Re: devastated - to

[Guest guest]

,

While I'm not married, I do have a boyfriend of 11

years, so we're ALMOST married.

He too objected to the surgery. And I did what

everyone else has suggested...I sat with

him...explained everything...gave him resources to

check out..and he still objects.

So it came down to the simple issue of trust. I

reminded him that I'm an intelligent woman who has

been caring for herself for 31 years by dieting. 31

years...and every diet failed. And I told him quite

calmly that I had made my mind up because it is my

body and my health, and that I really wanted his

support, but I was going to do it with or without him.

And that he had to know that if I couldn't count on

his support through this most important decision, that

told me how much he trusted my judgement and it told

me how much I could count on him.

It sounds sort of harsh, when I put it that way, but

he is the only person who has been against this. I

know that I can get through it without his support,

but I'd rather have it.

He is now reconciled to it, but doesn't like it. This

is a man who won't take an aspirin, and I know this

sounds like snake oil to him...but he has only two

options, support me or get out of my way.

This is a life saving surgery for me..as it is for

you...you must make your decision based on your

health...not on his fears. He has a responsibility to

educate himself....

I'm here for you, if you need to talk off list...I

know this is hard....

Barbara

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Date: Sun, 23 Dec 2001 10:03:00 -0800 (PST)

From: Commodore

Subject: devastated!!

Hi, group...sorry to dump all over you guys, but I

don't know where else to turn.

Even though I haven't posted a lot here, I do lurk

every day, and feel as if I know some of you

personally. I have my first consult with Dr. Herron

on January 3rd...I've been researching D/S like hell

for the past three months, and have already had the

psych consult and I'm scheduled for the upper

endoscopy, the sleep apnea test, and others.

In the beginning, my d/h was 100% against surgery. He

was very much afraid, and felt that there had to be a

better/other way to lose the weight. I have spent

many hours educating him, pleading with him to do some

research on the D/S, crying, arguing, wheedling,

pleading, yadda-yadda...for the past coupld of weeks,

especially since I got the consult appointment, he's

calmed down a lot, and not said one word against the

surgery. Now, all of a sudden, this morning, I feel

as if we're back to square one!!! Again,, he's

talking about how against it he is, how there's got to

be another way to lose the weight, etc...I'm just

devastated!!!

I told him again how much I needed him to be in my

corner when I do this...he rejoined with: " how would

you feel if I insisted upon doing something that you

were 100% against? Would you be there for me 100%? "

I just don't know where to turn at this point! If

he's not going to be there, in a supportive role, for

me, can I do this? I don't know about mosr of you,

but I need to have my mate there for me...not only

physically, but to really BE there to support me, my

decision, and not to be the first one to say " I told

you so " for the first " magic 6 weeks " .

Have any of you had a similar situation two weeks

pre-consult? I need some guidance here.

Thanks for listening.

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