Re: ***Possible Spam*** Re: OT - Tabitha- long sorry

[Guest guest]

Tabitha:

I was so touched by your story. You are very brave to share that with everyone

and just know that I am praying for you and your family. We all are.

Son 8 months, bilateral atypical/complex cf

***Possible Spam*** Re: OT - Tabitha- long sorry

hello everyone,

Now that the kids are in bed and I have read the emails. I kind of afraid to

tell everyone the two other things that have happened. 1st. The day after

died, my two brothers took me out to lunch before we had to go and make

arrangements. (little backround and I never drank at lunch time, something

I really don't understand much, but he just didn't like it) So I hadn't slept

and was feeling like I needed a drink. While waiting for the food I went to pick

up the glass and drink out of the straw and it was laying across the top of the

glass. I instantly knew was there with me. 2nd I was down in Davenport at

the super wal mart and had this thing of dropping things just so he could

watch me pick them up. Must be a man thing. We were checking out(his sister and

I) We were by the belt thing with no one behind us. about 2 feet from the

Magazines. We were just talking when two stacks of mag. fell all the way across

the floor right to my feet. At this point I was thinking is just messing

with me and was not going to give him the joy of watching me , so I made his

sister pick them up. It is nice to know he is there, but you have to wonder

sometimes if he is just trying to let me know or scare me.

Something else I would like to share. passed on Fathers day, a sunday.

Friday night he started to get bad. We had our last talks that night. About his

grandfathers being with him and him not wanting to leave me and the kids. He

also told me he would wait for me again. Funny because I would never date him in

Highschool and he waited to be with me. I knew we were getting close when he was

seeing people that had passed in our living room. That night he was also saying

how bright it was in our house. No lights on and middle of the night. By

Saturday morning he could no longer talk. Was trying as hard as he could. I when

I would tell him I loved him, he would try so hard to say it back. I would just

have to tell him I knew. By that night he could no longer move. Father's Day

came and we had alot of people here visiting. Both children, but could no

longer open his eyes. When I would sit and hold his hand and talk to him, all

the hairs on his arms

and chest would stand straight up. So I knew he felt me there. It did not do

this with anyone else. Before he got worse I told him I didn't want him to go on

Fathers day, because it would make it to hard for me and the kids. So about 9pm,

was struggling so hard to breath. His mother and I told him Fathers Day

was over and everyone was in bed. (What I am about to tell you is the hardest

thing I have ever done.) So I lay in the bed next to him with hairs standing up

and all. Kissing him and telling him how much I love him, that I will see him

again soon, And he opened his eyes for the last time, but would look at only me,

not his mother. I continued to tell him to just go to sleep, that everything

would be ok. His mother was telling him " mommy says go, mommy says go " This

whole time he would not take his eyes off of me. I kissed him so many times that

last hour. Finally around 10:30 I asked him if he was going to go fishing with

his grandpa, and h e looked

straight up in the air and lifted both hands over his face like he was not

ready to go then he was gone. That was the longest hour and a half in my life. I

felt terrrible that I lied to him and told him everything would be alright. I

just didn't want him to hurt anymore. I have wanted to share this here, but it

is hard for me to relive that night. As I am just crying know, it running down

my shirt. \

So, I guess for any of you who don't believe that there is something else out

there. Here is your proof. I know is here with me everyday. Not only

checking on me but the kids also.

Tabitha

number23 wrote:

Tabitha, Sweetie,

Our hearts go out to you. I for one don't think you are psychotic or in the

need of mind altering medications. I think what you describe is a beautiful and

precious event.

The process you are traveling through is different for each person. For years,

my mother would smell her mother's perfume. Just a wiff, like Grandma had

stopped in a moment. Now days, my sister smells my mother's cigarett smoke. Who

is to say?

It's not a religious debate. I say that to everyone here. If you think

came to see you, that's a perfectlly OK thing to believe. If you think you're

losing your mind, well hang in there, you're not.

You and had what most people only read about in books - a life time of

loving. I tend to believe a loving God would let it be possible for a loving

husband to just come see you if he felt the need to. Why not? He obviously loved

you deeply, as you loved him. As a person who has never been fortunate enough to

experience the kind of bond the two of you had, I guess it might hold true that

was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. will

never be completely gone from you heart, or your life. Try if you can to

celebrate the love you shared and don't be in too much of a hurry to dispose of

the reminders, painful as they may be at the moment.

I don't know your church affiliations, etc., but perhaps there is a grief

support group somewhere you could join to help you express your feelings in a

safe enviornment. Maybe the kids and you can build a collage of his photos to

hang on the wall, sharing stories and memories as you work on it. And perhaps

like me, when you thank God at night, tell him to tell hello and that you

love him. I say, " If you see Mom around... "

She was a loon, but I do wish Mom was here to see the kids grow or do some

silly thing they come up with. I wish I could pick up the phone and call her.

When I pass her house, I say, " Hey mom, how'r ya doing? " I talk to her a lot

actually. I have also been talking to a HOSPICE grief counselor via email. And

like suggeted I do, I wrote her a long letter and that did help too.

I guess I just want to reassure you that ther is no " Right " way or wrong way

for you to feel right now. It's not like we learn this in school or something.

When we had to go to Mom's service I told , " I've never done this before

either, so I don't know how anymore than you do - I think the only rule for us

to remember is to be polite to other visitors. "

We all love you dearly and support you completely. Please don't ever feel like

you cant say what is honestly in your heart to us. When you see around,

tell him we said hello.

ee

Mother of 3 Clubfooted Sons:

- Bilateral Club Feet April 1998

Everett - Bilateral Club Feet September 2003

Garrison - Bilateral Club Feet March 2006

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