Re: Negative attitudes :-( about my weight loss

[Guest guest]

Friends you can pick'em but you cant pick there brains......As young people

like to say now a days " there is always a player hater " ....For one second put

yourself in there shoes...They are big and they see you losing weight and still

enjoying the same foods they are eating....It would make anyone insane with

jealousy....My sisters who are all slim and tormented me for years about my

weight while they ate whatever they pleased now dont say a word about my weight

loss its amazing....Here I am losing weight and not one " wow you are losing

weight " or " Lisbeth you look good " ...So now I would rather get my support from

people who know where I have been and have felt what I have felt....As for

everyone else....I dont have time for " player haters " LOL Hang in there Elle,

your 60 lb weight loss is great and I bet you looked DIVINE in your dress

tonight as for the DH birthday party make it an intimate evening for two and

call it a night!

Lisbeth

elle wrote: I just returned from a party (about 3 hours

earlier than wse usually come home) of longtime old time good time

friends...people that DH and I have vacationed with, camped with and partied

with for many years.

There were several negative comments about my weight loss and WLS in general and

one good friend (??) was

very sarcastic because I was excited about wearing a much smaller size. I am

really hurt! All these friends knew I

was having WLS for health reasons primarily and that was a good reason...but

now, that I am pleased at not only

my improving health but at the way I look with 60 lbs off, I got snippy remarks

and sarcasm.

OK - these are eating people..and many of them are over weight - several of the

women wear sizes 22-24 and rich

fatty food is the order of the day. This group is one of the reasons I chose to

have the DS - so that I would be able

to continue to do dinners and parties with them and be able to eat normally.

Tonight I got " you shouldn't have that chocolate cake " and " don't you feel

deprived " and even worse absolutely no

mention of the very obvious difference in how I look since they saw me last. I

didn't want to go into difference

between the DS and the RnY AND WHY I COULD EAT CAKE oops sorry I didn't mean to

yell but damm it sort of

pisses me off!!!!

I know it's jealously....but damm - these are adults here not little kids! My

feelings are so hutr. I handed out

invitations for the party we are having in a few weeks and for the first time in

years, most of them " are too busy " .

Our Yule party for my DH birthday is a staple of this groups holiday season but

I guess most of them won't be

coming.

I didn't expect to lose friends when I lost weight. I went tonight thinking I

would be just a little bit celebrated and

congratulated...these folks are usually full of complements for each other, for

our taste in clothes etc. I bought a

great velvet dress to wear and DH said I looked wonderful but I got exactly one

comment on that from the

daughter of a girlfriend.

Poo - what bubble busters! I'm bummed out

elle in orygun who is old enough to get over jealously....eventually

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

From another Elle.... sounds like they just can't take your good fortune.

Hold your head up high. As much as it pains you, it may give them hope that

there is a future for them.

..... Elle

p.s. Or alternately... just decide to drop them as losers you don't need

anymore

Negative attitudes :-( about my weight loss

> I just returned from a party (about 3 hours earlier than wse usually come

home) of longtime old time good time

> friends...people that DH and I have vacationed with, camped with and

partied with for many years.

>

> There were several negative comments about my weight loss and WLS in

general and one good friend (??) was

> very sarcastic because I was excited about wearing a much smaller size. I

am really hurt! All these friends knew I

> was having WLS for health reasons primarily and that was a good

reason...but now, that I am pleased at not only

> my improving health but at the way I look with 60 lbs off, I got snippy

remarks and sarcasm.

[Guest guest]

Elle in Orygun...

When I lost 95lbs on a diet two years ago, I hadn't seen my (obese)

Mom for a long time. At the end of that diet, at my lowest adult

weight ever, I went to pick my Mom up at the airport. I got a hug

and a kiss and a " You look good. Where'd you get that shirt? " and

that was IT for her entire two week visit! This, from the woman who

had told me all my life that I have " such a pretty face " ...sigh. Now

that I've gained all the weight back again she's calling me up

talking about the latest diet she's on and " do you want me to send

you the information? " (Notice I haven't told her about the surgery

yet.)

I figure she just had trouble relating to me if I didn't have a

weight problem like she does. It made her more conscious of her own

problems and it made her uncomfortable. You probably do the same to

your friends, whether or not they realize it. People have their

comfort zones. For some, part of that comfort is dependent on the

status of others. When that changes, for better or for worse, their

world is a little rocked. At least you know it's jealousy and that

they're all being a bunch of weenies. Maybe...just maybe...you're

secretly an inspiration to some of them.

