Guest guest Posted December 23, 2001 Report Share Posted December 23, 2001 , It may be worthwhile for your husband to speak with your PCP about the real risks associated with morbid obesity. If you had diabetes, there was a treatment available to control it and your husband disapproved, what would you do? Obesity is a disease which needs treatment and it is your body, your life and only you can decide alone what you will do with it. Scheduled for BPD/DS with Dr. Herron, 1/18/02 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2001 Report Share Posted December 23, 2001 , Has he even been to the DS website or read any research on the DS ? There have been also many spouses who have been against the procedure until they went with their spouse to the initial consult, met the doctor, asked questions, etc. While you can understand his fear, you're doing this for your health..as for you supporting him if you were 100% against a decision he made..well, it depends on the decision..if the decision he made was to do something considered drastic to improve his health, you knew he had researched both the surgery and the doctor and the only thing that was preventing your support was the idea that there was another viable long term solution and fear of losing him, then yes, he should expect your 100% support because you should have faith that if there was another non-surgical solution with the same long-term effectiveness you would choose it in a heartbeat! Now, if he wanted your support to quit his job and follow the Secret's catalog tour, that's another story! Bottom line, this is not cosmetic and at this time, there is not a non-surgical method that has the same long term effect. While the fear is natural, having him go to different websites will help educate him on the reality that unfortunately, more people die waiting for weight loss surgery than from weight loss surgery. You can also have him write down his specific concerns or objections and sit down and address one point at a time. Addressing him in an emotional manner will make him think it's an emotional decision instead of a well-researched decision. I'm not married, but while neither of my parents objected to me wanting to improve my health, they objected to the idea of surgery. (Not that I needed their approval, but I did want their support). I gave them the facts about the surgery, explained the differences between the DS and the RNY, explained the complication rate, how I chose my surgeon, the long term effectiveness, etc. By the time I was done, my Mom was still naturally worried, but also supportive and my Dad took a little more convincing (I gave him some websites so he could see for himself) and in the end he finally conceded that I had done my research and was making an educated decision. Of course, my Dad was the one that came to Delano with me, I think he figured if he was there he could send enough positive energy to get me through anything! That and everyone else's must have worked, because like the majority of people..I came through with flying colors! Btw, I thought he knew better, but my Dad did ask, why can't you just eat small amounts like you would after surgery and lose weight that way ? I explained that it was a question of satiety, after surgery, you eat a little bit and that makes you full and satisfied..when you try to do that without surgery, unless you use drugs like Meridia or Dexatrim which have side effects, then you're constantly hungry, your body feels like you're starving it so it fights you and you're basically not a fun person to be around..given all that..how long can you reasonably expect to maintain that type of eating pattern without surgery ? He understood that and I think your husband would as well, if he asks that question. The main thing is to address all his concerns with the research you have done and then also let him know all the things that you can't or don't do because of your weight. Even people who are around us every day aren't aware of a lot of the things we avoid or don't realize it's because of our weight. Good luck and don't give up! *hugs* Anita 11/08/01 Dr Keshishian 11/08/01 320lbs 12/07/01 294lbs 12/18/01 286lbs > Hi, group...sorry to dump all over you guys, but I > don't know where else to turn. > > Even though I haven't posted a lot here, I do lurk > every day, and feel as if I know some of you > personally. I have my first consult with Dr. Herron > on January 3rd...I've been researching D/S like hell > for the past three months, and have already had the > psych consult and I'm scheduled for the upper > endoscopy, the sleep apnea test, and others. > > In the beginning, my d/h was 100% against surgery. He > was very much afraid, and felt that there had to be a > better/other way to lose the weight. I have spent > many hours educating him, pleading with him to do some > research on the D/S, crying, arguing, wheedling, > pleading, yadda-yadda...for the past coupld of weeks, > especially since I got the consult appointment, he's > calmed down a lot, and not said one word against the > surgery. Now, all of a sudden, this morning, I feel > as if we're back to square one!!! Again,, he's > talking about how against it he is, how there's got to > be another way to lose the weight, etc...I'm just > devastated!!! > > I told him again how much I needed him to be in my > corner when I do this...he rejoined with: " how would > you feel if I insisted upon doing something that you > were 100% against? Would you be there for me 100%? " > > I just don't know where to turn at this point! If > he's not going to be there, in a supportive role, for > me, can I do this? I don't know about mosr of you, > but I need to have my mate there for me...not only > physically, but