Can anyone relate to this?

December 11, 2001

Kathy,

Even though I'm pre-op, I can totally relate. When I lost 95lbs on a liquid

fast,

no one at work knew what I was doing. There were people who NEVER talk

to me coming up to me and " congratulating " me on my weight loss. I say

" congratulating " because, like I said, under normal circumstances, these people

never said anything but " hi " ...and that was only occasionally...after seven

years

at this job! I even got a few comments about " don't lose too much! " HA! I was

once stopped by the Big Cheese at work and told " You look fabulous! You

must feel soooo much better now! " I tell you...I was so shocked that I just

stood

there and said, " uh-huh " while she rambled on about good health, exercise and

other bullsh*t. What I REALLY wanted to say to her was, " Oh, so I guess you

thought I looked like sh*t before and I felt like crap? " Not that I didn't, but

that was

none of her damn business. It's like you said: Why do people feel like it is

okay

to say such things now when they would not have said the opposite before?

Now that I've gained the weight back, no one says anything to me about how I

look, good, bad or otherwise.

I basically learned to say, " Thanks. I've been working on it. Hey, that's a

really

great sweater! Where'd you get it? " If they pushed it, I'd just quietly say, " I

really

don't feel like discussing it. " If they really pushed it and I really didn't

want to discuss

it with them, then I'd say, " Hey, your diet and exercise routine has never been

my

business. Drop it. " IMHO, unless they are themselves MO and curious for their

own

health reasons - which is not something you'd know from a casual hallway

acquaintance

- then they just want to know so they know...and so they can tell others and you

can

be the Gossip Topic O' The Week...as if Oprah can't provide enough

entertainment.

Ok, now I'm rambling! My advice to you would be to end the conversations, as

quickly

and abruptly as possible. You may even want to start complaining about the

attention

at the water cooler. Maybe the grapevine will start to get the idea not to

mention it.

Good Luck and CONGRATULATIONS!

December 11, 2001

> Why is it that I am getting so sick and tired of people

complimenting

> me on my weight loss.

Kathy M: I can relate. I mean, the old ladies next door almost FELL

OVER when they saw me recently (I had spent about 2 1/2 months in

Michigan, lost more weight, got new clothes, cut/styled and dyed my

hair). My landlords didn't recognize me when I greeted them on the

street. The people in the dim sum restaurant that is our second home

many days had to take double and triple takes when I walked in. They

keep commenting how 'pretty' I am now, etc. I keep thinking 'Do I

really look THAt different? Is the transformation THAT extreme?' I

think it must be because another friend who had the DS after me said

she didn't even recognize me at first when we met recently!

Sure I can do more

> things with less or no pain, but inside I am still the same. Well,

I

> guess since I had my guts rearranged I am not the same inside

> either. >>>>>>

LOL! That's an ironic but true comment. However, I don't feel like

the same person. Essentially, I AM but I've noticed a lot of changes

in myself. I feel more like my 'old' self before I became MO. I

sense a lot more potentials and possibilities than I did before. But,

it really is mystifying that many, many more people SMILE at me openly

and are more willing to look at me, be nice to me.... I think I really

did become rather 'invisible' before.

I know people were only trying to be nice, as they are

> now, but I sure get tired of having the same conversation all day,

> every day. Especially with people that have never been MO.>>>>>

I know --- It's like a broken tape. Last week, everyone wanted to

know HOW MUCH I HAD LOST. The response I've gotten from neighbors,

friends, etc. has been overwhelmingly positive for the most part (at

least to my face). I had told them I had surgery from the beginning

when they ask how I did it. Some people conveniently forgot that and

kept asking how I did it over and over; others said jokingly 'I need

that' or 'you took the easy way' but I remind them that one HAS TO BE

at least 100 lbs overweight and morbidly obese to qualify -- that it's

a major surgery (of course, it's the ones who only have like 20-40 lbs

to lose who comment about wanting the surgery, etc.). People have

mainly just been BLOWN AWAY by the results.