Take care,

Here's a sigh to those who love me,

and a smile to those who hate;

And, whatever sky's above me,

Here's a heart for any fate.

- Byron: To

[Guest guest]

I have a similar situation with my sister. My sister and I are very close as

adults. We even work together and we spend a lot of time together outside of

work. As kids we were very competitive. She is 3 years older than me and I

always grew up being " Kim's little sister " She was very social and had tons of

friends. I was quiet and had a small group of friends. I was always advanced

in school. My sister was advanced too, but I always seemed to outdo her

academically. When we were both in college, she partied a lot and got terrible

grades. I studied a lot and became an engineer. Right out of college I got a

great job and she had none. But it was during those college years that I gained

weight. I think she always kind of liked that her body and health was something

she always had over me. No matter how much I would lose, she was always still

more active than me and always had a better body. Now things are starting to

change. She has been very supportive of me and my surgery, but I can tell it bo

thers her. She is also 9 weeks pregnant and her thin body is already starting

to show it. We both know that in the next few months she will grow bigger while

I grow smaller. We joke about it, but I know it bothers her.

It isn't that she doesn't care about me, it is just that how we fit together has

changed drastically. I know with some people in my life they liked being around

me as my weight didn't make them feel so bad about their own. Even when someone

only has 20 extra pounds to lose, it is hard to watch someone else succeed when

you just don't seem to. As much as we like some people, we still sometimes

think in the back of our head that we are better than they are because of one

particular thing. Sort of like " I may have a smoking addiction, but at least I

am not that fat. " We can justify our own faults by comparing ourselves with

someone else.

If this group of people are truely good friends, than they will come around in

time when they accept the new you. If they don't come around, they really

weren't true friends to start with. As much as I see my sister struggle with my

weight loss, she is still my best friend.

Kathy M.

DS 7/19/01

213 pre-op

146 now

[Guest guest]

Hey, you old broad---err, THINNING old broad,

My dear ol' Dad used to say: " Here's to those who wish us well, and

all the rest can go to Hell! "

*I* love ya'. I am proud as Hell of what you have accomplished. I

wish that I could be in Orygon to come to your party.

As the Brit's say: " Keep your pecker up! "

Hugz,

Steve

--

[Guest guest]

Just to jump in here....

I got married again in December of last year, 5 months after surgery, and

about 130 pounds down. I felt like I was looking pretty good....we stopped

in Texas on the way home from our honeymoon in Mexico to visit my mother and

family so they could meet my new wife.

I still had some weight, and had not yet had the bag o' fat removed from my

front. My mothers reaction was: Oh, well...it's a shame to lose all that

weight and still look fat.

Well, she's my mother, so I gotta love her....but wait till she sees me in

March when I go and visit again.

<grin>

Ford

[Guest guest]

Oh Elle,

That really sucks! I'm so sorry to hear that happened but,

unfortunately, I've heard too many stories like it. People do start

treating you differently when you lose weight. I don't know if it's

jealousy or if they just don't feel they have anything in common with

you anymore. It's hard to say but please try not to feel too bad.

They are NOT true friends if they do this to you. If you feel the

friendships are worth saving, you can always talk to them and ask

them what's up with the rude treatment. You never know, after a good

talk, they may realize what jerks they're being.

Good luck!

Tracey in Santee (San Diego)

Dr. Keshishian 11/12/01

> I just returned from a party (about 3 hours earlier than wse

usually come home) of longtime old time good time

> friends...people that DH and I have vacationed with, camped with

and partied with for many years.

>

> There were several negative comments about my weight loss and WLS

in general and one good friend (??) was

> very sarcastic because I was excited about wearing a much smaller

size. I am really hurt! All these friends knew I

> was having WLS for health reasons primarily and that was a good

reason...but now, that I am pleased at not only

> my improving health but at the way I look with 60 lbs off, I got

snippy remarks and sarcasm.

>

> OK - these are eating people..and many of them are over weight -

several of the women wear sizes 22-24 and rich

> fatty food is the order of the day. This group is one of the

reasons I chose to have the DS - so that I would be able

> to continue to do dinners and parties with them and be able to eat

normally.