to really BE there to support me, my > decision, and not to be the first one to say " I told > you so " for the first " magic 6 weeks " . > > Have any of you had a similar situation two weeks > pre-consult? I need some guidance here. > > Thanks for listening. > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2001 Report Share Posted December 23, 2001 , You may be forced into making a choice between life and satisfying your husband's wishes. It's not pretty, the choice you might face if hubby does not come around. But, the choice is that simple: keeping hubby happy or living. I hope that you choose life. It may break up your marriage. But, so would your premature death. You can count on the support of the folks on this list, if that is any consolation. --Steve At 10:03 AM -0800 12/23/01, Commodore wrote: >... > >I told him again how much I needed him to be in my >corner when I do this...he rejoined with: " how would >you feel if I insisted upon doing something that you >were 100% against? Would you be there for me 100%? " > >I just don't know where to turn at this point! If >he's not going to be there, in a supportive role, for >me, can I do this? I don't know about mosr of you, >but I need to have my mate there for me...not only >physically, but to really BE there to support me, my >decision, and not to be the first one to say " I told >you so " for the first " magic 6 weeks " . -- Steve Goldstein, age 61 Lap BPD/DS on May 2, 2001 Dr. Elariny, INOVA Fairfax Hospital, Virginia Starting (05/02/01) BMI = 51 BMI on 12/18 = 38 (-84 lb.) Just broke through the bumpy 4-week plateau! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2001 Report Share Posted December 23, 2001 , I'm so sorry to hear you're having problems with your DH! I haven't had that experience so I don't know what to suggest other than making sure he comes with you to the consult so that he can ask the doctor about his concerns. He owes you at least that much. Good luck! Tracey in Santee (San Diego) > Hi, group...sorry to dump all over you guys, but I > don't know where else to turn. > > Even though I haven't posted a lot here, I do lurk > every day, and feel as if I know some of you > personally. I have my first consult with Dr. Herron > on January 3rd...I've been researching D/S like hell > for the past three months, and have already had the > psych consult and I'm scheduled for the upper > endoscopy, the sleep apnea test, and others. > > In the beginning, my d/h was 100% against surgery. He > was very much afraid, and felt that there had to be a > better/other way to lose the weight. I have spent > many hours educating him, pleading with him to do some > research on the D/S, crying, arguing, wheedling, > pleading, yadda-yadda...for the past coupld of weeks, > especially since I got the consult appointment, he's > calmed down a lot, and not said one word against the > surgery. Now, all of a sudden, this morning, I feel > as if we're back to square one!!! Again,, he's > talking about how against it he is, how there's got to > be another way to lose the weight, etc...I'm just > devastated!!! > > I told him again how much I needed him to be in my > corner when I do this...he rejoined with: " how would > you feel if I insisted upon doing something that you > were 100% against? Would you be there for me 100%? " > > I just don't know where to turn at this point! If > he's not going to be there, in a supportive role, for > me, can I do this? I don't know about mosr of you, > but I need to have my mate there for me...not only > physically, but to really BE there to support me, my > decision, and not to be the first one to say " I told > you so " for the first " magic 6 weeks " . > > Have any of you had a similar situation two weeks > pre-consult? I need some guidance here. > > Thanks for listening. > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2001 Report Share Posted December 23, 2001 Hi My husband was also 100% against the idea. He really doesn't trust MDs, and just can't understand why I can't just " cut back " to lose weight. I sat down with him and showed him a list of what I might expect health wise within the next 20 years if I remained as big as I am. I also told him what I really was missing in life, like getting down and playing with our son, fitting into theater seats, etc. It at least got him to go with me to the initial consultation. Here is the clincher. My husband owns a landscape business, and the surgeon we consulted with owns a sod company. Now who could predict that? They connected, and he still isn't wild about the idea, but at least thinks more highly about the surgeon! You just never know. Work to get your husband to the consult, and take it from there. Nagging never works. Being resolved, however, speaks volumes to men. E (IL) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2001 Report Share Posted December 23, 2001 Hi , I am in the research phase, and ready to make my first appointment. I am sorry your husband is not very supportive. Would a visit to a counselor help? Maybe he could explore his fears? I would imagine he is afraid and wouldn't know what to do if something happened to you. He needs to know that you have tried everything, and with what doctors know now, the easier course isn't truly easier - it just draws out everything longer and makes everyone miserable. I, too, would like an easier answer, but people who have never been obese, have no idea how we can suffer from this condition. The best of luck to you, and I do hope your husband turns around and gives you all the support you need and deserve. Peaceful Holidays, to you and to your husband. Ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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