Re: My Mom

[Guest guest]

Dee,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. You are both in my thoughts and

prayers. I too know about wanting to have your parents see you thinner,

it's really tough to see their worry when they look at you. Hang in there

and don't give up the fight with the insurance companies.

ann

My Mom

Earlier this year, I found out my Mom has been

suffering from emphyasema (sp??). She's had it for

several years but didn't want to worry the family

about it. She retired a few months ago having made it

to 65. Since I'm unable to drive to see her (she's

about 30 miles away), she was going to drive to me

after retiring. However, there's always been a reason

why she hasn't been able to so the last time I saw her

was Christmas of last year.

My brother is going to pick me up and take me Home on

Christmas Eve. He called me tonight to discuss it and

he told me how badly she's doing. I knew she had

bronchitis but thought she was getting better. She's

not. My bro said she is utterly exhausted just

walking up the 8 stairs to the bathroom. She's

sleeping downstairs on the couch because she just

can't make it up two flights of stairs. Also, she

needs to prop herself up to a sitting position to be

able to sleep/breathe and it's easier to do it on the

couch. It turns out she's been doing this long before

getting the bronchitis.

My bro warned me what she looks like. He said she's

literally dying before his eyes and it's really

painful just to watch. I'm so scared to go home. I

already have panic/anxiety attacks and the thought of

losing Mom is inconceivable. I love her so much.

What really hurts is she always wanted me to be

thinner. Healthier. When I was 7 years old, she

pointed out a girl in our neighborhood who was

probably about 200lbs. I still know the girl's name.

Mom told me if I didn't watch what I ate, I'd be as

fat as her. And I'd be as unhappy as her too.

Well, I did so much better - I'm at 311.

My Mom has supported every single diet attempt I've

ever tried. And I've seen the pain in her eyes when

I've failed. With the DS, I know this time I would

have succeeded. I've tried since July to get it and

am still fighting my insurance company. And now, it

looks like I'm not going to get it in time for Mom.

I've dreamed about the look on her face when she saw a

thinner me - the pride, the happiness, the knowledge

that I'm going to be okay. (She worries about me

alot). I know now that I won't see that look. My

father used to beg me to lose weight and he died when

I was about 250 lbs. I thought I had enough time with

Mom but it looks like I don't.

I feel so lost. I wanted her to be proud of me, not

disappointed. I'm out of time. I don't know what to

do. I can't stop crying. I don't want to outlive

her. I can't imagine life without her. She's my

touchstone.

Thanks for letting me vent.

dee

=====

Dee

Denied; Working on Appeal

311/Want to be 135

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Dee,

I'm sorry about your Mom *Hugs* As for her being proud of you...I'm

sure she is proud of you already, but she's concerned about your

health and happiness, especially considering she understands how it

feels to be unhealthy. While you may not be able to have surgery

before she leaves you, you can explain the surgery to her and let her

know that you're working with the insurance company now and you're

going to have this surgery and improve your life, even if you have to

switch insurance companies, etc! I think knowing that you are

determined to improve your health will lift a worry off her

shoulders. I will send positive vibes her way and I hope that her

health improves and all of you can enjoy your family time this

Christmas. Also, if you think seeing her not looking well will

increase your panic/anxiety, talk to your doctor beforehand about

increasing your medication so you're able to enjoy this time with

her. The last thing you want to do is not go, especially when you

don't know how much longer she'll be here with you.

*hugs*

Anita

>

> My Mom

>

> Earlier this year, I found out my Mom has been

> suffering from emphyasema (sp??). She's had it for

> several years but didn't want to worry the family

> about it. She retired a few months ago having made it

> to 65. Since I'm unable to drive to see her (she's

> about 30 miles away), she was going to drive to me

> after retiring. However, there's always been a reason

> why she hasn't been able to so the last time I saw her

> was Christmas of last year.

>

> My brother is going to pick me up and take me Home on

> Christmas Eve. He called me tonight to discuss it and

> he told me how badly she's doing. I knew she had

> bronchitis but thought she was getting better. She's

> not. My bro said she is utterly exhausted just

> walking up the 8 stairs to the bathroom. She's

> sleeping downstairs on the couch because she just

> can't make it up two flights of stairs. Also, she

> needs to prop herself up to a sitting position to be

> able to sleep/breathe and it's easier to do it on the

> couch. It turns out she's been doing this long before

> getting the bronchitis.