What's more, I've even noticed other women looking at me --- some in a

kind of snotty way! I think that's the first time in my life that's

ever happened to me! ROFL IT does get tedious at times... But, it

seems to be subsiding somewhat. I take the approach that if I can

help educate people about the surgery and what it can do, why not? I

totally understand why you wouldn't want anyone bugging you about it,

etc., though.

I just find it so amazing how much more open and friendly people are

to me now. It's kind of scary... {{{{Kathy}}}}

all the best,

lap ds with gallbladder removal

January 25, 2001

Dr. Gagner/Mt. Sinai/NYC

10 months post-op and still feelin' fabu

preop: 307 lbs/bmi 45

now: 198 lbs/bmi 28/size sweet 1

December 11, 2001

--- Kathy m,

i too can relate. but on a different level. when i lost

70lbs on atkins, everyone complimented me.. on my looks. it really

made me mad because that is something that God gave me, you know? i

wanted to be recognized for my talents and my accomplishments( i dont

have too many!). i had been just elected to our local govt.. and

the youngest ever too.. plus i am female. i put a lot of hard work

into it, plus my family. how come nobody ever came up and said " your

children are so well behaved? " or " you have really added something

to our town? " ( well sometimes i got that) but you know.. i took

offense. then the whistling started.. then i started eating more..

but anyways, i know i know i know!

I just have to remind myself this time around, that most people

have good intentions, and that im sure ive said something offensive

to someone in my lifetime too. but this time i will have an answer

prepared!

December 11, 2001

Funny, sometimes I have felt similarly " ashamed "

at the gym when people compliment me. I work out

5X a week with a trainer. Of course the weight is

really dropping off and people ask him what is he

doing to me..? also people have complimented me.

I just say thanks and I have decided to not

elaborate. In fact, I'm going to stop telling

casual complimenters that I had surgery, I tell

them I work out and follow a nutritional plan.

The less said the better.

I remember a friend who lost over a hundred

pounds years ago,and people would ask her HOW DID

YOU DO IT? She would explain her food plan, etc,

and describe her commitment and then she would

see their eyes glaze over...she told me, and I

agree to some degree, that people who ask

sometimes only want to hear about that silver

bullet or magic pill, they don't want the truth

about YOU HAVE TO MAKE SOME CHANGES.

Now, so what if the changes sometimes seem easy

(sometimes they are not). The smart people I have

started to give explanations to have said, " I

don't need to know, you decided to do something

for yourself and you are following through with

the changes, I'm complimenting your results. "

So, I compliment your results, if nothing else,

you made the decision that it was time for

surgery. That's probably the biggest bit of

responsibility you could take on in this weight

loss process and YOU DID IT.

Oddly, I say this because I feared this would NOT

happen, I liek teh attention I'm getting, I like

looking better (and feeling better) I like trying

new physical things and thinking of myself

differently. True, some people missed out on the

great guy I was as a fat guy, some people didn't,

one thing is for sure, I'm not going to miss out

on the great guy I NOW REALIZE I WAS and AM. (I

just come in a smaller package!)

LennyB

BPD/DS 2Apr01 Dr Gagner, -120lbs today

__________________________________________________

December 11, 2001

> --- Kathy m,

> i too can relate. but on a different level. when i lost

> 70lbs on atkins, everyone complimented me.. on my looks. it really

> made me mad because that is something that God gave me, you know? i

> wanted to be recognized for my talents and my accomplishments( i

dont

> have too many!). i had been just elected to our local govt.. and

> the youngest ever too.. plus i am female. i put a lot of hard work

> into it, plus my family. how come nobody ever came up and said " your

> children are so well behaved? " or " you have really added something

> to our town? " ( well sometimes i got that) but you know.. i took

> offense. then the whistling started.. then i started eating more..

> but anyways, i know i know i know!

>

: I, too, hid behind my wall of fat. I wanted to become

'invisible' physically so my inner self would be appreciated... Well,

needless to say, the fat only got in the way. I thought the people

who truely would appreciate me would see beyond the outside and the

others were all superficial and, in the grand scheme of things, were

not really worth it if they held a prejudice against me.

