Off topic: New neighborhood

November 8, 2001

Has anyone with autistic kids moved from one neighborhood to another? I need

some guidance on how to approach the subject with my new neighbors.

I don't really want to just move in and not say anything because A) I think

my kids yell more than other kids and persons nearby might unfoundedly

suspect abuse If one of them should slip out without me seeing them, I

would want the neighbors to know that the child may not respond to them and

that they should call me right away, and C) I need the neighbors to know

about their GFCF status, and to check with me first before offering them any

kind of well-meaning treat.

On the other hand, I don't really want it to be the first thing out of my

mouth, either. My kids are children first, and I don't want to be viewed as

" That family with the autistic kids that just moved in. "

Any ideas out there?

Peggy Sue

Mom to (7, NT) (5, SI Dysfunction, ASD) Allie (4, Autism)

and (2, ASD, self regulatory disorder)

November 8, 2001

Peggy Sue,

You're right-your kids are children first. That's why their safety is a

priority. If possible getting out of the house and wandering may be an

issue I would tell the neighbors upon introduction (I know-who wants to go

through it one more time). Or make sure you're on constant watch. Which

seems better? Autism is part of who they are RIGHT NOW, so it's worth

sharing. Don't worry about what others are going to think-they'll probably

never fully understand what it is like. They are still children no mater if

they are ASD or are out-of-control or are typical-they're still terrific!

(Believe it!!!) Hopefully over time your new neighbors will grow to be part

of your support system.

Good Luck

Kathy

November 9, 2001

After living in the same house for 26 years, we moved 18 months ago. We were

very concerned about neighborhood acceptance, too, but we have been very

lucky and have had no problems.

Perhaps the thing that helped the most is that we take a walk every day.

Our son is highly visible and at least one of us is along to say hello to

anyone we meet... and we do. I am sure that there isn't anyone in the

neighborhood who doesn't know who is is, where he lives, and who he belongs

to. (He also has a billfold in his pocket with his name, address, and

telephone number and his sister's telephone numbers for an emergency

situation.) All of the regular walkers (mostly moms with strollers or dog

owners walking dogs) speak to him until he answers them. They know this is

hard for him and they are so pleased with themselves when he gives an answer

they understand and with all this practice he is getting pretty good at it.

Our move has worked out better than we had hoped. I hope yours does, too.

Dona Vickrey

November 9, 2001

I can't share any experience about moving but I can about the abuse

issue. Before my son was diagnosed he cried alot. It didn't matter

what we would do for him - he just cried. One night our neighbor

knocked on the door asking me if I ever picked my child up or fed

him. I told her he just cries alot and I am sorry the noise bothered

her. She screamed in front of my older kids that I am abusing my

kids and she is going to make sure they are all taken away from me.

Needless to say my older 2 kids were scared. The next day social

services appeared at the door. They said they were given an abuse

call and had to check it out. They questioned my older kids

privately about the baby - does he smile, why does he cry, what are

they studying, how do we discipline etc. I wasn't home and I was

nursing so they had my husband show them that I had sufficient pumped

milk available as well as checked our cupboards to ensure we had food

for the rest of the kids. By this time I showed up. They explained

to us that they believe the call was unfounded and they feel we are

good parents. The unfortunate thing is this will be on our permanent

record. If we ever get a call again, we will be treated with greater

suspicion. I say all this to encourage you to make sure to open up

the lines of communication with your neighbors. Who cares if you are

thought of as the family that has autistic kids. That is much better

then being thought of as abusers. No matter what, that neighbor

still believes I abuse my kids. First impressions are difficult to

break. She also had talked to alot of other neighbors that we have

no communication with. It is uncomfortable because I do not know

what she has said and to who. Also, if they had arrived on a day I

was short on food or if one of my kids would have had a bruise from a

fall at the playground, the outcome might have been different. I

personally know of 2 other families that had their kids taken away

from social services only to be returned months later with not even

an apology. Maybe you could take a little treat over to your closest

neighbors to break the ice. Come across as wanting to make things

easiest for them and encourage them to let you know if anything such

as noise bothers them. They will be more willing to come to you with

a concern than someone else.

> Has anyone with autistic kids moved from one neighborhood to

another? I need

> some guidance on how to approach the subject with my new

neighbors.

>

> I don't really want to just move in and not say anything because

A) I think

> my kids yell more than other kids and persons nearby might

unfoundedly

> suspect abuse If one of them should slip out without me seeing

them, I

> would want the neighbors to know that the child may not respond to

them and

> that they should call me right away, and C) I need the neighbors

to know

> about their GFCF status, and to check with me first before offering

them any

> kind of well-meaning treat.

>

> On the other hand, I don't really want it to be the first thing out

of my

> mouth, either. My kids are children first, and I don't want to be

viewed as

> " That family with the autistic kids that just moved in. "

>

> Any ideas out there?

>

> Peggy Sue

> Mom to (7, NT) (5, SI Dysfunction, ASD) Allie (4,

Autism)

> and (2, ASD, self regulatory disorder)

>

November 9, 2001

Wow . This is truly sad from every aspect.

I can only say neighbors can be a blessing or a curse.

Working with them is much better than working against them.

I am sure there was nothing more you could do to educate these people.

How frustrating...

Like you don't have enough to be worried about!

Hugs

a Jeffs mom

Re: Off topic: New neighborhood