>

> Tonight I got " you shouldn't have that chocolate cake " and " don't

you feel deprived " and even worse absolutely no

> mention of the very obvious difference in how I look since they saw

me last. I didn't want to go into difference

> between the DS and the RnY AND WHY I COULD EAT CAKE oops sorry I

didn't mean to yell but damm it sort of

> pisses me off!!!!

>

> I know it's jealously....but damm - these are adults here not

little kids! My feelings are so hutr. I handed out

> invitations for the party we are having in a few weeks and for the

first time in years, most of them " are too busy " .

> Our Yule party for my DH birthday is a staple of this groups

holiday season but I guess most of them won't be

> coming.

>

> I didn't expect to lose friends when I lost weight. I went tonight

thinking I would be just a little bit celebrated and

> congratulated...these folks are usually full of complements for

each other, for our taste in clothes etc. I bought a

> great velvet dress to wear and DH said I looked wonderful but I got

exactly one comment on that from the

> daughter of a girlfriend.

>

> Poo - what bubble busters! I'm bummed out

>

> elle in orygun who is old enough to get over jealously....eventually

[Guest guest]

Hi Elle,

I have not had surgery yet but I do know how people

are about weight loss. I have been dieting forever!!

My friends who are thin are usually excited and my

friends who are overweight usually don't say anything

to me about it. Also I have a sister who has been

skinny all her life. She is one year older than me.

When I told her I was having WLS, she said she was

excited for me and said that it was my body and

whatever I wanted to do she would support me. But

than she said just don't get to where you weigh less

than me. I told her " What is your size the ideal

weight " . She could be excited for me as long as I

don't get any smaller than her. All of my skinnny

friends always ask me what is your goal weight. I

don't have one yet. I have not been under 200 lbs.

for 7 or 8 years or so. Who knows where I will be

when I am done. Anyway sorry this is so long.

Congratulations on your 60 lbs. You deserve the best

because you are taking care of yourself. Don't let

them ruin your success.

M.

pre-op

01/09/02

BMI 41/ 238 lbs.

DR. K

--- elle wrote:

> I just returned from a party (about 3 hours earlier

> than wse usually come home) of longtime old time

> good time

> friends...people that DH and I have vacationed with,

> camped with and partied with for many years.

>

> There were several negative comments about my weight

> loss and WLS in general and one good friend (??)

> was

> very sarcastic because I was excited about wearing a

> much smaller size. I am really hurt! All these

> friends knew I

> was having WLS for health reasons primarily and that

> was a good reason...but now, that I am pleased at

> not only

> my improving health but at the way I look with 60

> lbs off, I got snippy remarks and sarcasm.

>

> OK - these are eating people..and many of them are

> over weight - several of the women wear sizes 22-24

> and rich

> fatty food is the order of the day. This group is

> one of the reasons I chose to have the DS - so that

> I would be able

> to continue to do dinners and parties with them and

> be able to eat normally.

>

> Tonight I got " you shouldn't have that chocolate

> cake " and " don't you feel deprived " and even worse

> absolutely no

> mention of the very obvious difference in how I look

> since they saw me last. I didn't want to go into

> difference

> between the DS and the RnY AND WHY I COULD EAT CAKE

> oops sorry I didn't mean to yell but damm it sort of

>

> pisses me off!!!!

>

> I know it's jealously....but damm - these are adults

> here not little kids! My feelings are so hutr. I

> handed out

> invitations for the party we are having in a few

> weeks and for the first time in years, most of them

> " are too busy " .

> Our Yule party for my DH birthday is a staple of

> this groups holiday season but I guess most of them

> won't be

> coming.

>

> I didn't expect to lose friends when I lost weight.

> I went tonight thinking I would be just a little bit

> celebrated and

> congratulated...these folks are usually full of

> complements for each other, for our taste in clothes

> etc. I bought a

> great velvet dress to wear and DH said I looked

> wonderful but I got exactly one comment on that from

> the

> daughter of a girlfriend.