>

> My bro warned me what she looks like. He said she's

> literally dying before his eyes and it's really

> painful just to watch. I'm so scared to go home. I

> already have panic/anxiety attacks and the thought of

> losing Mom is inconceivable. I love her so much.

>

> What really hurts is she always wanted me to be

> thinner. Healthier. When I was 7 years old, she

> pointed out a girl in our neighborhood who was

> probably about 200lbs. I still know the girl's name.

> Mom told me if I didn't watch what I ate, I'd be as

> fat as her. And I'd be as unhappy as her too.

> Well, I did so much better - I'm at 311.

>

> My Mom has supported every single diet attempt I've

> ever tried. And I've seen the pain in her eyes when

> I've failed. With the DS, I know this time I would

> have succeeded. I've tried since July to get it and

> am still fighting my insurance company. And now, it

> looks like I'm not going to get it in time for Mom.

> I've dreamed about the look on her face when she saw a

> thinner me - the pride, the happiness, the knowledge

> that I'm going to be okay. (She worries about me

> alot). I know now that I won't see that look. My

> father used to beg me to lose weight and he died when

> I was about 250 lbs. I thought I had enough time with

> Mom but it looks like I don't.

>

> I feel so lost. I wanted her to be proud of me, not

> disappointed. I'm out of time. I don't know what to

> do. I can't stop crying. I don't want to outlive

> her. I can't imagine life without her. She's my

> touchstone.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent.

>

> dee

>

> =====

> Dee

> Denied; Working on Appeal

> 311/Want to be 135

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Dee,

I truly understand what you are feeling right now. Last December, I lost my

father after a 5 year battle with bone cancer, COPD and post-polio syndrome.

It is very hard to see a parent suffer and know that we have to go on. But

go on we do and we survive it. I thank God for every day that I had with my

father and that he was always supportive of me. He had also been obese and

supported all my diets. Sometimes we even went to WW together. I think his

death was the final straw that made me research and have the DS.

Spend the time you have with your mother and don't ever forget to tell her

how much you love her. I made sure with my father that I always let him

know how I felt and am so glad that there are no regrets on that front. I

graduated from college last December (I am 36, so it took awhile). The

ceremonies were the day after my father's funeral. I know in my heart that

he was there with me and had the best seat in the house. I also feel that

this was his, and God's, way to ensure that my whole family was able to

attend the graduation ceremonies. We so rarely get together as a group.

Know that your mother will always support you and will see your successes.

Either from here on Earth or from above. You have to believe that and it

will help you cope and adjust as life changes. My heart is with you and I

can empathize with your feelings at this time. Please let us know how you

are doing and keep us posted on your mother's condition.

M. in KC

My Mom

Earlier this year, I found out my Mom has been

suffering from emphyasema (sp??). She's had it for

several years but didn't want to worry the family

about it. She retired a few months ago having made it

to 65. Since I'm unable to drive to see her (she's

about 30 miles away), she was going to drive to me

after retiring. However, there's always been a reason

why she hasn't been able to so the last time I saw her

was Christmas of last year.

My brother is going to pick me up and take me Home on

Christmas Eve. He called me tonight to discuss it and

he told me how badly she's doing. I knew she had

bronchitis but thought she was getting better. She's

not. My bro said she is utterly exhausted just

walking up the 8 stairs to the bathroom. She's

sleeping downstairs on the couch because she just

can't make it up two flights of stairs. Also, she

needs to prop herself up to a sitting position to be

able to sleep/breathe and it's easier to do it on the

couch. It turns out she's been doing this long before

getting the bronchitis.

My bro warned me what she looks like. He said she's

literally dying before his eyes and it's really

painful just to watch. I'm so scared to go home. I

already have panic/anxiety attacks and the thought of

losing Mom is inconceivable. I love her so much.

What really hurts is she always wanted me to be

thinner. Healthier. When I was 7 years old, she

pointed out a girl in our neighborhood who was

probably about 200lbs. I still know the girl's name.

Mom told me if I didn't watch what I ate, I'd be as

fat as her. And I'd be as unhappy as her too.

Well, I did so much better - I'm at 311.

My Mom has supported every single diet attempt I've

ever tried. And I've seen the pain in her eyes when

I've failed. With the DS, I know this time I would

have succeeded. I've tried since July to get it and

am still fighting my insurance company. And now, it

looks like I'm not going to get it in time for Mom.

