Re: - answer

August 24, 2005

Hi (or should I say H)

Yes I went through that phase at first as well. And I did exactly what you

did. I said " sorry, those are the only 2 choices and if you can't pick, then

I get to pick " . You only have to do that a few times and he'll learn! These

kids are always one step ahead of us eh? Adam is the grand master, I have to

constantly think ahead to what " might " happen.

Here's one example. Adam's sister is staying up at her dad's for most of the

summer, and this story occurred back in July when she was up there. I had a

dentist appt. and Adam was begging me to let him stay home alone. Now he is

12 1/2, so it is legally OK but I am just never too sure with him LOL. But

he convinced me. So I went through the litany of rules " don't use the stove,

don't use the toaster, don't use the microwave, you can use the phone but

not for long (same for the internet) etc. etc. "

At the dentist office I was telling the nurse that I was a little nervous

leaving him alone, and she said " why will he do what he's not supposed to? "

And I said " oh no, if I tell Adam NOT to do something, he will listen, my

problem is DID I THINK of everything, because if I didn't say it

specifically he just might do it " .

Anyway, I got home and he was on the computer with his back to me. I said

jokingly " well I guess you did Ok by yourself, the house is still standing "

and he turns around as he says " yeh, except for this " and he has this

humongous band aid on his head (ones we use for, oh I don't know, you've

scraped your entire leg off!!). I just flipped. Took the Band-Aid off and

he's bleeding and has a huge goose egg. " What happened? " I said.

Apparently he wanted the light on in his bedroom, (he has a ceiling fan

where you can have the fan going at night but the light off, you just have

to pull the chain to turn the light on or off); apparently he climbed up on

his bunk bed and went to click the chain when the turning fan dinged him

right in the head.

Well he was so upset thinking that I would say 'I can't trust you' and

meanwhile I am upset because I can just see my guy alone and hurt and no one

to help him. But you see? Now when I go out I say " do you need the light on

first?? " LOL

Debby

Debby - question

> Remember when you mentioned giving options for our 3 1/2 yr olds so

> they were able to make decisions about things - thus, the end result

> would be getting what you wanted but not having to argue about it??

>

> Well, I started doing that and my sly has decided when I

> give him a choice, i.e., brushing teeth or pajamas first - his

> response is: " nuffin " (nothing). Of course, I repeat it a couple

> of more times - hoping maybe he just didn't get it the first two

> times and his continued response is " nuffin " . LOL So, did this

> happen to you and what did you do then??

>

> I've told him that " nuffin " is not one of his choices and if he

> can't make a decision, I would make the decision for him. He

> doesn't like that and usually decides (after a couple of minutes).

> Part of me feels like I'm still reverting back to where we were with

> arguments about everything.

>

> I met a woman at the park today and she said she had a terrible time

> between the ages of 3 to 4 1/2. Again, it's always comforting to

> hear from another mother.

>

> Just curious if this ever happened to you.

>

> Thanks - H

>

August 24, 2005

Debby - you have the best sense of humor! LOL Love the story and

love your thought process! Thank you for making me laugh.

Although, a bit scary isn't it - I'm glad he was okay. I'm still

chuckling with a big grin on my face ...LOL.

Okay - so, I guess this will take some time. I was kinda hoping you

had a miracle answer and it would work right away..LOL..

You know, I tried it again at the mall this afternoon. I had to buy

my husband a present for his admin (she's getting married) and I

gave two options - go home and play with our neighbors

Madison and Riley - or go home and watch a movie. He said " no

where " " I'm staying right here " (we were right in the middle of

Nordstroms). Needless to say - I was shocked he didn't like either

of the choices. So, I said fine - you can stay here - Goodbye!

Well, he screamed running after me as I started walking out the

door. Luckily, I still have an effect on him - in otherwords, he

still loves me <grin>. LOL

Thanks for everything. I always enjoy your posts.

- H

> Hi (or should I say H)

>

> Yes I went through that phase at first as well. And I did exactly

what you

> did. I said " sorry, those are the only 2 choices and if you can't

pick, then

> I get to pick " . You only have to do that a few times and he'll

learn! These

> kids are always one step ahead of us eh? Adam is the grand master,

I have to

> constantly think ahead to what " might " happen.

> Here's one example. Adam's sister is staying up at her dad's for

most of the

> summer, and this story occurred back in July when she was up

there. I had a

> dentist appt. and Adam was begging me to let him stay home alone.

Now he is

> 12 1/2, so it is legally OK but I am just never too sure with him

LOL. But

> he convinced me. So I went through the litany of rules " don't use

the stove,

> don't use the toaster, don't use the microwave, you can use the

phone but

> not for long (same for the internet) etc. etc. "

> At the dentist office I was telling the nurse that I was a little

nervous

> leaving him alone, and she said " why will he do what he's not

supposed to? "

> And I said " oh no, if I tell Adam NOT to do something, he will

listen, my

> problem is DID I THINK of everything, because if I didn't say it

> specifically he just might do it " .