>

> Poo - what bubble busters! I'm bummed out

>

> elle in orygun who is old enough to get over

> jealously....eventually

>

>

>

>

----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Elle- I was lucky. I haD TREMENDOUS SUPPORTY FROM ALL OF MY FRIENDS BUT ONE.

aLL of my friends are thin except for this particular one an d she was so

unsuppotive and negative about this surgery that I just couldn't remain frien

ds. My feeling ia with friends like that who needs enemies. I don't allow

negative people in my life. I was shocked at her reaction but I have many

wonderful friends and they are all happy for me and supportive and not

jealous. Those are the friends I choose to have in my life. You did a

wonderful thing for you and don't think twice about those people. You don't

need them in your life. Ellen(Pam

[Guest guest]

Elle,

I know it sucks but I can totally relate. I just lost a freind (or

so I thought) of 8 (+) years due to her inability to deal with my

happieness. See, when we met I weighted 300+ and she still weighs

300+. We both were broke, single with kids in dead end jobs. Now, 8

years later I am back in college, weigh 219 (and still losing) have a

great husband, a great job and am happy. She is still over 300lbs,

married a drunk and is unhappy. She was fine with my success until I

started losing weight. It was the straw that broke the camels back.

She emailed me this week saying she thinks I have not been a good

freind this year (that's funny- I am 8+ months post op) even though I

have went out of my way to help her more times than I can count. She

said she no longer wants to be associated with me. Hmmph. Ok. I

simply wrote her back that I was sorry she felt that way and I hope

everything worked out for her.

I equate it this way. Whenever a person changes it causes those

around them to look at themselves, and in order for the relationship

to continue to be successful both parties have to change a little.

Well, when one of the parties doesn't like what he/she sees when

he/she looks at themselves it tends to cause problems.

You will no doubt miss the close freindship of those around you and I

am sorry you are so hurt. Hopefully with time they will come around

and be more comfortable with your decision, if not you will find new

freinds.

Best of luck to you either way!

And HEY- Congratulations on the 60lbs lost!!!

lap bpd/ds

3.22.01

324/219 -105#

> I just returned from a party (about 3 hours earlier than wse

usually come home) of longtime old time good time

> friends...people that DH and I have vacationed with, camped with

and partied with for many years.

>

> There were several negative comments about my weight loss and WLS

in general and one good friend (??) was

> very sarcastic because I was excited about wearing a much smaller

size. I am really hurt! All these friends knew I

> was having WLS for health reasons primarily and that was a good

reason...but now, that I am pleased at not only

> my improving health but at the way I look with 60 lbs off, I got

snippy remarks and sarcasm.

>

> OK - these are eating people..and many of them are over weight -

several of the women wear sizes 22-24 and rich

> fatty food is the order of the day. This group is one of the

reasons I chose to have the DS - so that I would be able

> to continue to do dinners and parties with them and be able to eat

normally.

>

> Tonight I got " you shouldn't have that chocolate cake " and " don't

you feel deprived " and even worse absolutely no

> mention of the very obvious difference in how I look since they saw

me last. I didn't want to go into difference

> between the DS and the RnY AND WHY I COULD EAT CAKE oops sorry I

didn't mean to yell but damm it sort of

> pisses me off!!!!

>

> I know it's jealously....but damm - these are adults here not

little kids! My feelings are so hutr. I handed out

> invitations for the party we are having in a few weeks and for the

first time in years, most of them " are too busy " .

> Our Yule party for my DH birthday is a staple of this groups

holiday season but I guess most of them won't be

> coming.

>

> I didn't expect to lose friends when I lost weight. I went tonight

thinking I would be just a little bit celebrated and

> congratulated...these folks are usually full of complements for

each other, for our taste in clothes etc. I bought a

> great velvet dress to wear and DH said I looked wonderful but I got

exactly one comment on that from the

> daughter of a girlfriend.

>

> Poo - what bubble busters! I'm bummed out

>

> elle in orygun who is old enough to get over jealously....eventually

[Guest guest]

sorry to hear that your changes weren't

celebrated......here just for you

CHEERS!!!!! HOORAYYYY!!! YOU LOOK

MAHVELOOOUSSSS...Who is the LAdy IN red??!!!

hubba HUBBA..GOOD FOR YOU, you did it!!!

You're the best!! Keep it up, GLAD THINGS ARE

GOING YOUR WAY! It sure was a good decision for

youi to have that surgery...it suits you, in fact

THIN SUITS YOU!!!

BE HAPPY!!!!

LennyB

living a new life after BPD/DS and -120 pounds

__________________________________________________