I still feel that way to some degree -- But, I'm learning to include

my looks as part of who I am (not that I'm dropdead gorgeous or

anything -- just tall, leggy, voluptuous and blonde with pleasant

looks! ROFL). I'm learning to feel more comfortable with how I look.

NOt that I want to take advantage of my looks but if other talents are

God-given, why can't physical appearance be included and appreciated

by ourselves?

I see it when people look at my daughter -- Now, she IS drop-dead

gorgeous. She is half-Chinese (from my dh ) and half

Irish/French (from my side) with light brown hair and eyes... I mean,

people just stare and her and smile when she passes. It pleases

people just to be in her presence, it seems. She doesn't have to do

anything -- she doesn't even have to look at them. And, she's only

5!!! People are just drawn to her. I want to teach her to develop

herself in other ways but I know that she has been blessed in this

way. Why should she feel she has to 'hide' it or lessen it?

I know I did when I was younger. I always wore thick, dark-rimmed

glasses (to accentuate my intelligence) and never wore form-fitting

clothing on a regular basis. I wanted to be taken seriously! I

wanted people to see I was an honest, giving, loving person with

empathy for others, a quirky sense of humor and a great, loyal friend!

To me, that was more important than what I looked like. And, these

things ARE more important than what I look like. But, why shouldn't I

enjoy looking good? WEaring nice clothing? Putting on some lipstick

if I feel like it or indulging in a fancy negligee? The thing I've

come to realize is --- the body/face does not take away from what is

there -- it only can add to it.

And, I discovered that this fear was more on my part than on my

mistrust of others. I was afraid that I was so emotionally needy

and/or naive that I couldn't weed people out properly and would put

myself in situations where I would get hurt. Some people will be

superficial and only appreciate you because of your looks -- But I

should be able to see their transparency at some point. Why wouldn't

I be able to make wise choices and surround myself with true, loving

and supportive people as a thinner me? These are questions I'm still

working through...

Maybe being 36 and realizing that I WILL age - that I AM aging is also

a part of my new acceptance ... I'm trying to make the best of what I

have now! LOL I don't think I ever thought twice about sagging boobs

or wrinkles when I was 18 or in my 20's, trying so hard to be taken

seriously.

Congrats on the new public office! That must feel great!

all the best,

lap ds with gallbladder removal

January 25, 2001

Dr. Gagner/Mt. Sinai/NYC

10 months post-op and still feelin' fabu

preop: 307 lbs/bmi 45

now: 198 lbs/bmi 28/size

December 11, 2001

> one thing is for sure, I'm not going to miss out

> on the great guy I NOW REALIZE I WAS and AM. (I

> just come in a smaller package!)

Lenny B: MAN -- -120 lbs? And your surgery was in april? THAT'S

WONDERFUL!

ENJOY!

all the best,

lap ds with gallbladder removal

January 25, 2001

Dr. Gagner/Mt. Sinai/NYC

10 months post-op and still feelin' fabu

preop: 307 lbs/bmi 45

now: 198 lbs/bmi 28/size sweet 16 but squeezin' into a 14!

December 11, 2001

....to tell or not to tell - - that is the question!

I used to tell people that I lost my weight chasing around my

not-quite-two-year-old-daughter. Then my wife, who is much smarter than I

am, suggested that my cryptic response and lack of being forthright about my

surgery may be robbing someone who needed good information - whether for

their sister, their brother, their mother, their daughter or their friend -

and that I was being totally selfish for not giving credit to my surgical

tool....I pondered her wisdom and decided she was right and I was less

afraid or embarassed about talking openly about my surgery and how and why

it was working for me. Then I started helping some people with their

appeals and talking openly about my own insurance struggle and the

discrimination I faced and an advocacy practice helping others was born out

of that...

The decision " to come out " is deeply personal and there is no right

reason....but for me - I think my right decision was to openly share and to

bring out in the open in the best possible way the life-changing event that

surgery can be...and maybe - just maybe someone else can gain some strength

from that....regards to all.

Walter Lindstrom, Jr., Esquire

Obesity Law & Advocacy Center

7710 Hazard Center Drive, Suite E, PMB no. 443