Re: Becoming peaceful -- continued.

[Guest guest]

I think peace comes with time. My daughter wore a starband for brachy (flat in

back with extra width, but not much asymmetry). She got a lot of correction, and

I never considered a 2nd band when she graduated at 10 mo. Actually it was in my

mind, but I knew my husband and our doctor were highly unlikely to agree. Her

numbers aren't bad, but she has some odd angles to her head that are a result of

the original problem. Her head is kind of squarish at the top. However I know I

notice it far more than anyone else would. She's a beautiful girl, and I'm sure

others see her as normal. I had hoped we would get post band rounding since she

was only 10 mo at graduating, but that didn't happen. Her head really isn't bad,

but I can't help but notice it isn't perfect when her hair is wet, and that it

is my fault. :-) But, I can honestly say this doesn't really bother me now. It

is something I'm aware of, but it is such a small concern at this point in my

life.

Going through banding we tend to become hyper-focused on these problems, but the

rest of the world isn't. I think you just have to remind yourself to put it in

perspective, and focus on how cute he is with his asymmetry. I don't see any

reason that it should worsen as he ages, and if it does i can't imagine that

would be due to plagio. I would assume it will stay the same or improve. Either

way I think you'll feel better with it over time.

-christine

sydney, 4.5 yrs, starband grad

>

> Darn it - that sent before it was supposed to!

>

> I was going to go on to say this: I am trying to be peaceful with the

asymmetry I can see now. But it is upsetting. It is not " in your face " - again

- it's only visible from certain angles, in some photos (not all - in some

photos you can't really tell at all), and in the mirror. Sometimes it jumps out

at me and looks REALLY obvious - sometimes I look at him and almost can't see

it.

>

> I try to tell myself - so what? So what, his eyes aren't perfectly

symmetrical - they're a little off. Maybe it will get better. (Of course my

fear is it will get worse - there is no way to know as his facial bones grow and

develop.)

>

> I am angry about his plagiocephaly - a condition that I feel was preventable

IF I'D HAD THE RIGHT INFORMATION. I am also unimpressed with his orthotist -

2mm correction in 15 weeks? He grew more than that during that time, a lot

more. So why the minimal correction? I question if his helmet ever really fit

correctly (and we took him out of it because one of the sideburns was pressing

into his face.) No one at the time suggested a second helmet (starband) was

necessary, and so I never pursued it (and was in fact advised not to by his

specialist.)

>

> I know I've done the best I can. I have investigated some alternative

therapies locally - but so far have been unimpressed (with the local providers,

a general lack of knowledge, etc.) I think that where we are - is where we are.

>

> And I'm not sure how to come to terms with it. And move on. And stop looking

- LOOKING at my son's face, his eyes, his forehead. At some point, he'll

notice, and wonder why and what I'm looking at. And I don't want to do that to

him, ever - maybe it will never bother him. So I don't want to plant a poison

seed.

>

> I just feel RESPONSIBLE - and like I failed him. And I feel like others

failed him too. And HE has to live with our failings - because it's had a

physical effect - on his face. And it's painful.

>

> Thanks for reading.

>

[Guest guest]

You asked how to be at peace and I think time will heal the feelings you have now. There are a few things that are helping me accept where we are (a 7 as well). Everyone who sees my baby does not notice anything odd about her. Even her pediatrician. Years ago when the back to sleep campaign began nobody knew about positional plagiocephaly and there was no recourse for action. The doctor we saw in Boston told me that he had gone to a theme park and all the kids who were born at the beginning of “back to sleep” who are older teens and young adults now – he noticed their heads – because he is in the business of treating for these things now, he notices. All the shapes of heads. Those parents didn’t have any treatment options. I am blessed to have had the availability of treatment we have. In the future it will be even better known and parents will have even more information for treatment and prevention. My mom tells me we all do the best we can with what we know at the time. (Only hindsight is 20-20). I think she is right. All these things have helped me. ~Y