I've dreamed about the look on her face when she saw a

thinner me - the pride, the happiness, the knowledge

that I'm going to be okay. (She worries about me

alot). I know now that I won't see that look. My

father used to beg me to lose weight and he died when

I was about 250 lbs. I thought I had enough time with

Mom but it looks like I don't.

I feel so lost. I wanted her to be proud of me, not

disappointed. I'm out of time. I don't know what to

do. I can't stop crying. I don't want to outlive

her. I can't imagine life without her. She's my

touchstone.

Thanks for letting me vent.

dee

=====

Dee

Denied; Working on Appeal

311/Want to be 135

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Dee,

*warm hugs* Its not fair but know that your mom loves you now and you have her

now and now is what is important! I wish I could say those magical words that

could make you feel better but my skills are lacking at best...But know that my

heart does ache for you during this time! Keep your chin up and love your mom!

Lisbeth

Dee wrote: Earlier this year, I found out my Mom has

been

suffering from emphyasema (sp??). She's had it for

several years but didn't want to worry the family

about it. She retired a few months ago having made it

to 65. Since I'm unable to drive to see her (she's

about 30 miles away), she was going to drive to me

after retiring. However, there's always been a reason

why she hasn't been able to so the last time I saw her

was Christmas of last year.

My brother is going to pick me up and take me Home on

Christmas Eve. He called me tonight to discuss it and

he told me how badly she's doing. I knew she had

bronchitis but thought she was getting better. She's

not. My bro said she is utterly exhausted just

walking up the 8 stairs to the bathroom. She's

sleeping downstairs on the couch because she just

can't make it up two flights of stairs. Also, she

needs to prop herself up to a sitting position to be

able to sleep/breathe and it's easier to do it on the

couch. It turns out she's been doing this long before

getting the bronchitis.

My bro warned me what she looks like. He said she's

literally dying before his eyes and it's really

painful just to watch. I'm so scared to go home. I

already have panic/anxiety attacks and the thought of

losing Mom is inconceivable. I love her so much.

What really hurts is she always wanted me to be

thinner. Healthier. When I was 7 years old, she

pointed out a girl in our neighborhood who was

probably about 200lbs. I still know the girl's name.

Mom told me if I didn't watch what I ate, I'd be as

fat as her. And I'd be as unhappy as her too.

Well, I did so much better - I'm at 311.

My Mom has supported every single diet attempt I've

ever tried. And I've seen the pain in her eyes when

I've failed. With the DS, I know this time I would

have succeeded. I've tried since July to get it and

am still fighting my insurance company. And now, it

looks like I'm not going to get it in time for Mom.

I've dreamed about the look on her face when she saw a

thinner me - the pride, the happiness, the knowledge

that I'm going to be okay. (She worries about me

alot). I know now that I won't see that look. My

father used to beg me to lose weight and he died when

I was about 250 lbs. I thought I had enough time with

Mom but it looks like I don't.

I feel so lost. I wanted her to be proud of me, not

disappointed. I'm out of time. I don't know what to

do. I can't stop crying. I don't want to outlive

her. I can't imagine life without her. She's my

touchstone.

Thanks for letting me vent.

dee

=====

Dee

Denied; Working on Appeal

311/Want to be 135

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

dee,

your email about your mom really touched me and caused the tears to

flow......Im really sorry about this recent turn of events. I wish I could

be there to put my arms around you and tell you everything will be ok.

Just know that spiritually, I am there....feel my arms around you and

hugging you tightly......

Go to your mom for christmas.....she will be delighted to see you. Spend

that time together for life is so short. You will have no regrets having

gone and she will be all the richer for having you there with her.

Know that all of us here are supporting you with love and prayers and you

are not alone......

Much love,

Judie

[Guest guest]

Dee -

I am so sorry for the suffering that both of you are going through.

What does her doctor say? Is she on home oxygen? Does she get

nebulizer treatments? My mother's shortness of breath was getting

really bad a few months ago, much worse than usual. When I got her to

a pulmonologist they immediately had her put on home oxygen, having

it delivered within two hours at home. And we have oxygen cannisters

we take everywhere we go. The nebulizer treatments can help open her

airway so her lungs can get a little more oxygen in.

Wishing you both the best,

P

> Earlier this year, I found out my Mom has been

> suffering from emphyasema (sp??). She's had it for

> several years but didn't want to worry the family

> about it. She retired a few months ago having made it

> to 65. Since I'm unable to drive to see her (she's

> about 30 miles away), she was going to drive to me

> after retiring. However, there's always been a reason

> why she hasn't been able to so the last time I saw her

> was Christmas of last year.

