I am about to

take him to a psychiatrist to see if I can get into anger management.

Tammy

Jodi Zwain wrote:

Tonya,

I have thought and thought about your message. I have tried to come

up with ways to help. One thing that I was able to put together is

that you mentioned Aubrey's speech skills are delayed. BINGO! That

is part of what is going on. I'm sure that she is somewhat

frustrated by that, especially if she is excelling in other areas.

A speech delay, no matter how minor, can affect behavior, most

definitely.

The second thought I had was to get your hand on the book " 123

Magic. " It was a godsend for me both at home and in the classroom.

I know you said that Aubrey's teachers do not mention any problems

and that is frequently the case. Kids can hold back their behavior

and be " good " for only so long and then when they get home where it

is safe to act out, they do. Lucky us. But if you try a method

such as that described by Dr. Phelan, and you hang in there and are

consistent, I think you will find it makes a difference.

One other thought...I would be very interested to find out more

about RSS kids and their social skills. There are more than a few

parents who have commented on their RSS children being more self-

absorbed, not as social as their peers, preferring to play alone. I

know this has been the case with Max. (He is getting better,

finally.) I don't know if it is the PDD-like tendencies that the

kids have - meaning they have some characteristics of PDD without

having the actual diagnosis or enough to make that diagnosis. But

what you are describing is not unusual for our kids.

I hope that in some way I am helping you here. There is no magic

remedy. I'll bet, however, that once Aubrey's communication skills

improve, you will see other behaviors improve as well. There is a

definite connection.

Jodi Z

[Guest guest]

Hi Tonya,

Dakoda is 5 and very much a terror lately , he's a sweet and loving child until

he doesn't get his way and then its starts , tantrums , head banging and

screaming. Timeout doesnt work with him, and spanking only makes it worse and I

hate doing that anyway. I know with his sister, 11yrs old, if she doesnt pay him

any attention he retalliates by hitting her , pinching.

He has always found people falling or getting hurt , very funny , and then he

attempts to imitate them, I have always found this odd.At school they always say

he is an angel, and helps the other smaller kids with their needs. They tell me

they can't see him being mean. so I know hes got them conned. Thank God hes good

at school though.

Hope you get answers, and good luck

Sheryl

le wrote:

Hi Tonya,

I am going thru the same thing with Coby. This behavior started

almost 18 months ago and I am STILL trying to get it under control.

Coby has violent outbursts, kicks, screams, throws things, bites,

and pinches. He only has a couple of kinds of toys that he will

play with and seems to obsess on them. I am still undecided about

Coby's play. He does NOT do any imaginary play and very rarely

plays WITH others. He may play side by side with his twin, but most

times not actually with her. He has a very low attention span and

can not sit still to listen to a book.

Coby has RSS and his twin sister Carlee does not. They will be 3 in

October. I also have 2 older children, Shye 10 and Brock 8. I have

a Child Development Associate Certification, taken multiple

redirecting behaviors classes and seminars, and worked in day care

for the past 10 years, 5 of those while owning my own. After all of

that I still can NOT figure out how to control Coby.

It is SOOOO frustrating!!! The doctors continue to ask, " do all of

your kids act this way, " or blame it on my discipline practices. I

know that I am doing the same thing I have done with all my children

and it does NOT work with Coby. I have always been able to tell

that his outbursts and anger were different.

I use time outs. (He has such a high tolerense for pain that

spanking him does not phase him.) I use a booster seat now that has

a lap belt in it with a tray on it, but when I first started I had

to use a car seat. It was the only thing that I could keep him in.

I didn't see any results until I found something I could sit him in

and then go about my routine. He could sit there and scream and

kick all he wanted and the household stayed on track. Once he gets

control of his self and calms down then I let him out. I should add

that he is in the same room with me. He sees me and the other kids

and that we continue to do whatever we were doing. I don't lock him

up and keep him in another room…hmmmm there's a thought...HEHEHEHE

After doing exactly the same thing every time Coby does something

wrong for the past 18 months, I have seen little progress.

Example: While camping Coby would be in the sand with all the other

kids and instead of playing with them he would throw sand at them.

EVERYTIME he threw sand he was put in a time out in his booster

seat. We actually started keeping count on the 3rd day and we lost

count that evening at 16 times he had been put in time out. Ok, can

you be more consistent then that??? He still never comprehended

that if he threw sand he would get in trouble. He is a very

intelligent little boy, so I don't think that it is that, but it's

just like he doesn't get it.

Carlee has always been a sweet easy child; however, the last month

with her has changed as well. I feel like her changes are normal

and age appropriate though. She is trying to learn her boundaries

and see what she can and can not get away with. Once she is

disciplined for the behavior she rarely tries it again. I think

that is the difference between her and Coby. She learns from her

mistakes.

Coby goes to Riley Children's Hospital on Tuesday for an evaluation

at their behavioral center. He will see a MD and a psychiatrist. I

pray that we get some kind of results. It is to the point that our

family outings have become too much for me to handle. I am the only

one that can handle Coby, so I spend the day fighting him and

missing what my other children are getting to do and enjoy.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you, but hopefully you can

find some comfort in the fact that Aubrey is not the only one acting

this way. If you ever want to talk or vent please don't hesitate to

message me. I truly do understand exactly how you feel.

le

[Guest guest]

Hi

You are welcome, but I tell you I went through every thing first before I

found this worked. In fact I read books like crazy, but this idea evolved on

my own. After all that money and time on the books!!

