OT - Tabitha

[Guest guest]

Tabitha, Sweetie,

Our hearts go out to you. I for one don't think you are psychotic or in the

need of mind altering medications. I think what you describe is a beautiful and

precious event.

The process you are traveling through is different for each person. For

years, my mother would smell her mother's perfume. Just a wiff, like Grandma

had stopped in a moment. Now days, my sister smells my mother's cigarett

smoke. Who is to say?

It's not a religious debate. I say that to everyone here. If you think

came to see you, that's a perfectlly OK thing to believe. If you think you're

losing your mind, well hang in there, you're not.

You and had what most people only read about in books - a life time of

loving. I tend to believe a loving God would let it be possible for a loving

husband to just come see you if he felt the need to. Why not? He obviously

loved you deeply, as you loved him. As a person who has never been fortunate

enough to experience the kind of bond the two of you had, I guess it might hold

true that was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

will never be completely gone from you heart, or your life. Try if you

can to celebrate the love you shared and don't be in too much of a hurry to

dispose of the reminders, painful as they may be at the moment.

I don't know your church affiliations, etc., but perhaps there is a grief

support group somewhere you could join to help you express your feelings in a

safe enviornment. Maybe the kids and you can build a collage of his photos to

hang on the wall, sharing stories and memories as you work on it. And perhaps

like me, when you thank God at night, tell him to tell hello and that you

love him. I say, " If you see Mom around... "

She was a loon, but I do wish Mom was here to see the kids grow or do some silly

thing they come up with. I wish I could pick up the phone and call her. When

I pass her house, I say, " Hey mom, how'r ya doing? " I talk to her a lot

actually. I have also been talking to a HOSPICE grief counselor via email.

And like suggeted I do, I wrote her a long letter and that did help too.

I guess I just want to reassure you that ther is no " Right " way or wrong way for

you to feel right now. It's not like we learn this in school or something.

When we had to go to Mom's service I told , " I've never done this before

either, so I don't know how anymore than you do - I think the only rule for us

to remember is to be polite to other visitors. "

We all love you dearly and support you completely. Please don't ever feel like

you cant say what is honestly in your heart to us. When you see around,

tell him we said hello.

ee

Mother of 3 Clubfooted Sons:

- Bilateral Club Feet April 1998

Everett - Bilateral Club Feet September 2003

Garrison - Bilateral Club Feet March 2006

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