>

> My brother is going to pick me up and take me Home on

> Christmas Eve. He called me tonight to discuss it and

> he told me how badly she's doing. I knew she had

> bronchitis but thought she was getting better. She's

> not. My bro said she is utterly exhausted just

> walking up the 8 stairs to the bathroom. She's

> sleeping downstairs on the couch because she just

> can't make it up two flights of stairs. Also, she

> needs to prop herself up to a sitting position to be

> able to sleep/breathe and it's easier to do it on the

> couch. It turns out she's been doing this long before

> getting the bronchitis.

>

> My bro warned me what she looks like. He said she's

> literally dying before his eyes and it's really

> painful just to watch. I'm so scared to go home. I

> already have panic/anxiety attacks and the thought of

> losing Mom is inconceivable. I love her so much.

>

> What really hurts is she always wanted me to be

> thinner. Healthier. When I was 7 years old, she

> pointed out a girl in our neighborhood who was

> probably about 200lbs. I still know the girl's name.

> Mom told me if I didn't watch what I ate, I'd be as

> fat as her. And I'd be as unhappy as her too.

> Well, I did so much better - I'm at 311.

>

> My Mom has supported every single diet attempt I've

> ever tried. And I've seen the pain in her eyes when

> I've failed. With the DS, I know this time I would

> have succeeded. I've tried since July to get it and

> am still fighting my insurance company. And now, it

> looks like I'm not going to get it in time for Mom.

> I've dreamed about the look on her face when she saw a

> thinner me - the pride, the happiness, the knowledge

> that I'm going to be okay. (She worries about me

> alot). I know now that I won't see that look. My

> father used to beg me to lose weight and he died when

> I was about 250 lbs. I thought I had enough time with

> Mom but it looks like I don't.

>

> I feel so lost. I wanted her to be proud of me, not

> disappointed. I'm out of time. I don't know what to

> do. I can't stop crying. I don't want to outlive

> her. I can't imagine life without her. She's my

> touchstone.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent.

>

> dee

>

> =====

> Dee

> Denied; Working on Appeal

> 311/Want to be 135

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Dee,

My heart goes out to you! I lost my dad a little over a year ago and

I worry constantly about my mom. But, I wanted to suggest that you

talk to her about the surgery. Let her know what you're planning.

It'll probably make her happy. Also, remember that your mom loves

you no matter what you weigh! That was something I had a hard time

believing with my mom until we finally had a long talk about it and I

told her that it was important to me that she was proud of me no

matter what size I was and she assured me that she was. I'm sure

it's the same with your mom.

HUGS!

Tracey in Santee (San Diego)

>

> What really hurts is she always wanted me to be

> thinner. Healthier. When I was 7 years old, she

> pointed out a girl in our neighborhood who was

> probably about 200lbs. I still know the girl's name.

> Mom told me if I didn't watch what I ate, I'd be as

> fat as her. And I'd be as unhappy as her too.

> Well, I did so much better - I'm at 311.

>

> My Mom has supported every single diet attempt I've

> ever tried. And I've seen the pain in her eyes when

> I've failed. With the DS, I know this time I would

> have succeeded. I've tried since July to get it and

> am still fighting my insurance company. And now, it

> looks like I'm not going to get it in time for Mom.

> I've dreamed about the look on her face when she saw a

> thinner me - the pride, the happiness, the knowledge

> that I'm going to be okay. (She worries about me

> alot). I know now that I won't see that look. My

> father used to beg me to lose weight and he died when

> I was about 250 lbs. I thought I had enough time with

> Mom but it looks like I don't.

>

> I feel so lost. I wanted her to be proud of me, not

> disappointed. I'm out of time. I don't know what to

> do. I can't stop crying. I don't want to outlive

> her. I can't imagine life without her. She's my

> touchstone.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent.

>

> dee

>

> =====

> Dee

> Denied; Working on Appeal

> 311/Want to be 135

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Dee- Sorry to hear about your mom. Your weight doesn't matter. Your

mother sounds like she loves you unconditionally. You are going there to be

with her and that will bring her tremendous comfort. Your weight does not

make you a bad person and your mom knows that. She just wants you to be

healthy. Go there with a clear head and know that your mother will be happy

not disappointed to see you. Ellen(Pam