>

> Anyway, I got home and he was on the computer with his back to me.

I said

> jokingly " well I guess you did Ok by yourself, the house is still

standing "

> and he turns around as he says " yeh, except for this " and he has

this

> humongous band aid on his head (ones we use for, oh I don't know,

you've

> scraped your entire leg off!!). I just flipped. Took the Band-Aid

off and

> he's bleeding and has a huge goose egg. " What happened? " I said.

> Apparently he wanted the light on in his bedroom, (he has a

ceiling fan

> where you can have the fan going at night but the light off, you

just have

> to pull the chain to turn the light on or off); apparently he

climbed up on

> his bunk bed and went to click the chain when the turning fan

dinged him

> right in the head.

>

> Well he was so upset thinking that I would say 'I can't trust you'

and

> meanwhile I am upset because I can just see my guy alone and hurt

and no one

> to help him. But you see? Now when I go out I say " do you need the

light on

> first?? " LOL

>

> Debby

>

> Debby - question

>

> > Remember when you mentioned giving options for our 3 1/2 yr olds

so

> > they were able to make decisions about things - thus, the end

result

> > would be getting what you wanted but not having to argue about

it??

> >

> > Well, I started doing that and my sly has decided when

I

> > give him a choice, i.e., brushing teeth or pajamas first - his

> > response is: " nuffin " (nothing). Of course, I repeat it a

couple

> > of more times - hoping maybe he just didn't get it the first two

> > times and his continued response is " nuffin " . LOL So, did this

> > happen to you and what did you do then??

> >

> > I've told him that " nuffin " is not one of his choices and if he

> > can't make a decision, I would make the decision for him. He

> > doesn't like that and usually decides (after a couple of

minutes).

> > Part of me feels like I'm still reverting back to where we were

with

> > arguments about everything.

> >

> > I met a woman at the park today and she said she had a terrible

time

> > between the ages of 3 to 4 1/2. Again, it's always comforting to

> > hear from another mother.

> >

> > Just curious if this ever happened to you.

> >

> > Thanks - H

> >

August 24, 2005

Hi

I'm glad you had a good laugh.

I don't know if you know but I am teacher, special education the last 6

years. And really the secret to kids?? it really is consistency. But I tried

everything with Adam. One time when Adam was around 3 years of age, I

remember him climbing on the counter and I was just frightened at what could

have happened, and I really didn't know what to do at that point, so I

reached into the drawer and took out a wooden spoon and gave him a wack on

the bum (just one). You know what he did?

He calmly walked over to the drawer where I had just returned the spoon,

took it back out, hit me on the bum and said " there how does that make YOU

feel? "

I never tried it again!!!LOL

My sister has a 2 year old boy (normal in all respects but wow is he

active!!) and she was watching some t.v. show about the " nanny " ?:? (I don't

know it) but she heard about this naughty step. So she took one step in her

house and whenever acts up she sends him to the naughty step. He is

hysterical on this step...........he actually stays there! I think whatever

you are comfortable with, it's consistency all the way. For Adam if I

bargain with him, I was fine (mind you; I've created a demon child now;

everything is a barter; I will say " you have to go to bed at 10 p.m. " ; and

he will say " 10:25 " If I say " nope I said 10 p.m. " he will say " OK 10:20 "

and so it continues.

All I can say is this strategy might not work, but keep at it. These kids

are too darn smart eh??

Debby

Debby - question

>>

>> > Remember when you mentioned giving options for our 3 1/2 yr olds

> so

>> > they were able to make decisions about things - thus, the end

> result

>> > would be getting what you wanted but not having to argue about

> it??

>> >

>> > Well, I started doing that and my sly has decided when

> I

>> > give him a choice, i.e., brushing teeth or pajamas first - his

>> > response is: " nuffin " (nothing). Of course, I repeat it a

> couple

>> > of more times - hoping maybe he just didn't get it the first two

>> > times and his continued response is " nuffin " . LOL So, did this

>> > happen to you and what did you do then??

>> >

>> > I've told him that " nuffin " is not one of his choices and if he

>> > can't make a decision, I would make the decision for him. He

>> > doesn't like that and usually decides (after a couple of

> minutes).

>> > Part of me feels like I'm still reverting back to where we were

> with

>> > arguments about everything.

>> >

>> > I met a woman at the park today and she said she had a terrible

> time

>> > between the ages of 3 to 4 1/2. Again, it's always comforting to

>> > hear from another mother.

>> >

>> > Just curious if this ever happened to you.

>> >

>> > Thanks - H

>> >

August 25, 2005

Debby that is too funny about the spoon. I know the nanny show your sister

watches. A couple of times has watched it with me and sometimes when she

starts to " act up " I say to her, do you want the nanny to come to your house?

and quickly she changes and listens instantly. If you ever have a chance to

catch the show you have to its hysterical. First of all the way these kids act

on this show, forget it. My kids are not bad and they are pretty good at

listening but I'm telling the kids on the show - it wouldn't have gotten to that

point, let's put it that way.

B

" Debby B. " wrote: