Assisted Computing Facilities

[Guest guest]

Friends,

THE TOUGHEST DECISION: SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED

COMPUTING FACILITY?

This is a question we all have to face sooner or later. Tim Robbs

struggles with this problem in his family. I myself have to help my wife

to see the link between using all the " free " greeting card mailers on

the web and the increase of junk mail in her Hotmail account.

" Someday we may just have to 'let them go ...' " says (a computer

care giver).

For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful decision

they will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a spouse, perhaps

a sibling - is technologically impaired and should no longer be allowed

to live independently, or come near a computer or electronic device

without direct supervision. The time has come to place that loved one

into the care of an Assisted Computing Facility. But you have questions.

So many questions.

We at Silicon Pines want to help.

WHAT EXACTLY IS AN " ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY " ?

Sometimes referred to as " Homes for the Technologically Infirm, "

" Technical Invalid Care Centers, " or " Homes for the Technically

Challenged, " Assisted Computing Facilities (ACFs) are modeled on

assisted living facilities, and provide a safe, structured residential

environment for those unable to handle even the most common, everyday

multitasks. Most fully accredited ACFs, like Silicon Pines, are an oasis

of hope and encouragement that allow residents to lead productive,

technologically relevant lives without the fear and anxiety associated

with actually having to understand or execute the technologies

themselves.

WHO SHOULD BE IN AN ACF?

Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic rate that many

millions, of all ages, will never truly be able to understand it,

putting an undue burden on those friends and family members who must

explain it to them. But unless the loved one is suffering from a truly

debilitating affliction, such as Reinstallzheimers, the decision to

commit is entirely personal. You must ask yourself:

" How frustrated am I that my parent/sibling/spouse is unable to open an

email attachment? "

" How much of my time should be taken up explaining how RAM is different

from hard drive memory? "

" How many times can I bear to hear my dad say, 'Hey, can I replace the

motherboard with a fatherboard? Ha ha ha!' "

To make things easier, we have prepared a list of Warning Signs which we

encourage you to return to often, or, if you can't figure out how to

bookmark it, print out. Also, please take a moment to read " I'm Glad I'm

in Here! - A Resident's Story. "

MUST IT BE FAMILY, OR CAN I PLACE ANYONE IN AN ACF?

Several corporations have sought permission to have certain employees,

or at times entire sales departments, committed to ACFs. At present,

however, individuals can be committed only by direct family or

self-internment. The reason is simple: there are not nearly enough ACFs

in the world to accommodate all the technologically challenged. For

example, there are currently only 860,000 beds available in ACFs, but

there are 29 million AOL users.

HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?

ACF rents range from free up to $12,500 per month. The disparity is

currently a point of contention in the ACF industry. Many residents are

covered through government programs such as Compucaid or Compucare, but

reimbursement rates are low and only cover a portion of the fees.

Exacerbating the situation are the HMOs (HelpDesk Maintenance

Organizations), which often deny coverage, forcing residents to pay out

of pocket or turn to expensive private techcare insurers such as

BlueCache/BlueScreen.

Offsetting the costs are technology companies themselves, many of which

subsidize ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft, Dell, Qualcomm, and America

Online will pay up to 100 percent of a resident's monthly bill, but

there is a catch. ISPs, for instance, require residents to sign service

contracts lasting a year or more. Microsoft, meanwhile, prohibits the

installation of any competitive software, while Priceline requires that

residents buy shares of its stock, which seems onerous but saves

residents on lavatory tissue.

HOW OLD MUST I BE TO HAVE SOMEONE COMMITTED?

Until very recently, you had to be 18 or older to legally commit a

family member. However, the now famous British court case Frazier vs.

Frazier and Frazier has cleared the way for minors to commit their

parents. In that case, 15-year-old Bradley Frazier of Leicester had his

37-year-old parents committed to an ACF in Bournemouth after a judge

ruled Ian and Janet Frazier were a " danger to themselves and the

community. " According to court records, Bradley told his parents about

the I LoveYou virus and warned them not to click attachments, then the

next day his parents received an I LoveYou email and clicked on the

attachment because, they explained, " it came from someone we know. "

WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN AN ACF?

First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted Computing Facility, and not an

Assisted Living Facility. To tell the difference, observe the residents.

If they look rather old and tend to openly discuss bowel movements, this

is probably 'assisted living.' On the other hand, if they vary in age

and say things like, " I'm supposed to figure that out? I'm not Bill

goddamned Gates you know!, " this is probably 'assisted computing.' Also,

at a well-run ACF, residents should lead full, independent lives, and

should be allowed the use of many technology devices, including

telephones, electric toothbrushes, and alarm clocks. However, only a

facility's Licensed Techcare Professionals (LTPs) should perform

computational or technological tasks such as installing programs or

saving email attachments. And LTPs should NEVER answer residents'

questions because studies have shown that answering user questions

inevitably makes things worse. Instead, residents should simply have

things done for them, relieving them of the pressure to " learn " or

" improve. "

CAN A RESIDENT EVER GET OUT?

No.

OK, THIS SOUNDS PROMISING. HOW CAN I LEARN MORE?

For your enlightenment, we offer extensive information on Silicon Pines

and the ACF lifestyle, which can be found by clicking one of the links

in the navigation bars found at both the top and bottom of this page.

But whatever you decide, keep in mind that due to demand, ACFs now have

long waiting lists. WebTV & AOL users alone will take years to absorb.

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