Oh well, live and learn I always say.

Debby

my daughter is driving me crazy

> >

> >

> > > I haven't been posting much lately, been more of a reader. I

> have a

> > question that I hope someone will be able to give me advice on.

> Aubrey's

> > behavior is horrible. I have tried just about everything to get

> her to

> > listen. Stickers, bribes,standing in corner, taking away toys. You

> name it,

> > I've tried it. Well the thing is when she gets in trouble it

> doesn't seem to

> > phase her and she seems to throw tantrums for no apparent reason.

> It's not

> > just every now and then either, this goes on every day, several

> times a day.

> > She also seems to have more fun playing by herself than with me

> except when

> > she wants me to read her stories. However, at the daycare she goes

> to they

> > have never mentioned her acting like this. I know she excells

> doing fine

> > motor skills, but is way behind in gross motor and speech skills.

> Could this

> > just be put off as terrible two's, even though she's 3 1/2, or

> could this be

> > some sort of behavior or developmental problem. Any insight would

> be

> > appreciated as I am at the point

> > > of pulling my hair out.

> > > Thanks,

> > > Tonya mom to Aubrey

> > >

> > >

> > > __________________________________________________

> > >

[Guest guest]

Dannielle,

I was so glad to read your post and the many others. I thought I was the only

one who did the booster seat thing. I normally sit Aubrey in hers for time out

also and have to fasten it. I stay in the room too though. I feel horrible

having to do that with her b/c it's basically a restraint. She won't even sit in

her booster to eat for that reason. I've even went to the extreme of throwing

her toys away in front of her when she's acting bad. However, haven't been very

consistent with the toy throwing away b/c they are too expensive. I normally

get them out and hide them while she's not looking. How did Coby's evaluation

go? It seems like it's hard for me to get online and keep up with the posts

lately between work, school, and Aubrey.

Tonya

le wrote:

Hi Tonya,

I am going thru the same thing with Coby. This behavior started

almost 18 months ago and I am STILL trying to get it under control.

Coby has violent outbursts, kicks, screams, throws things, bites,

and pinches. He only has a couple of kinds of toys that he will

play with and seems to obsess on them. I am still undecided about

Coby's play. He does NOT do any imaginary play and very rarely

plays WITH others. He may play side by side with his twin, but most

times not actually with her. He has a very low attention span and

can not sit still to listen to a book.

Coby has RSS and his twin sister Carlee does not. They will be 3 in

October. I also have 2 older children, Shye 10 and Brock 8. I have

a Child Development Associate Certification, taken multiple

redirecting behaviors classes and seminars, and worked in day care

for the past 10 years, 5 of those while owning my own. After all of

that I still can NOT figure out how to control Coby.

It is SOOOO frustrating!!! The doctors continue to ask, " do all of

your kids act this way, " or blame it on my discipline practices. I

know that I am doing the same thing I have done with all my children

and it does NOT work with Coby. I have always been able to tell

that his outbursts and anger were different.

I use time outs. (He has such a high tolerense for pain that

spanking him does not phase him.) I use a booster seat now that has

a lap belt in it with a tray on it, but when I first started I had

to use a car seat. It was the only thing that I could keep him in.

I didn't see any results until I found something I could sit him in

and then go about my routine. He could sit there and scream and

kick all he wanted and the household stayed on track. Once he gets

control of his self and calms down then I let him out. I should add

that he is in the same room with me. He sees me and the other kids

and that we continue to do whatever we were doing. I don't lock him

up and keep him in another room…hmmmm there's a thought...HEHEHEHE

After doing exactly the same thing every time Coby does something

wrong for the past 18 months, I have seen little progress.

Example: While camping Coby would be in the sand with all the other

kids and instead of playing with them he would throw sand at them.

EVERYTIME he threw sand he was put in a time out in his booster

seat. We actually started keeping count on the 3rd day and we lost

count that evening at 16 times he had been put in time out. Ok, can

you be more consistent then that??? He still never comprehended

that if he threw sand he would get in trouble. He is a very

intelligent little boy, so I don't think that it is that, but it's

just like he doesn't get it.

Carlee has always been a sweet easy child; however, the last month

with her has changed as well. I feel like her changes are normal

and age appropriate though. She is trying to learn her boundaries

and see what she can and can not get away with. Once she is

disciplined for the behavior she rarely tries it again. I think

that is the difference between her and Coby. She learns from her

mistakes.

Coby goes to Riley Children's Hospital on Tuesday for an evaluation

at their behavioral center. He will see a MD and a psychiatrist. I

pray that we get some kind of results. It is to the point that our

family outings have become too much for me to handle. I am the only

one that can handle Coby, so I spend the day fighting him and

missing what my other children are getting to do and enjoy.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you, but hopefully you can

find some comfort in the fact that Aubrey is not the only one acting

this way. If you ever want to talk or vent please don't hesitate to

message me. I truly do understand exactly how you feel.

le